Crossed Lines

29.

"Do you still feel like that now?"

"No. After kissing you the second time in KILAM, I knew there was no turning back. I couldn't let go of you. Once I decided to grow some balls and stop making excuses, I had no other choice then to have you. Now I can't think of anyone else in your place or the other way around. I never thought you'd become this important to me so quick, but you did and I could never undo it. I wouldn't want to."

The tears start rolling before I can stop them and he's quick to wipe them away. He hugs me closer and I bury my face in his chest.

"Was it that bad?" he asks jokingly.

"No I just never thought that you felt this strongly about me." He doesn't answer but he pulls my face closer to his. His face illuminated by the TV lights. I think we both just realized where my doubts come from.

"Mel how could you think that? Did you think I've been fooling around this whole time with you?" I shrug and he looks defeated. "Babe I-I'm in way too deep. Believe me, I didn't plan on being in a relationship, and I wouldn't waste my time being in one just to fool around. When I asked you to be mine, I meant it. Same goes for when I said I'm yours. I know I asked for that whole 'see where this goes' thing but I was stupid, and the moment I realized that I couldn't just forget about you, the worse it got.

I tried to fight this, but I couldn't. it scares me, how quick and easy it was for you to make feel this way. You should know by now that I'm not fooling around. For heaven sake Mel, I'm ignoring my father's advice for you, which I hardly do. I don't find anyone attractive besides you, I can't think of anything without it somehow leading to you. I don't think I've slept over so much at a girl's house, or a girl at my house. I've never been so worried constantly about losing someone, like I do about you, besides family of course, and I'm not even too sure about that. Hell, I'm wearing my heart out on my sleeve, just for you."

"I don't think you've ever talked this much in one night." I say through my tears. Gosh I'm so sappy. He laughs.

"Out of everything I just-" he shakes his head. "You are something else."

"I'm kidding." I laugh with him. "Are you serious?" it's hard to believe that someone this beautiful could feel that way about me.

"As a heart attack." My heart grows impossibly warm as I stare into his eyes.

"I feel exactly the same" I decide to just get it all out "Maybe even more. Gosh I thought you were an asshole after the first time you kissed me. I couldn't believe that I actually liked you the first time I saw you in that café. Then I got extremely jealous when you left the club with that blonde woman- I got wasted just to forget about you. All I wanted was for you to kiss me and then you finally did. I was so anxious actually, I finally got what I wanted, but then you pushed me away and I was beyond heartbroken for some reason. I hated you for raising my hopes up like that, then crushing them again."

"Sorry baby." He says but I ignore him.

"Even though I hated you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted you more than ever. I waited for your calls, even if I wasn't fully aware of it. Cate told me to forget about you but I couldn't. I didn't want you near me but at the same time I felt like I was stuck without you. I hated you for making me feel this way in a span of a few days, weeks. Our ups and downs really did a number on me, because here you were perfect as ever and then there I was, plain old me. When we started dating I couldn't believe it, it felt surreal, it still does. I went on twitter and I saw those comments on our relationship and it was like another blow, reminding me that I'd never be enough for you.

I couldn't understand what it was that drew me to you. I couldn't understand why everyone's warnings and comments faded away when it was just me and you. Then came our fights and me doubting you and everything just became too much for me. It may or may not be true but I felt, and maybe I still feel that I was way too deep before we even began, and that my feelings were always stronger than yours. I have never felt this way, and I don't think I ever will. I'm scared that I'm going to give you everything, only for you not to feel the same or to hurt me in the end. I don't want to feel this way because I know that when I lose you, I'd kill me. I don't think I could survive another loss, not as big as this one."

I just told him my biggest fear.

"That's why you wanted to end the relationship because of what my father said. You thought I'd leave you just like that?"

"I didn't want to get hurt or rather I didn't want to prolong it"

"Oh baby." He hugs me closer. "You won't lose me. I won't allow it. If I were to let you go, I'd be the dumbest asshole on this planet. I feel way too strongly about you. You hear me?" I nod. "Say it."

"I won't lose you."

"And I won't lose you either." He kisses my forehead. "Every time you feel unsure about us, repeat those words okay?"

"Okay." I say kissing his chin. "You're perfect."

"Oh baby I'm far from perfect."

"Well you're perfect to me."