self titled.

plummet as I sing

song: isle of flightless birds

all we are is an isle of flightless birds
we find our worth in giving birth and stuff
we're lining our homes against winding roads
and we think the going is tough
we pick songs to sing, remind us of things that no body cares about
and honestly we're probably more suicidal than ever now

trigger warnings// loneliness, suicide, drug mentions

~*~

November 31st, 2009,

Isn't it funny how the world maps itself out into its own adjustable path. It's like we, the people, just follow what everybody else is doing without trying to change it. We don't even question the stupidity or the relevance of what we're doing.

We just follow what everybody else is doing because we're afraid of what will happen if we change.

Sometimes I'll untie the knots society has made.

- tyler

..

January 1st, 2017,

My mom gave me a journal. I was confused at first because I didn't know why she'd wanna give this to me.

Phones are more reliable than paper.

Oh. It's New Year's. Maybe this year will be better than the last.

- josh

..

December 2nd, 2009,

Yesterday was my birthday.

It was decent. Considering the fact I was the only one there.

I wonder if it's possible to have a one person party. Maybe with all your imaginary friends.

I swear I'm not insane.

- tyler

..

January 7th, 2017,

I found this underneath my bed. I honestly forgot what it was for a second, until I opened it up and saw the first page.

My friends are trying to get me to do cocaine and heroine.

I honestly don't know what I should do. I hear it's really bad for you, but if they do it, then I'm sure I'll be okay. Right?

- josh

..

December 8th, 2009,

All of the people at my work are going to a party. I know that it will result in drinking and smoking. Maybe if I went I would actually make friends. Maybe somebody would actually talk to me.

Well, maybe I'm not for that life. I guess I'll stay home and write. I got a keyboard because I don't know where I'd put an actual piano.

My instruments are my friends.

- tyler

..

January 12th, 2017,

Let me say, cocaine and heroine give you a big rush. Its not like being drunk, it's way more extreme. I dont know if I like it yet, but my friends said it gets better with time.

I sure hope so. That shit is strong.

- josh

..

December 11th, 2009,

Man, I'm lonely.

I've never been a really social person, but it's like I've pushed myself away entirely. Maybe it's because of the past.

I wonder if my parents miss me at all. I sure miss them. They were like my best friends.

Maybe they still are, just not in the same way.

But people are stupid.

So stupid.

- tyler

..

January 15th, 2017,

I witnessed something really scary a few days ago. This kid we were doing drugs with had an overdose and had to be sent to the ER. He wasn't responsive and his skin was cold.

Now this drug thing is starting to worry me. But my friends said that its normal. That he'll be okay.

Overdoses are normal?

- josh

..

December 18th, 2009,

It's starting to gnaw away at me. The loneliness. The thoughts. It's like my brain is a platter.

How am I going to survive this?

- tyler

..

January 20th, 2017,

Drugs scare me. I don't know why I did them in the first place. I got in with the wrong types of people.

But that doesn't mean them, themselves, are bad. They're just people like me. They don't know what they're doing wrong.

My mom is starting to get suspicious. She asks me why I come home so late with my pupils looking funny.

I tell her I'm just hanging out with friends.

- josh

..

December 21st, 2009,

I'm really tired.

..

January 22nd, 2017,

When I got home, I threw up all over the floor. My mom took me to the hospital.

They said it was because of the alcohol and cocaine. My mom is really upset with me.

I'm upset with me too.

- josh

..

December 29th, 2009,

It'll work this time.

..

January 25th, 2017,

I did this to myself. But the good thing is, I'm gonna be okay. I made a bad choice. And I'm not gonna make it again. I'm also gonna try and find new friends too.

It'll all be fine.

~*~

your soul knows good and evil, your soul knows both sides
and it's time you pick your battles, and I promise you this is mine

edit: did any of you notice the date that tyler died?