Ways to my Heart (Mortal Instruments FanFic)

Chapter 3 ~ A Spiraling Vortex of Death

I woke up in my bed. My hands were bandaged and my nails still had blood on them. I had a pounding headache, like someone was hitting a hammer on my head. I slowly leaned up, then reality hit. Margot died, she really died. I wasn't there for her, I was never there for her. Even in her last moments I wasn't there. I felt tears starting to make a path down my cheeks and I quietly sobbed. I heard a rustling coming from the corner of  my room and looked up. Jace was sitting on a chair, he was asleep. Jace must of noticed the fire and how I almost burned everything down. I wanted to be as quiet as possible, hopefully he won't remember. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he will remember. I sat up on bed and rubbed my head, whenever the fire happens afterwards I get a migraine. I slowly get up and see where the fire burned, wow this time it made a star. That's only happened once, no wonder I felt like crap. I get a wave of nausea and run to the bathroom. Yeah, I threw up last time to. I got to the toilet and quickly lifted the top. I let the contents of the food I've in taked for the past few days enter the toilet. I held my hair back and let the vomit pour out of my mouth. It had an acidic taste and was warm.

I finished throwing up and sat down. I flushed the toilet and wiped my mouth off with the back of my hand. I still had a pounding headache and nausea. We tried an iratze before, that didn't work. Thanks Angel Raziel. I took in a raspy breath and stood up. My headache worsened, all I wanted to do was take a shower. I wobbled my way to the sink and turned the water on and splashed some water on my face. I had a high fever and I knew it. I put my hand to my head, I was burning up. An iratze would usually help but whatever I was able to do with that fire made it unable to help. I leaned my elbows against the sink. 

"Clary?" Jace asked coming into view form the mirror. He stepped closer towards me. "Are you feeling any better? I tried putting an iratze on you when you past out but it didn't work so I put you in bed. I couldn't find any mundane medicine-" Jace cut himself off looking at my face in the mirror. "I'll help you back to bed." Jace said stepping closer. I nodded my head slowly, I missed Jace. I couldn't remember much about the fire, star, circle thingy, all I remember is breaking down and a rush of power than being wrapped in Jace's arms. I missed that feeling, that feeling of security when his arms were around me. 

I turned around and almost fell, Jace quickly caught me. I felt tears stinging my eyes again, I felt a little heat at the trail of my feet. The fire was happening again. I felt Jace tug at me and brought me closer to him, I can't believe this is happening. I can't conceal it anymore. 

"Let it go Clary" Jace murmured in my ear, then I let it free. The fire leaped to the ceiling and I felt Jace's arms wrap around my body and then rain started, not dulling the flames though. This is new, rain? Jace's arms tightened even more around me, everything started to blur but I knew I had to let all the emotions I've been keeping in out. That means, anger, and sadness. 

"You bastard!!" I cried into Jace's shirt again, "You cheated on me!!" I screamed again crying. "This isn't fair! You shouldn't be comforting me! You're the one who messed up our relationship in the first place! This isn't fair!! Why does she have to die?! I could have been there, this is all my fault!! It's like a spiraling vortex of death!! Jace, this isn't fair!! Why??" 

I heard thunder crack, like what is happening? I feel myself slipping into a dark abyss as Jace whispers things into my ear like 'I know; I shouldn't have; I love you; Please forgive me Clary; I love you; Let it all out; Deaths a bitch'. I cry harder, I hear the flames roaring and the rain pounding on the tiled floor.