self titled.

i will try to avoid those eyes

song: air catcher

and I just don't say what you wanna hear
so I'll write my fears
and I don't believe in talking just to breathe
and falling selfishly

trigger warnings// verbal abuse, seduction, a bit of strong language

×/)×

I watched you that one day on the street

I watched you and I couldn't help but feel awed at your presence because my god you were something special

You were something so utterly different and interesting and you had that little spark of something new in your brown eyes

You coaxed me with your licorice tongue and syrupy tone

You touched me with your petal fingers and honey eyes

It was your eyes

It was how your eyes looked at me with this red blue lust and purple green curiosity

I was so fucking enraptured

..

I don't know why you, of all people, caught my attention and drew me close with just a tap of your pretty pretty fingers

What an angel you were

You were such a freaking angel and oh my i couldn't detach myself from your eyes or your skin

Your sweet skin

Even if the words that used to be like cotton candy and sugary treats turned to something that could be more described as the venom that leaked from snake fangs and the sour strawberries you would pick out from a packet

The words you began to spew seemed to physically prick at my fragile skin and taint my head like a smoker's lit cigarette

You were like the sun and the moon, bright and vibrant then dark and calculating

But, as a way of apology, you would use those petal soft fingers on my scalding skin

..

Might I add how much of a drug you resembled

You were so so addicting and I could never get enough of you, you were just so delicious and every strong spirited man could not help but get weak at the knees at your presence

You were so good for me, but so bad

You bit at me and my insides like an incurable disease and made me doubt myself and everybody around me

You made me dizzy on my own confusion and ecstasy

..

I know you aren't good for me, I know that you are tainting me every day with more and more furious rage

You make my eyes and head hurt with nauseating agony that I honestly could not puzzle into decently said words

I've been brainwashed into your trap that I can't climb out of

I feel my soul slipping down and down out of my broken body, I can feel myself growing weaker and weaker to your spewage of nasty language

Blasphemous terms that should never be stated or brought up

But you bring them up anyway and I still have not left your hold

..

You scream defiance and unfaithful truths that hurt more than a gunshot wound into my chest

I see you come home with purple and blue on your golden skin that makes me want to cry

I want to address this situation but my tongue is paralyzed and thick in its vessel

Sometimes I would lay at night and contemplate what I've done wrong and list the "sins" I've commited

I try to tell myself its you and not me

..

I am now head deep in a pool of my own utter and profound mistakes that can never ever be fixed

I have come to the one simple conclusion that you, you you you, you are nothing else but a human

A human that believes their behavior has been condoned as okay and not bad

You are a human that is manipulative but then again, beautiful and angelic

You're a drug that I can not get rid of and that's when I realize, my mistake has been made and me as human have fallen to your sinful pride and me, to my sinful lust

I will live with my mistake and the lesson goes, I can't and won't escape because your cancer has grown too much in my spirit and body

You have killed me, but risen me as well

×/)×

but now I'm here to
give you words as
tools that can
destroy my heart