Who's Your Daddy?

Chapter 22

Michael stood in his bathroom getting ready for his date with Bruce. He still wasn't sure exactly what he was going to tell him, whether he was going to "think yes." He'd tried all sorts of strategies to come to a decision. He flipped a quarter that he'd been saving for laundry, but he accidentally dropped it and it rolled behind a bookcase.

Michael hated to admit it, but he knew that one of the complicating factors of his decisions was Bruce's age. Michael couldn't deny that he was mostly attracted to much younger guys. Was that wrong? Was it wrong to want exactly what you want?

At the same time, Michael sometimes wondered if there were any unfortunate side effects to his perpetual desire for younger guys, if his attraction to younger guys was in some ways a devaluation of himself.

About fifteen minutes later, Bruce picked Michael up outside of his house. Bruce gave him a tight hug, and Michael got a whiff of some alchemic combination of Speed Stick, Old Spice, and Irish Spring. Bruce seemed especially pulled together tonight. His shirt was pressed and tucked into a dark pair of jeans, and he wore a navy sports jacket. Michael felt a little underdressed in his faded knit polo from the boy's section of Target. But before he could get too self-conscious about it, Bruce told him, "You look nice."

They drove for several minutes until they got to Wayland Square. Michael had been so preoccupied with what he was going to tell Bruce that it hadn't dawned on him to ask where they were eating. Knowing Bruce, Michael just assumed it would involve steak. That was why he was so surprised when Bruce parked the truck right in front of Michael's favorite sushi restaurant.

"I thought you hated sushi," Michael said. "I thought you hated all Japanese food."

"Yeah, well—"

"And Vietnamese food, and Chinese. I thought you were basically resistant to all 'ese' cuisine."

"Shut the fuck up. I'm trying new shit. You like it, right?"

"Yeah."

"O.K. then."

They entered the restaurant and a stylish female hostess in a satin dress led them to a small, dimly lit booth toward the back. They sat for several moments silently contemplating the menu. Michael's nerves increased with each passing moment. He still had no idea what he was going to tell Bruce.

The server came to the table, and Michael blurted out, "I'd like a cranberry sake-tini now. I mean, please."

"O.K.," said the server. "I guess that answers the question of whether or not you'd like something other than water to drink."

"I'll have the same thing," Bruce said.

"Do you even know what that is?" Michael asked.

"No, but whatever. I'll try it. How bad can it be? It has booze in it, right? "

Michael nodded. He didn't know if he should feel flattered by Bruce's restaurant choice and drink order or totally creeped out. He had never been seen Bruce try so hard to impress anyone, much less him.

Michael made it through drinks by keeping the conversation light. Earlier that day, a local politician had been caught in a gay sex scandal. Michael told Bruce how one local news show captioned the story: "Congressman caught in gay sex sandal."

"I definitely need a pair of those," Michael said.

Bruce laughed politely, but Michael could tell that he was slipping into a more serious mood.

When it came time to order, Michael got his favorite dish, a roll with spicy octopus, crab, cucumber, and an assortment of multi-colored fish eggs. Bruce ordered the chicken teriyaki platter. While they waited for their food, Michael found himself talking nonstop, saying anything to avoid actually having the talk. He knew that once they had that conversation, it would change things between them between them forever, for better or worse. Michael wasn't ready to cross that threshold, so he continued bringing up stuff that he had seen on TV earlier. He reenacted a debate from "Morning Joe" and offered holistic remedies for hyperhidrosis from "Dr. Oz." But once the food came—and Michael had a mouth full of spicy octopus—Bruce used the moment of silence to change the subject.