The Feelings That Were Never Mine

Chapter Two

Friday, April 18th, 2014

"Hey dad, do you think we could talk for a second?" I say over the phone. I heard him pull into the garage five minutes ago, and I was dying to find out if this burden was really gone.

"Yeah, of course. I'll be right over." he hangs up almost right after saying this. He must be excited I actually want to talk. Most days I end up locked in my room, because the strain my ability gives me is too much to bear.

Last night I couldn't stop tossing and turning, thinking about that girl I had met behind our house. How was it that before she left, I didn't feel the weight on me like I usually did? I kept thinking, maybe she was like me, or immune to whatever it was I had. I didn't sleep a wink because I couldn't help but wonder these things. I feel a shift in my once content mood, to anxious. Well that answers that question. It really isn't gone. My door opens slowly "Connor, You in here?" he asks, having not spotted me yet.

"Over here." I call from the couch, my T.V on a random channel.

He walks over and pats me on the shoulder, a fatherly gesture I've experienced plenty of times. "So what's up son?" He is trying hard to pull off nonchalance, but its no use.

I shrug "Nothing, I guess." I look my father in his eyes and feel a shift. Sadness.

"Just um"- what should I say?- "thinking about watching the football game. Who's playing tonight?"

He looks at me blankly for a second before chuckling. "Football isn't in season yet."

"Oh, right. Well never mind then." I say with a smile that tries to hard. I don't bother trying to talk more, and neither does he.

He nods "Okay, bud. I'll get going then." Disappointment. "Talk to you at dinner?" he asks

I nod absently. "Yeah, see you then."

When he's out of range, I feel the shift, and am filled with guilt. I mean, what am I supposed to do? I'm stuck here, never having a chance to be around somebody without feeling like someone I'm not. I get tired of all the 'mood swings' I get whenever there is more than one person around. It gets old so fast, you know? I've tried to come up with a logical explanation. Radiation? A curse. For a while I thought maybe I wasn't even human, so I decided to stop watching Doctor Who. I just wish someone would tell me what I am.

* * *

I bring a dirty white chair with me this time, the fabric starting to tear at the edges, when I go out to the land behind my house. It's dark enough that I can see a few stars twinkling up above me, but still light that I can make out the petite figure in the distance walking towards me. As she steps closer, I recognize her as the girl I saw last night. She wears black Bermuda shorts and a yellow cardigan. She waves at me when I can just start to make out her face. I stay seated, felling an oh so small shift to boredom.

I'm still here, confused that my ability hasn't kicked in all the way, but it's my confusion! "Hi!" she says, right in front of me now. All I can do is sit there in awe, trying to figure this girl out.

"Uh, yeah. Hi." I say, my eyebrows furrowing deeper.

She holds her hands behind her back, her legs crossed as she stands. "We met yesterday." She states.

"Yeah I know." I cross my hands in front of my chest. The feeling is no longer there. "I'm Connor." I finally say so she'll quit staring at me expectantly.

She nods. "Tally. Though I already told you that." I nod agreeing, though my I didn't hear her mention her name yesterday. I am feeling for myself.

"You're still on private property though."

She nods "Yeah, I know. But you don't really care, do you?" she says this as more of a statement she knows I'll agree on. So I shake my head and shrug, because I really don't.