Totally random story parts

Stoat and Harriet

(This is probably the closest thing to romance that I've ever written. The characters where loosely based upon the Carry On characters. Stoat has the attributes of the characters Kenneth Williams plays whilst Harriet has some of the attributes of the characters that Hattie Jacques plays)

Stoat suddenly felt someone grasp his paw in a vicelike grip. Eyes wide, he turned his head round and saw the amber eyes of Princess Harriet, the oldest wildcat princess, gazing at him.
Stammering profusely, Stoat hastened to make an excuse "W-what do you need? I'm afraid I don't understand the meaning of this. Why are you holding my paw like that?" He attempted to get loose but Harriet's grip was firm. "Let me go I say!"
Harriet drew him in close and the stoat stumbled upon his cloak but she caught him and whispered into his ear "I know your little secret. You can't hide it from me"
Stoat's head snapped up "What secret?" He looked genuinely bewildered.
The wildcat gave a soft, tinkling laugh "Don't play games with me for you'll find that I... often win" She drew her paw across his whiskers and Stoat begun to feel immensely uncomfortable.
"Stop messing about" The thin mustelid tried to appear disarming but he was really tense inside, his fur standing on end. "What do you want from me?"
Harriet got straight to the point. "That's just it. I want you... to tell me your precious secret. If you don't..." She drew one claw cross her throat. "You get the point I hope?"
The stoat sneered coldly "I'm not afraid of your empty threats Wildcat. Do what you like with me, kill me even, but I won't disclose any secret. The simple explanation is that I don't have one"
Instead of growing angry, the Wildcat only crooned softly "You stoats. You stoats are so cunning and intelligent... You are right. I can't and I don't want to do anything to you. As for killing you... Urgh... I wouldn't dream of it!"
Stoat looked peeved and smirked. "Why is that? Are you too hesitant? Or too cowardly?"
Harriet shook her head passionately "No! It is neither!... Dear Stoat! Charming Stoat! Oh wonderful and fantastic Stoat!" At this point, the wildcat was working herself into a flurry of emotion and zeal as she drew closer and in a softer voice announced confidently, eyes dreamy "I am in love with you"
"That's easy for you to say but I don't believe... WHAT!?" The full impact of Harriet's words struck the Stoat and he was flabbergasted in the extreme. "You love me?" He looked disgusted and horrified at the thought.
"Passionately" The wildcat tightened her embrace around the dumbfounded stoat. "Ever since I saw you... that blissful moment... Oh I knew, we were made for each other!"
The stoat was really scared here. "Harriet please. Let me go... You've gone mad" He attempted to push her away but the hefty wildcat clung on.
"I am mad! Mad with the love that courses through me! Mad with the love for you!" She laughed hysterically and begun to pull him towards her private chambers.