Diary of a Dead Girl.

Chapter 3 - Journal

Dear Diary,

          I went back to the tree today when I came across this building (picture on side) I had a crazy wonderful Idea to fix it up. My mom, being the obsessive realistate agent she is, told me more about the property. She claimed it was abandoned in the 30s and is one of the only original buildings. I honestly can't believe I never saw it before. I know the idea of fixing it is stupid, I mean its just a building in the middle of no where. But with all thats been going on.. I kinda just need a project to get things off my mind. Besides all it needs is a little love <3. And I can't hire someone to help me because technically I am not owner of the house, I'm assuming the bank is.. 

          I'm coming back on friday to check the place out and see what I'll need. Oh and find a way to break in(: In other news chris and I were bitchin today about some random crap. We kinda fell ito our old patterns from years ago, the only difference is we aren't really friends anymore, We are strangers who share a common past.  If that makes any sense..? 

I know Chris, the 1st - 6th grader; I don't know Chris the softmore. 

          I like who he was, i love that in him. Arguing is our way of communicating. But to be honest I've loved him since i met him, and I still do. I feel like a stalker for saying that but I just know, I just feel differnt when I'm around him. 3 asshole remarks with a joking tone and 4 bitch comments in reply can make my week. It's pathetic, its sad. I have been in so many past relationships that have all failed becasue I can't commit. I don't have comitment issues, just the passion, the feeling isn't there. How can I commit to something I don't really feel? 

          I mean how can I even know that if we started talking again and became close that I would stil feel the same way? I'm reading too much into this and am making this a bigger deal than it has to be. All I'm relying on here is my intution, and heart that is still in love with that 6th grade boy who kissed me under our tree. 

I'm screwed arent I? 

~Analise.