Beautiful When You Don't Try (Camren)

Chapter 15

"Okay. Fine." Lauren's voice was still calm with only a hint of frustration. "I knew Camila, yes. I knew then her as the diva who had a mom and dad but had never met her biological mother. I knew Camila wanted that maternal bond and was denied it for Ariana's selfish reasons. I also knew that Ariana was going to get what she wanted, whether it was from me or from an adoption agency." She paused, tapping at the table top to keep her hands from shaking with her rise of emotions. She waited for a minute while she decided how best to continue, finding it difficult to swallow past the hard lump in her throat. She was frustrated. She was pissed. She was hurt. She was angry with herself. She was angry with Ariana. But she managed to swallow it all down. She needed them to understand. Her vision began to blur with tears that threatened to fall from her eyes as she spoke the next sentence, her voice a light, cracking whisper of raw, heartbreaking emotion. "But I was a mom. I had a daughter that I needed to worry about, not the diva who still had two loving parents at home waiting for her. You don't know where your child is going to end up when you give them to an adoption agency. You don't know if they are going to a good home where they will be loved like you hoped they would be. But here was a woman who had messed up so badly with her own daughter and wanted nothing more than to make up for it with mine. I knew Ariana would give her absolutely everything she would ever need and all the attention I dreamed of her having. Giving my baby to Ariana was the only action I ever took as a mother for my daughter, and I don't regret it." She finished, shaking her head. There was nothing he could ever say to make her regret that decision.

After another hard swallow she turned to Camila and a tear finally managed to trail down her cheek when the reddened chocolate eyes met hers. "I'm sorry if my actions hurt you, but I needed that peace of mind." Camila grabbed Lauren's hand and brought it to her lips, kissing it lightly as her own few tears fell.

"It's okay. I know. I understand." She truly did. In high school she had been a little hurt by Lauren's actions, a little betrayed. But now she understood. This is where Camila had always faltered, stepping back and taking everything into consideration. She would have seen it properly if it had happened today, but never considered Lauren's emotions back in high school.

Alejandro cleared his throat, unexpectedly pulling their attention to him. He was obviously overwhelmed by her response, noted by the rawness in his voice. He wasn't expected an answer like that. "I think that is enough questions for right now. If I have anymore, I hope your offer still stands?" He asked as he stood up from his seat.

She nodded, wiping the betraying tears from her eyes. She had tried so hard not to cry. "Of course."

"Okay then." He nodded and left the room, Sinu following closely behind to give the women some privacy.

Lauren looked up to the ceiling and rested her head against the back of the chair. "I think I am going to get sick." She had so much emotional acid in her stomach that it made her nauseated.

Camila leaned over and grabbed a hold of the photographer's chair and slid it closer to her. She wrapped her arms around Lauren's shoulders and pulled her into a hug, kissing her temple. "I love you. Thank you so much for what you just did. I think he has gotten a much more detailed picture of who you are. How deeply you feel about everything, and how honest of a person you are."

Lauren melted further into Camila, dropping deeper into her arms to rest her head on her chest, trying to heal some of the emotional pain with the diva's touch. "I hope so, because I don't know what else to do. I fucked this weekend up so badly."

Camila's heart broke with the guilt in her lover's voice. She didn't know how much more of this Lauren was going to be able to handle. "The weekend's not over yet. And it was one incident. Even though Dad may still have his reservations, Mom approves. She says you ground me, keep me from flying away in my own drama. You hold me in the land of reality while still allowing me my play time in the dramatics."

"Yep." Lauren mumbled from Camila's chest. "I don't want to clip your wings, just put a homing device on you." Camila laughed and began rocking the raven haired woman in her arms slowly. Lauren may have been cracking jokes, but she was already exhausted. "Hey Camila?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this is kinda off topic and everything...but what do vegans eat on Thanksgiving? There's no turkey."

Camila rolled her eyes adoringly. Only Lauren could go from pouring her heart out to reminding Camila of a little kid with her sleepy, childlike voice. "We will have turkey. I'm vegan but my parents aren't. But I eat just about everything else. There are casseroles, special pies, stuffing, baked vegetables...all sorts of things. Don't you worry about me."

"I'm not." Lauren confessed, pulling the diva tighter to her. "I'm just trying to figure out what I can cook for next year." A slow smile spread across Camila's face with her growing understanding of Lauren's comment. They were going to be together this time next year and there was no doubt about that in Lauren's mind. This could work and Lauren was hoping to move past this rough start. She was going to do whatever it took.