Zahara
My heart is torn, I wanna forgive Justin for what he did but it's hard because a part of me wants to be completely done with him. I'm truly heart broken by the fact that he cheated. I've gone above and beyond for him so it really hurts that he didn't even think twice before doing what he did. Not only that, he had every opportunity to be honest and tell me the truth. Instead he continued to talk to this girl behind my back and lie about it. I can't forgive him for that, not right now anyway.
My phone vibrated several times and each time I ignored it, I don't really wanna hear about how he's sorry. He should have thought about the consequences before he chose to cheat. We're not together at the moment, I ended both the engagement and the relationship. I think it's best that right now we just co-parent and continue to build a friendship. We tried our best to hold onto something that needed much more work than I think we both imagined.
The past two days have been hard for me, I'm trying to convince myself to be forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes and I understand that but why ask for my hand in marriage if he wasn't gonna be faithful. He asked me to marry him despite the fucked up shit we had going on. I thought that was the most beautiful moment ever. Just the thought of someone wanting to marry me although we had so much to work on swept me off my feet. Our engagement meant so much to me..
I sat my phone to the side and got out of the bed the moment I heard the doorbell ringing. I quickly made my way down the steps and looked out the glass on the door and rolled my eyes. Of course he'd decide to come home after two days of being ignored. I let him see the kids but I haven't talked to him since he left. At that moment I was too upset and I know myself and for that reason I choose not to act on how I felt. It was for the best, I'm a mother and I can't afford to act the way I truly want to. I opened the door and just looked at him, I still don't know what to say to him.
"So you're gonna act like you don't see me texting and calling"
"What do you want?"
"I wanna come home.."
"I didn't kick you out, I asked you to leave. You chose not to come back"
"How was I supposed to know I was even allowed to come back? You asked me to leave and I did. I've been staying in my car contemplating how I can make it up to you. I'm really sorry"
I wanted to close the door the moment he apologized, I don't know but for some reason sorry doesn't do anything. I don't wanna hear sorry a million times, that's not gonna help me forgive him.
"Stop saying you're sorry. You had every opportunity to apologize and tell the truth when it happened. You waited two months before you even said anything. And then you only told the truth because the bitch wouldn't leave you alone I don't even know if I truly believe that's all you did with her. This is beyond an apology"
He placed his hands into pockets and looked down at the ground.
"So what do you want me to do?"
"I wanted you to tell the truth.."
"If you give me a chance, I promise I'll tell the truth"
I just looked at him, I really don't even know if I should believe him. I put my hand on my hip and sighed..
"Please, I don't wanna live without you"
