Lost In Your Love

Chapter 13- Dear Diary,

Dear Diary, 

       This has been quite a week yesterday we worked out the funeral arrangements, it still doesn't seem real I can't believe they're gone. I feel like when I walk in the door they're going to be in the kitchen waiting on me to come home. Why did they have to go? I just wish I could see them one more time.

 Ben has been really grouchy lately and he doesn't want anyone but me. I don't know how i'm going to raise him by myself but i'm not letting him go into foster care no matter what. I know I know i'm only 18 years old and i'll be ruining my life taking in a baby but I could care less about my life I care more about his life. 

Me and Ashton haven't talked much I honestly haven't really talked to anyone much not even Blake who is around me 24/7 he always stays at my house, he never leaves not even to see Isabella. Which is pregnant if you had forgotten. I can't believe that either i'm kinda scared for Blake but I know he'll be a good father he's great with kids. 

Autumn has came by once or twice and stayed with me through the night and as long as I needed her which i'm glad about but i'm just so tired of people asking how i'm doing obviously not good I just lost my parents and i'm raising a 7 month by myself how do you think i'm doing? I'm just so tired of everything and people are expecting me to give a speech tomorrow at my parents funeral. 

I'm going to try but no promises i'll get through it without breaking down. I can already tell it's going to be the hardest day of my life i'm not looking forward to it. I just want to curl up in a ball with Ben in my bed and never come out, is that so hard to ask for? I just want to get away from this life and take Ben with me and never come back, that's really all I want right now oh and of course my parents back.

 We talked to the social worker about Ben though and he's under my custody now of course, i'm honestly kind of scared I mean I know what i'm doing but I never took care of him by myself for a long time. Yeah I have a couple of days maybe when my parents were out of town but they were always coming back now their not, so i'm really nervous.

 When graduation comes me and Ben are going to the beach house and probably not coming back unless we have too. I don't even know if I am going to go on the trip to California or not I don't want to leave Ben alone, but I will think about it.

Graduation is coming up really soon it's already May graduation is right around the corner i'm ready honestly. Well I guess I should go now Ben should be waking up any second now until next time.

    Wednesday May 15, 2016

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