Evie's Job

2: Natalie

Natalie sat, and sipped her wine, and looked out the bar’s windows, watching the young woman in the courtyard smoke.

She felt slightly strange. Half longing, half wanting, but sad and regretful too. And cowardly. She felt cowardly, she realized, for sitting inside staring, instead of going outside and saying hello. She ought to go outside. She ought to try and speak to the woman she was watching. She ought to do something, anything, other than sit and stare.

She knew she wasn’t going to, and that made her a little annoyed at herself.

She sat, looking out the windows, brooding.

She was in an awful mood. She was worried about running into Meredith, because she knew she probably would. She was sick of worrying about seeing Meredith. She wanted her life to move on. She wanted to get past Meredith, to stop being upset and hurt, to be attracted to someone else. Someone like the woman outside. She wanted that, but didn’t know how to make it happen. She didn’t know how to make herself stop feeling what she was feeling.

So she sat there gloomily, instead.

After a few moments she heard loud voices in the hotel lobby, just outside the bar’s door. People from the conference, she assumed, probably heading towards the bar. Something about the voices made her think they were lawyers, a loudness and self-confidence, a way of filling space with themselves. She didn’t want to be around anyone she knew right then. She didn’t really want to see people at all.

She put down her glass, and went over to the courtyard door, and pulled it open. It stuck for a moment, making her think it was locked, then opened when she tugged hard. She stepped outside and pulled the door closed again before anyone could notice her.

She stood there for a moment, thinking.

Outside, the courtyard was as cold as she had expected it to be. The wind was damp and clammy, enough she wanted to shiver.

She looked over at the tree, at the young woman who was smoking, and decided she might as well go and say hello. She could try and start a conversation even if it was a complete waste of time. For practice, if nothing else. To take some initiative in her life. To make herself stop hiding from Meredith and staring longingly at every other woman she saw.

It was about time that changed.

She started walking towards the young woman.

She started walking, but halfway there, once she was able to see past the tree, she realized she’d been looking at one of the hotel staff, not another lawyer. The dark skirt and white shirt were the hotel’s uniform, not a suit with the jacket off. It was one of the waitresses who’d been circulating with trays of drinks during the conference breaks. It was one of the waitresses, and she was even younger than Natalie had thought, not much more than twenty.

Natalie stopped, suddenly unsure, wondering if she should just save herself the embarrassment and leave.

She almost did. She almost just walked away. She almost changed her mind and went back inside, and made polite conversation with whoever had turned up in the bar. She almost did, until she realized the young woman was looking at her, had perhaps heard the sound of the door opening, or the tap of Natalie’s shoes.

The young woman was looking at Natalie, and Natalie suddenly felt silly. She stood there, hesitating. She told herself to stop. She was a successful woman, a partner in a major law firm. She shouldn’t be so easily intimidated.

She was that easily intimidated, at least right now. She didn’t know what to do next.

The young woman looked over, and breathed out, and smoke drifted out of her mouth. Natalie could suddenly smell it. The wind was blowing it away from Natalie, but some slight eddy of air caught it, and brought it back her way.