Sincerely, Me

6 February 2017

Hey You,

It all feels like a lie. Do I care to explain? Not necessarily. Will I anyways? Of course. Anytime I see you around anyone else, I can't help but feel a bit.. numb. That's the only way to describe it. I feel void of feelings, a pit of emptiness. It feels like a lie. I should be jealous or angry or something like that, but I'm not. I'm just numb.

I was walking down the empty halls today, listening to my footsteps. My shoes were two sizes too big, so it was making a nice sound. I had gotten comfortable and made the mistake of thinking nobody was around. I began to whisper the lyrics to a song that I feel represents me right around now; Blue Lips by Regina Spektor.  

You rounded the corner, fascinated by the look on your face. I was mortified someone heard me; I was being so quiet. I almost cried, because I absolutely hate my singing voice. Actually, I hate my voice in general, so it's a lose-lose situation for me everytime I speak because let's be honest right now, I sound like a prepubescent boy.

I looked down and began to walk faster, you bumped into me. "Acknowledgement" is what you called this; I asked you. You touching my shoulder is an acknowledgement to you. At least, that's what you said and I don't think you have a lying bone in your body because you have a strict family. Like depression is taboo religious family.

After that, I walked my friend to their locker, and we saw you. They grabbed the inside of my elbow, gently and without realizing it, you mimicked them grabbing the inside of your friends elbow very slightly. They didn't realize what happened either, it was only me and my friend who realized you were watching us.

The second to last encounter I had with you, you were staring at me. Me and my friend were hugging each other, arms around each other's waists laughing our butts off. We both have a dry sense of humor; almost dryer than the Sahara. You were kind've upset or flustered because she poked my side and showed me how you ran straight into your class when you saw us walking like that.

The last encounter was my friend forced me to text you. They made me text you about show choir; so I decided to take the "kind person" route and congratulate you on your first place performance. You thanked me and that was the end of it because I'm not holding a conversation on my own.

Sincerely, Me.

P.S. Explain the numbness to me please.