Project Player

I Cant Even Comprehend

  "Are you sure we should be doing this?" asked the girl. Her short pixie cut brown hair. Her eyes big, bottom lip poked out. She started to giggle.

  " We agreed to this right. We can screw around. She won't even know." replied Brendan. Nibbling gently on her neck.

   I could feel my tears brimming in my eyes, but none fell. I couldn't let them. I would just burst out in tears and he'd know I was there.

   " Um ...who's the girl on your phone?" she asked. Brendan whipped his head up, to see my angry face on his screen.

   " T-toni!" he yelled. I gave him the bird and turned off the chat. I grabbed my phone and threw it. I was angry at him and myself. How could I be so stupid and how could he be such an ass?

  I felt one of my tears drip on my sweater. I heard my phone vibrate a dozen of times. I just continued to ignore it while I stared at my wall. Just thinking. Thinking what would've happened if I broke up with him when I had the chance. Before I started falling for him again.

   What would've happened if he didn't cheat? If I wasnt even in this town. Drama is always around me.

  I grabbed a box of chocolates, walking outside. I stuffed tons of chocolate in my mouth. Nearly death with them. "Happy Valentines Day to me." I whispered.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  I looked at my phone. 124 missed calls. 130 unread text messages. I read it over and as I walked into school. Ignoring the questions:

  "  Whats wrong?"

  " Are you okay?"

   " What happened?"

    " Do you wanna talk?"

   

 But I just continued to brush past them. I walked into my class. I did the whole black look with my black combat boots, black jeans, black leather jacket, and a black Pierce the Viel t-shirt. I slumped in my desk, looking at my phone. It rang, and I answered it to get it over with. I know, I'm in class but not many people were even in here.

   " Hello?" I asked.

    " Hey baby," said Brendan. Why is he so happy.

  " Why are you being so nonchalant about this?" I asked. I could barely even breath. 

   " Let me just say, I think this was the best way for you to find out about this. I was going to ask, you know if I could have sex with the girl, but still date you." he said normal. What!?

   " Um..I-I-I-"

     " Listen baby, you weren't giving me action. If I was known for banging the new girl in school that plays hard to get, I'd get so known. You were like a new chapter added to my story. I've banged all types of girls, and you were the flavor lollipop I hadn't yet tasted." he replied, interrupting me.

   " But you acted a-as if y-you cared," I stuttered. My tears threatened to fall.

    " Yeah I put in a lot of work. You're truly a bitch Toni for making me wait this long. I mean, why wait to damn long babe? To be truthfull, I was actually going to screw you, treat you like shit, and then you'd break up with me. I was even coming to town this weekend to you know do it with you. But I don't know do you still want to?" 

  " I don't undertsnad," I whispered.

   " You understand crystal clear sweetheart. You were nothing. I was using you. All the things I said were lies. I'm sorry I wasn't your ideal first boyfriend. Sometimes, the world works in these mysterious ways. I think that we might as well just e-"

  I hung up the phone and started crying, causing everyone to look at me. I don't even know how to explain how I'm feeling right now. I was like a set up.

   " Toni, are you alright?" asked the teacher.

  " I-I'm sorry. May I l-leave p-please?" I blubbered. She nodded worryingly. I jumped out of my seat, grabbing my things quickly. I ran out of the classroom. I ran down the halls, and I ran past the football field. I ran into the woods. I didn't know where I was going. I was cold, because of the snow. I didn't even know what oart of the woods I was in. I could barely see anything past the tears and thoughts through my head.

   " Toni!" yelled I voice. I ignored it. " Toni!"

  I was suddenly grabbed, and pulled into someone's chest. I looked up to see Elliot. He wiped my tears, and held me close. 

    " Toni, what the fuck are you doing?" he asked. " I saw you running past the class crying and I followed you here. You have some strong lungs, because you ran far. You almost ran off this cliff." 

  I looked over and saw the cliff and rocks at the bottom. I could've died. I wiped my tears, as he rocked me in his arms. 

    " Are you alright?" he asked. I looked up at him blankly.

  " What if everything else is a lie?" I replied. " Who else could be using me or lying to my face. Filling my head with lies?" He stared at me astonished. Opening his mouth, but no words came out. " I gotta go. I'll tell you later alright." 

  I stood up and walked away, brushing some snow off of me. I forgot to grab my coat when I walked in here. 

 

   " Toni, but-" he yelled. But I interrupted.

  " Trust me. I just need to be alone and breath alright. I need everything to sink in." I told him. I began walking again.

     " Toni, you know everyone's not out to get you. I know you're scared of everything. The world is a crazy ,fucked up place. Sometime's we're going to deal with it. Or move on. What ever happened I'm sorry, but maybe it can be a lesson for you." he said behind me. I continued walking, letting his words sink in.

  I walked back into the building, sitting in the bathroom floor. I just thought about all the bad things. Everything. Until my next class.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   "Hey Tonic, you sure you're alright? You haven't touched your lunch. That never happens," giggled Maggie. But I know Mags too well, so I know that laugh was a fake. She knows I'm upset. She saw me crying in class.

  I gave her a look, saying Id tell her later. She nodded and turned to talk to Zayne. I looked over at Jax, who was looking at me sternly.

  " You. Me. Car. Now." he mouthed. I nodded, slipping away from the table.