Im what?

Ch.15

Ugh I can't sleep. Maybe Shawns awake? I get up and walk to Shawns door about to open it "what are you doing?" Carter whispers. I turn around to look at him "oh umm I was looking for matt." I lie "matts room is upstairs, me, you, Shawn and cam are the only ones who have a room on this floor. J, G, Hayes, and Taylor are down in the basement. And lox, Aaron, matt, and Nash are upstairs" carter says leaning on his door frame "oh well since you're awake I guess I can just talk to you?" I say but it comes out as a question "well I guess" carter says as he pulls me Into his room. A very organized room, I didn't expect that. "What did you want to talk about?" He questions as he sits on his bed, I stand there awkwardly "you can sit down too lex" he chuckles. I nod and sit on his bed 'I can't tell him he'll probably tell everyone I never lost my memory' I think "I just wanted to know.. um did you by any chance know if I was dating someone?" I ask "well you had a thing with Mikey, god that made me mad an-" I cut him off "why did that make you mad?" I ask "because um" he scratches his neck "cuz I like you?" He said like a question "was that a question or a statement?" I slightly smile at how nervous he is "a statement" he says looking at my eyes then my lips "um I know you probably don't remember but um I was mean to you a lot, but I guess I was mad at the fact I couldn't have you" he says "why couldn't you have me?" I ask "because matt.." he trailed of "you know what who cares about what matt says" he said and kissed me. I was shocked but kissed back, he then pulled away. "I've liked you since the first day I saw you, lexie will you be my girlfriend?" Carter asks "but what will matt say?" I ask nervously "don't worry about him I'll take care of it, but how's your knee doing?" carter asks "okay sure." I smile "and it hurts um it's the reason I couldn't sleep, my brace just bothers me you know?" I say "well I don't know but I bet it does" carter chuckles as he wraps his arms around me and says "I'm happy you're mine" and kisses my head I smile and lay down and we cuddle. I ended up falling asleep. I heard a camera click a little while after but I was to tired to wake up.

I hear a lot of whispering as I wake up, but I fake being asleep to eavesdrop "matt is going to kill them." Cam says "maybe not her since she doesn't remember anything" lox says "they are kinda cute though" Hayes said "I need to finish my song, my prayers are on carters life" Shawn says. I pretend I was just waking up. "Shit she waking up run" cam whisper yells and they leave. "Baby don't leave me" carter says "I'll be back" I say "okay" he mumbles and cuddles a pillow. I walk towards my room but I hear Shawn singing
"She would not show that she was afraid
But being and feeling alone was too much to face
Though everyone said that she was so strong
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on"
I walk into his room and close the door behind me "That's nice, Is it that new song you've been working on? The one you started a couple days ago?" I say then realized I practically told him I remember "yea, wait how do you know I've been working on this song?" Shawn looks at me confused "hey Shawn have you seen lex- oh she's here" lox comes in "close the door" I take a deep breath as lox closes the door "you can't say anything okay? I wanted to see if everyone would try to start over with me if they though I lost my memory" I say looking at them "wait you're saying you never lost your memory?!" Shawn whisper yells while putting his guitar down "you have to tell everyone" lox says "no, I did lose my memory, I remember all of you guys. I don't really remember much about Mikey and Madison the last thing I remember is her calling me a suicidal freak, and um I will tell everyone I remember them, when I'm ready, I just want to give them a chance to start over you know?" I say "yea, we understand" lox & Shawn say "what the hell carter?! I told you she's off limits! So she loses her memory and you just decide to date her?! After everything you told her?" Matt yells from the living room "maybe you shouldn't tell them just yet" lox says as she sits by me "I agree" Shawn chuckles and grabs his guitar "is their more to that song?" I ask "yea want to hear it?" He asks as he starts strumming his guitar "yea" I say and he nods
"She would not show that she was afraid
But being and feeling alone was too much to face
Though everyone said that she was so strong
What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on
But that she knew that she would be okay
So she didn't let it get in her way
Sometimes, it all gets a little too much
But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up
And you don't have to be afraid,-" Shawn gets interrupted by matt barging in "living room now" matt points at me. He looks really pissed so I listen to him and walk out to the living room everyone was there, Shawn and lox follow behind matt. "You're dating him?!" Matt yells. I flinch at his outburst. "Answer me!" Matt kind of pushes me, but with my knee being hurt I lose my balance and fall "matt chill! You can hurt her!" Carter yells then helps me up "like you even care Reynolds" matt spits out with so much disgust. " I do care!" Carter yells back. They just keep going back and forth with the arguing until I snapped "shut up!" I yell. Everyone shut up and looks at me. "Lex-" I cut matt off "don't." I say as I put up my finger "don't do this, I hate this, don't say carter didn't care when you didn't either Matthew" matts eyes widen as do everyone else's besides Shawn and lox "you remember?" Matt asks "I never forgot" was all I said. "Why?" Cam asks "because I wanted you all to start all over, I wanted you guys to make a choice on treating me better or not. But it just seems I made things worse" I say and look at matt and carter "I told you! I told you that my friends were off limits!" Matt raises his voice "you never told me anything, if you would have told me I wouldn't be dating carter. It may not seem like it but i would listen to you because you are my brother" I say calmly "then break up with him" matt says with disgust looking at carter. I turn to look at carter and he looks hurt. "Carter" I take a breath to hold in my tears " I-I have to break up with you" I say and look back at matt not being able to see carter hurt. "Happy?" I say as carter walks to his room, everyone just looks at matt disappointed as I walk off to my room. Great way to start the day I think to myself and sing while I write a song.