She Breathes the Stars

Chapter Seventeen

Nite's words feel like fire.

They soak into my brain, leaving behind a burning sensation that fizzes all the way down to my heart and to the pit of my stomach. It festers there, causing my face to heat up in anger and my fingers to curl in his t-shirt. It's not a winter fire; the kind that wards off evil and protects you from the cold. It's a summer fire; annoying, persistent, and unnecessary. It's redundant.

I use my hands to push myself off of his chest and study his face. He's got this stupid little smile tugging at the edges of his lips that causes the corners of his twinkling eyes to crinkle and the flirty dimples to cave into his cheeks. He's gazing up at the ceiling as if he's imagining the person now, and is so love-struck that he doesn't even notice how pissed I am right now.

He dares to call me all of these wonderful things, hold me tightly while I sleep and wipe away my imperfections with his own mouth when he's been in love with someone else this entire time?

I'd think that as a person who doesn't even know how the real world works he wouldn't know the concept of cheating and how to do it, but apparently he does. He doesn't know the game but has somehow played it from start to the very finish.

Hot tears swelling into the corners of my eyes; I push myself out of his arms with a shove to his stupidly sturdy chest. He makes an oof noise as the air leaves his body and looks up at me with wide eyes like I've just gone mad. And I have. I am so unbelievably and unbearably furious, and he's about to find out.

Without giving it a second thought, I bring my hand down and slam it across Nite's cheek; fingernails and all. The sting on my palm tells me that it hurts, but not any more than the aching does in my already fragile heart. It's not enough.

"You bastard!"

Nite jumps at my screeching voice as he brings a hand up to cup his quickly blistering cheek. His mouth is hanging in an O shape and flapping repeatedly like a fish out of water. He looks stunned.

"W-What'd you do that for?!" He yells.   

Steam ready to come out my ears, I surge forwards again to slug him but he ducks out of the way, practically crouching under the coffee table. His eyes are wide with either surprise or fear. I hope for the latter.

"Why the hell did you not tell me that you were already in love with someone?" I shriek, fighting to get under the table. "What in the world made you think that it was okay for you to do all those things with me when you already had someone special back at home?"

When I get my hands to where I can reach him Nite bolts out and cowards behind the couch instead. He picks up Widget and holds her to his chest like a shield, knowing that I won't attempt to hit him with my precious cat it his arms. And he's right.

I'm left to stand in the middle of the room with all of my shaking rage to course through my body like electric shocks. I haven't felt this alive in years.

"I didn't know until now!" Nite promises, legs trembling. "Like I said, the memories only come back in blurry waves! I don't even remember what her face looks like; I only know that I love her..." I step forwards. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt you!"

The tears begin to leak from my eyes in hot streams, blurring my vision like his memories and causing my heart to swell in the most painful way. My fists are still clenching and unfurling, waiting for something to hit.

"Why do you love her?"

Nite blinks in confusion at my odd demand, but fulfils it nonetheless. "L-Like I said, I can't remember much, but I know she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Her aura radiates around her like a halo, and kindness just spews from her wherever she goes. But she's taken for granted a lot, and I want to let her know that I'd never dream of doing something like that to her. She's so sad, Tawny, but she deserves to be so happy... I can't help but love her."

That's all I need to hear.

All at once the fight is released from my body. My limbs go numb, reducing my legs to jelly as I fall to my knees on the floor. The tears keep coming in relentless streams, blocking out my vision and giving me an excuse to cover my face with my hands. The fire has been extinguished, leaving behind an unbelievably empty feeling that desperately needs to be filled again. But it won't be by him.

Beautiful things leave first.

The saying makes since now. My beautiful Nite will leave me for someone far more beautiful than I. He will leave me alone with my forlorn thoughts.

The loveliest flowers in the garden will always get picked first, and I will get picked last.

Of course he will leave me for her. Why would he want someone with a mine field for a mind? One wrong step and I could just detonate and shatter everything. My mind changes as fast as a ticking time bomb.

I will remain in the garden until new lovely flowers grow.

But that doesn't mean they will pick me first.

I will remain in the garden...

My tears become sticky. The feeling grows numb. I will come to be used to the feeling once again. Why was I even surprised in the first place?

Standing up, I dust myself off from the dirt on the floor. My hair is once again in a tangled mess around my face, but I don't bother to push it away as I stride over to Nite and pluck my cat from his arms. I allow myself one glance at him before I turn away.

Dark unruly strands of curly hair, darker eyes, pale skin, soft lips, dimples that you could swim in, button nose, warm, warm, warm, warm... I look away.

"I'm going to my room," my voice is softer and more controlled than I thought it would be. "If you need anything before you go, there's food in the fridge and a backpack in the closet. You can take anything you need. I expect you to be gone by morning."

A hand on my shoulder stops me before I can trudge away. I let it, because I can get away with just a little, but I know it won't last for long. The feeling of being wanted is never permanent. 

The hands turns me towards him, pulling my body close enough that I can feel his breath on my face. But I don't dare look up to meet his eyes, I've already said my goodbyes.

"You remind me of the girl," his voice is weak, pleading.

It makes me pause, but only for a moment.

"I am not her."

"But what if you are?"

I yank my shoulder away from him, turn on my heal and cuddle Widget close to my chest. She purrs, as if to console me in some way, and I bury my face in her fur as I make the track back to my room. I can feel his presents looming closely behind me, but not close enough to enter my room as I shut the door and lock it tightly behind me.

My shoulder blades bang against the door as I slide down the length of it, coming to a stop on the floor as I feel Nite do the same. I feel his warmth radiate through the door, his back pressing against mine through the solid material on the other side, and I just can't force myself to move away. I'm tempted to slide my fingers under the bottom to search for his, but I know I can't get away with that much.

For now, this is enough.

So I sit with Widget on my lap, the sticky tears drying on my face, and my heart turning to stone. I think that maybe, just maybe, a heartbreak like this is what I needed the entire time: A lost love to teach me to remain in the garden until I find another.

And remain I will.

Until the warm sensation behind the door slowly vanishes.

..............Author's Note.................

*evil smirk*

-Iridescent