Learning To Love Him (boyxboy) (Completed)

Secret Chapter 3.

"I trust him." I stared at Jayden after he spoke. His eyes were focused on the grass, avoiding mine.

Well... that hurt... a lot... It kind of felt like I had been punched in the stomach. He dropped his hand from my wrist and I bit the inside of my cheek wishing he had not because it made him feel further away.

"You don't... trust me?" I asked softly.

"No." He looked up, "Of course I do. Things are different with Finn and the others." He said.

"Different?" I asked in disbelief, "What? You like him?" I didn't think he did, it just seemed like a good explanation. Not for the others, unless he actually liked everyone more than he did me.

"No, I do not like him that way and yes, different. I know that with him and the others, nothing will happen no matter how close we are. With you –" He stopped before gulping, "With you, every time I'm near you I feel so much, I want you so much and it's terrifying." I opened my mouth but he continued, "I don't want him like I do you. I love being with you but one thing might lead to another, and I want that but I don't. I really... don't, Corey. I want to be near you so badly but it's... hard and scary and it hurts." His voice cracked with the last sentence and I watched him rub his face as his breathing became hard as if he was on the verge of panic.

"Jay," I stepped up to him and took his hands pulling them from his face to reveal his teary eyes. "Calm down..." He nodded at the mumble and began trying to calm his breathing again. I bit my lip bumping my forehead against his for a second, "Jayden, you know I'll never let us do anything you're not ready for." I said.

He shook his head leaning his forehead against my chest; it was obvious he did it just to hide his face now that I took his hands away.

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready, Corey. I can't do that again. I can't. I'm so sorry because it's not fair to you." He sobbed and I felt my heart break.

I grit my teeth glaring at the trees behind him as let his hands go to ran my hands onto his shoulders. I wanted to hug him, but did not want to make him uncomfortable so held back. I hated not having been able to hurt Mike, I wish I had tortured him. I let him off too easy. I wanted him to pay for every time I saw fear in Jayden's eyes when I snuck up on him or touched him, wanted him to pay for every second Jayden stayed up because of nightmares or terror. I sighed slowly listening to Jayden's crying. I couldn't though, he was gone and even if I had kept him alive, no amount of torture would have helped Jayden or changed what had happened to him. Mike didn't get what he deserved but at least we knew for sure that he was gone. With everything he was still struggling with and hiding, at least Jayden did not have to deal with the fact that that man was still around anymore. Hopefully eventually he would be able to heal a little.

As Jayden's crying eased up, I leaned back to cup his face in my hands and lifted his head so he was looking at me again before I smiled. I watched his brows crease in confusion before they softened as his eyes ran over my face. Lifting my thumbs to his cheeks, I wiped his tears away and felt my smile grow seeing how calm he was as he stared up at me. At least I could calm him down.

"You really have nice eyes..." I mumbled. He broke into a choked laugh that caused my brows to furrow in bewilderment.

"What?"

"You said that –" He was cut off by his laughter, "You said that when we were going to the peaks and you were drunk." He chuckled, "And right afterwards you threw up in front of everyone."

"Oh God." I groaned throwing my head while shutting my eyes tightly.

"You think so?" He was still chuckling as I looked down. I did, his eyes were so warm and wide, so inviting despite everything he had been through. They darkened as his laughter stopped though and he glanced back down. I sighed leaning my head against his again.