Will there be a Unicorn? and Other Tales

The Royal Pumpkin

The princess ate her porridge with a special silver spoon.
The queen spread butter on her toast and hummed a cheerful tune.
Then suddenly she jumped right up and spilled her cup of tea
And shouted, 'Gracious!' Golly gosh!' and, 'Oh my goodness me!
I've had a simply marvellous and wonderful idea.
Quick, Sir Walter! Go and find my knights and bring them here.'

Soon the breakfast hall was full of knights in shining armour.
They rode in on their mighty steeds and one rode on a llama.
'Your Majesty,' Sir Hector said, 'we're here at your disposal.'
'Good,' the queen said, 'Wonderful. Now here is my proposal:
I want to have a party for our friends this Halloween
And send out invitations from the princess and the queen.

Sir Cuthbert, you can write them. Ready? This is what they'll say:
Dear friends, you are invited on this spooky, scary day
To come for dancing, games and fun and lots and lots of cake
And a very special boat ride on the ornamental lake.'
'But, Majesty,' Sir Cuthbert said, 'it's Halloween tonight.'
'Really, Cuthbert?' asked the queen, 'Oh crumbs! I think you're right.

'Well, well, dear knights, no time to waste. Come on now, let's get busy.
There really is so much to do. I'm getting in a tizzy!
Sir Gilbert and Sir Barnaby, Sir Walter and Sir Bob,
You'll do the decorations. Oh! You'll do a splendid job!
Cardboard witches, small black cats, a great big skeleton,
Cauldrons, broomsticks, vampire bats. Oh my! Won't this be fun!

Silky spider's webs and an enormous paper ghost.'
The queen was so excited that she almost dropped her toast.
'And you can be in charge of food, Sir Humphrey and Sir Roly.
Devilled eggs and candy floss and chips with guacamole,
Toffee apples, sausage rolls and hamburgers with cheese,
Orange soup and fairy cakes and chocolate ice cream, please.

'And you, Sir Marmaduke, would you prepare the royal yacht?
We'll sail our friends around the lake, they'll like that such a lot.
Dear daughter, is the list complete now? What did I forget?'
'The most important thing, Mama! You've not said pumpkins yet!
We'll make some jack o'lanterns and in each we'll place a light,
And put them in the windows so they glow throughout the night.'

'Pumpkins? Yes, of course, my dear. Good grief! I clean forgot!
Sir Hector, take your horse and cart. We'll need an awful lot.'
'Your wish is my command, my queen. I'd better make a start.'
Sir Hector said and rode off home to harness up his cart.
Within an hour, Sir Hector and his steed were on their way.
They galloped off towards the famous pumpkin fields of Bray.

On they rode past shops and schools, a library and a zoo.
(Did I forget to mention that the horse's name was Lou?)
Over hills and bridges, brave Sir Hector galloped fast,
Until he reached those celebrated pumpkin fields at last.
He picked a peck of pumpkins and he put them in a pile.
Then placed each one inside the cart; it took him quite a while.
'Well, that should be enough,' he said. 'Oh, won't the queen be pleased!'
Then jumped on Lou and grabbed the reins. Lou shook his head and sneezed.

They rode back to the palace just as quickly as they could,
But then got lost and somehow ended up inside a wood.
'Oh dearie me,' Sir Hector said, 'I think I've lost my way.
I really don't know where we are.' said Hector. Lou said, 'Neigh!'

Just then they heard a welcome noise: clip clop clip clop clip clop,
And saw a horse and cart approach, Sir Hector shouted, 'Stop!'
The cart was full of melons and a witch sat on the horse,
A bird sat on her shoulder and she smiled and said, 'Of course!
I'm on my way to market with these melons which I'll sell.
Now, how can I assist you? Is there trouble? Are you well?'

'I'm going to the palace on my horse whose name is Lou.'
Sir Hector said, 'But now I'm lost. I don't know what to do.'
'Go down this road and then turn left,' the clever witch replied,
'And when you hit the zoo, turn right. It's not that far to ride.'
'And how long will it take us, Witch? I don't want to be late.
I bring important pumpkins to adorn the rooms of state.'

'Well, if you ride back slowly, Sir, you'll get there soon, I'd say.
But if your ride back quickly, then it's going to take all day.'
'Nonsense!' said Sir Hector. 'Piffle! How could that be true?
I'll ride back fast and get there soon. You'll see! Let's go now, Lou!'
He galloped fast past fields and farms, the shops, the zoo, the school,
But when he reached the palace gate, he shouted, 'I'm a fool!

My cart is empty! On the way my pumpkins all fell down!
I'll have to find them,' Hector said and rode back through the town.
But some had fallen in the stream and some were in the ditch.
Sir Hector said, 'Oh, blast! I wish I'd listened to that witch!'
And some fell in a field that belonged to Farmer Dunn,
Who'd made a truly terrifying scarecrow out of one.

And some fell in the zoo where they were being used as chairs
By a family of seven very tired polar bears.
Just then the witch and cart appeared and Hector gave a shout,
'Help me, Witch! Oh, help me, please! My time is running out!
I've lost my cartload,' Hector said. 'Look! All my pumpkins fell!'
'Now, don't you worry,' Witch replied, 'I think I know a spell.

If I've remembered right, I think it's "Izzy whizzy whumpkin,
Hocus pocus crocus, may this cart be full of pumpkin . . ."'
A whizzing noise, a flash of light, a cloud of purple smoke,
And when it cleared, she gasped and squealed, Lou neighed and Hector spoke,
'You've made the most gigantic pumpkin in the world appear!'
He stood and stared. She rubbed her head and said, 'Oh dear, oh dear!

I must have said it wrong. Oh crikey! Look at what I've done,
Instead of lots of pumpkins, I've made just one giant one.'
Sir Hector said, 'At least I've got one pumpkin for the queen,
Although it is the most enormous one I've ever seen.'
He thanked the witch and said, 'I'm off. I really can't be late.'
And rode off with his pumpkin to the royal palace gate.

But there he saw Sir Marmaduke, who looked depressed and sad.
'Sir Hector, I'm so glad you're back! The news is very bad.
It's really rotten luck. The royal yacht has sprung a leak.
I think that I can fix it but it's going to take a week.'
'Now don't you worry,' Hector said, 'I'm having an idea.
Now go and fetch a dozen knights with swords and bring them here.

Sir Humphrey needs to bring the royal kitchen's biggest spoon.
Now, don't despair, Sir Marmaduke, we'll have a new yacht soon.'
Quickly Marmaduke returned with all the knights he'd found,
They took the pumpkin off the cart and put it on the ground,
And then they used their mighty swords and cut the top half off,
And scooped the flesh out with the spoon and put it in a trough.

And then they put a mast inside the empty pumpkin shell,
And tied to it an orange sail. Sir Humphrey said, 'Well, well!
Just look at that! We've made a splendid royal pumpkin yacht,
And I can cook this flesh in an enormous kitchen pot.'
'But what about my jack o'lanterns?' cried the poor princess,
Who'd run out of the palace in a witch's hat and dress.

Then suddenly she gasped and stared with great big goggle eyes,
The real witch rode through the gate to everyone's surprise.
She drove her cart of melons, on her shoulder sat her bird.
She said, 'Excuse me, Princess, but your cry, I overheard.
I don't have any pumpkins,' (here she sadly shook her head)
'But, Princess, I was wondering, would melons do instead?'

*****

That night they danced and played and sang beneath the starlit sky,
And did their best to finish an enormous pumpkin pie.
They sailed around the lake inside the royal pumpkin yacht
And everybody said that they'd enjoyed themselves a lot.
And when the fun was over and the party guests had gone,
In all the palace windows, melon jack o'lanterns shone.

'Oh, knights! It's been a super lovely party,' said the queen.
'We've had a really, truly splendid time this Halloween.'

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I hope you enjoyed this poem ❤️ It was fun to write although I don't know why I'm writing a Halloween poem in January (!)

Let me have your comments in the comments box and any suggestions on how to improve it would be gratefully received 💬 🩵

Dedicated to OwainGlyn whose poetry is profound, hilarious and everything in between.

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