This Boy - Mclennon

Chapter 13: I Lost My Little Girl

A/N: I'm starting with Johnny again, hope you guys don't mind :) 

~John's~

"John?" 

"John, love?" 

"John, are ye there?"  His sweet soothing voice seemed to whisper. 

"John, why did you leave me?" 

"John, I'm sorry I let you down, can you forgive me?

I shot up out of a dead sleep. It took me a few moments to regulate my breathing, and recognize where I was. Paul's room. George was on the floor beside me, and rolled over. "Y'ok mate?" He mumbled as he stretched. I took a deep breath. "Yeah, sorry Harrison." I rubbed my eyes a few times before looking at the clock. 1AM. How in the hell was it only 1am? I just wanted it to be the next day so we could find out if Paul was awake and whether or not they had spoken to his Aunt. "Ye don't seem okay, John." George sat up. I guessed that there was no avoiding a conversation now. "Just worried s'all." I tried to sound nonchalant. "John, don't take this the wrong way, but you barely know Paul. I've only seen ye hangout a few times. Been my best mate for as long as I can remember, Paul has. He hasn't mentioned anything about you." George rambled on a little. 

Well, I couldn't really blame Paul for not telling his best friend that we were in love. Bloody queer, going right to hell, you are. "I dunno mate, we just clicked. Likes music too, I s'pose." I tried to sound even more calm. "John, you don't need to tell me er nothin'... But is there something... else goin' on?" George looked serious. I did feel like I could trust George, he was Paul's best friend after all. He'll turn you both in, you'll both go to jail and then Paul definitely won't forgive you. "What do you mean?" I asked, rolling over to face him. "I dunno, just the way y'look at him." George looked away from me, probably afraid of my reaction. "Nah mate, I just care about him and I feel bad considering, y'know, his situation." I lied through my teeth.  George nodded and stood up, "I best check on Mike." 

I looked around Paul's room. I felt bad that even here, this cozy little room, he didn't feel safe. I noticed a small leather-bound journal on the floor gently tucked underneath his guitar. I tilted my head. Dare ya. I knew I shouldn't have invaded his privacy to that extent, but I had to know what was in that journal. I opened it carefully. The first page had lovely had writing, obviously not Paul's. 

James, 

Happy 12th birthday my sweet boy. I hope you write some beautiful poems and songs in here for me. I love you so much! Don't listen to those horrid kids at school, let it be, love. You're going to be a rockstar. 

Love, forever and ever, 

Mum 

Maybe Jim's Mum gave this to Jim, because I didn't think there was any other James' in Paul's family. I hesitated before flipping to the next page, maybe I didn't want to know. Yes you do. I flipped the page. 

Well, I woke up late this morning

My head was in a whirl

Only then I realized

I lost my little girl

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Well, her clothes were not expensive

Her hair didn't always curl

I don't know why I love her

But I love my little girl