This Boy - Mclennon

Chapter 13: I Lost My Little Girl

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Well, gather 'round people

Let me tell you the story

The very first song I wrote

Well, gather 'round people

Let me tell you the story

The very first song I wrote

I woke up late this morning

My head was in a whirl

Only then I realized

I lost my little girl

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I said

There's no way Jim wrote that. This is Paul's journal. That had to be about his Mother.. I flipped to the middle of the journal. 

John Lennon spoke to me today. He looks like a mix of Buddy Holly and Elvis. I like him. 

I could feel my cheeks heat up to a bright red colour. Bloody poof. I closed the journal and put it back where I had found it. I felt guilty enough invading that much of Paul's private thoughts. I heard the telephone ring, and ran downstairs. 

Mike was standing with the receiver to his ear, George stood eagerly in the doorway of the kitchen, all three of us wide-eyed. Waiting. Wondering. 

Mike hung up the phone. "He's awake."  My spirits were lifted. Paul was awake. He's not going to want to see you. "Well? Come 'ed!" George was all smiles as he tossed us our coats. 

We hopped on the bus and made it to the hospital in no time. Honestly, it felt like no time at all. Everything was happening so fast that I barely remembered getting on and off the bus. I remember staring at the hospital the same way I did when I arrived the previous day, though. Paul was awake. I had to keep myself as composed as possible, y'know, for Mike and George... and because I didn't need George getting more ideas about Paul and I. We walked into the hospital and waited in the hallway for the doctor. He came out of Paul's room and smiled at us. "One at a time, we don't want to overwhelm him." The doctor said as he gestured toward the door. "Mike go ahead, mate. Go see 'im." George smiled and sat down. I sat down next to him. "Are you okay?" George asked me. I nodded, "Yeah I am, are you?" You're not okay. I looked at the floor. "Yeah mate. I know Paul 'n Mike are going to be safe now." George said as he half smiled. We were silent until Mike came out.

He had a smile on his face and tears on his cheeks. "George he wants t'see you." Mike smiled and took George's spot as he entered Paul's room. "How is he?" I asked Mike. Why do you care? He won't want to see you. "A little tired and out of it, he is. But he's awake and it's all going to be okay. Right, John?" Mike looked up at me with trust in his eyes. That scared me. Don't get the little buggers hopes up. "It's going to be just fine, Mike." I rubbed the kid's back. The least I could do. He had just witnessed a whole lot of trouble and pain. 

George soon came out, with a smile on his face. "John, g'head." He nodded toward the door. Don't do it. I stood up and stopped in the doorway, before I could see him I had to make sure I was grounded. Don't do it. I took a deep breath and glanced at George who was looking at me with his eyebrow raised and a bigger smile on his face. He knows. Don't do it.

I walked into the room. 

~Paul's~

My sight was a little hazy. My head hurt quite a bit, and I kept my eyes open just a little bit so that I could see. I knew my face was damaged, and the doctor mentioned two broken ribs. But when he walked in, I knew it was him. He was hesitant and took his time approaching me. He was silent and scared. 

"John?" I said, weakly. It hurt my sides to talk. 

He sat down next to the hospital bed. "May I...?" He asked hesitantly as I felt his hand lightly on top of mine. I nodded and turned my head toward him. Even though he was blurry I could only think about how handsome he was. 

"I'm so sorry... It's all my fault, Paul, I'm sorry..." He put his head down on my head. "John, n-no, stop." I hesitated. "George is gonna take Mike home, he said he thought we'd like some time alone..." I told him, waiting for him to admit that he had told George about us. "I didn't tell him m'love, I swear, I swear I swear I swear." John sounded like his mind was moving way too fast. "John, take a deep breath." I ordered, though weak, I tried to sound harsh. My head began to pierce with pain again. I closed my eyes tightly and squeezed John's hand. "Oh, Paul what can I do?" I felt John stand up, not letting go of my hand. 

"Nothing." I was short and not-so-sweet, but I was in pain. I felt him sit back down quietly. 

The pain went away, not completely, not enough to be able to ignore it, but enough that I could open my eyes again. "I'm really sorry, John, y'know about before..." I said, referring to our blow out when I told him about Scotland. "No, I was unreasonable and I didn't let you explain 'er nothin'..." He began, but I could tell it was hard for John to admit he was wrong. But I was glad he did. "I'm not leavin' y'know. Thanks to George and me Aunt Gin." I tried to smile. "I know." John said quietly as he kissed each of my knuckles slowly. "Can you forgive me?" He said, lingering above my hand so that I could still lightly feel his lips. "Of course, John..." I said as I used my other hand to reach for his cheek. Mistake. I flinched and grabbed my side. "Sorry," I tried to laugh. 

"I was so worried, m'love." John stood up and closed the door to the room. I smiled. "I wasn't about to let go." I told him, smugly.  He climbed up on the bed beside me, carefully, and wrapped his arms around me. I had never felt more physical pain in my entire life, but I had also never felt safer in my life. My father was not going to be a threat anymore, John was here with me, Mike was safe, and George was an amazing friend. 

"Penny for ya thoughts, m'love?" John asked as he kissed the top of my head. "I love you John Lennon." I said, before yawning and making myself comfortable on his chest. I felt him kiss the top of my head again before whispering, "I love you, James." That threw me off. Nobody had called me James since my Mother, but I was too out of it at this point to question it. It felt nice to have him know me that intimately. 

As I drifted off to sleep, I heard John whisper "Stop,"  a few times. He must have been struggling still. Before I had fallen asleep, I felt him hold me as closely and as tightly as possible without hurting me. 

"Focus on healing, focus on yourself Macca. I've got you and I won't let go of you until the day I die. It's getting better all the time, m'love."