She Breathes the Stars

Chapter Nine

The balcony is beginning to feel more real every time I visit it. Everything on it, including the boy awaiting my reply on the white wood, seems more physical and tangible than it ever had been when I first started having these dreams. I'm having trouble deciphering between nonfiction and fiction, and it's hard to tell what an illusion is anymore. I know that I have fallen asleep in the real world, but who knows if this really is a dream and not reality.

After all, I can feel the chilly wind every time it blows through the branches, and feel Nite's warmth when he steps closer to me. His colorful eyes are clear, not at all foggy like they would be in a dream, and I can smell the freshly cut grass on the ground below us. It doesn't feel like a dream at all, yet, it has to be.

"The cells in your blood have made me half-human." He had said.

Nite is awaiting my response patiently, with his glittering breath swirling up in the wind to join the night sky and his feet rocking back and forth uncomplainingly. I have been silent for at least a couple minutes now, but the words on the tip of my tongue seem to be stuck. I can't get them out, and I don't know why.

So, I decide to take a few deep breaths and go to the railing of the balcony instead. I expect to see the cut grass that I smelled before, but instead I see the sea of galaxies that I admired tremendously a few sleeps ago. It looks like normal water, but the ocean is dark with the star-filled sky reflected in the waves. It is unbelievably beautiful, almost identical to Nite's eyes, and I remember how tempted I was to jump in it before. But I also remember how it turned as murky and sticky has think molasses when I did.

"Beautiful things can often hurt you, Tawny." Nite says, fingers splayed out on the railing. "This sea, just like people, has a mask that allows them to hide their imperfections behind. It may be beautiful on the outside, but you need to know that beautiful things, such as old fairytales, friends, and even me, have a down side. Don't be too quick to trust them, because they may just swallow you up."

The water has risen tremendously over the past few minutes. So much so that if I were to lay on my stomach and dangle my arm over the wooden floor, my fingers would defiantly brush the surface. I'm tempted to, but I believe what he says about it swallowing me whole. I know beautiful things often do. I just don't understand why he's saying not to trust him himself.

"You're supposed to save me, though."

He doesn't look at me. Instead, he raises his head to the sky and breathes out a long, slow sigh. We watch together as the wisps of glitter rise into the night and disappear into the black abyss. A few seconds later, a star emerges right above our heads, and he smiles.

"I'm not here to save you, Tawny." He whispers, sitting down so that the tops of his feet dangle over and brush against the water. "I'm only here to help you save yourself. If I alone were here to take over and do all the work myself, then after I left you would only break again. That is why you must not get to close. Your loneliness is what broke you the first time; and it mustn't happen again."

Broken.

Yes, I am broken. I pushed everyone in my life away when they were only there to help, and then became depressed over how lonely I am. I even tried to push Nite away, and when I couldn't do that, I became too close that it might hurt me when he leaves. It's only been two days since he has shown up, but hearing this Nite say that the other Nite back in the igloo with me is going to leave, it makes my heart throb almost painfully.

The ocean below us is starting to look more and more tempting.

With trembling knees, I sit next to the pale boy and dangle my feet in the water as well. It's warm, almost comforting, and it reminds me of the warmth that Nite provided me under the tree while the snowflakes fluttered around us. What will happen when he leaves, and I become alone again?

"There's a large difference between feeling lonely and being alone." Dream Nite says softly. "Little do you know, Tawny, that you were never truly alone. Your family was always with you, ready to help, yet you pushed them away, causing yourself to feel lonely. Yes, there are some things that you must distance yourself from, like this sea and the Earth me, but the people who love you will never stop loving you. I, in this body, care for you very deeply. But I do not know how the me down on Earth will start to feel about you, so I advise you to be careful. I can no longer control him or what he does. He doesn't remember who he is, nor will he ever."

All of his words sound like mush in my brain. The more he talks, the more I understand, but the more questions I have come along with it. I understand that the person here and the person "on Earth" are not the same, but I don't understand why. Why is there two of them? Why are they different? Why is one alive and the other one is not? Why can't one remember who he is? And why can't one control the other?

Dream Nite must see how troubled I look, because he begins to explain.

"Your blood has changed everything, Tawny." He says. "He's now only half of me, so I can't control most of what he does. I believe that he understands he's with you for a reason, but he doesn't know what that reason is yet. He has his own emotions. He could end up hating you, plain liking you, or even loving you. It isn't up to me anymore. And because he's half-human now, his body reacts oddly to different temperatures, which I'm sure you've already noticed. Other than that, all I can tell you is to be careful. Once his job is fulfilled, he will come back to me. I don't know when that will be, so be prepared to lose him. Do not get too attached. Remember the sea below us and you will be alright."

But the sea is beautiful, and so is Nite.

And I don't know how I will react when he leaves me.

I don't have time to think about it for much longer though, because then Dream Nite presses his index finger to my forehead, like a blessing, and I begin to wake up.

...

Warmth. I can feel his warmth again.

My back is still pressed against his front, with my body slid down so that my head can rest on the place between his shoulder and neck, but I can tell that he has been awake and moving because his arms are now wrapped around my stomach. His cheek is pressed against my hair and the whole situation is making me feel uncomfortable. We've been through a lot with each other for the past two days, but not enough for cuddling.

The tempo in Nite's breathing changes and he lifts his head. I keep my eyes closed in order not to make things awkward; just to see what he's going to do.

And he pokes my cheek.

"Tawny." He whispers. "Are you awake?"

I let out an annoyed sigh and open my eyes. That sigh quickly catches in my throat when I see our surroundings, the first thing I notice being that we are no longer in an igloo, because it has melted around us and is now into a gigantic, cold puddle. The water is freezing and crystalizing to my jeans, but Nite seems perfectly fine.

"You melted it."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I didn't mean to."

I sit there a second, quaking in my soggy clothes, and then quickly detach myself from Nite before anything else can get too weird. He allows me to take the jacket from him and put it around myself since he is no longer cold. In fact, anything from a five-foot radius from us is now melted and dripping with wet snow. Which is good, because it's no longer snowing either.

"Can we go home now?" Nite asks carefully, and my heart rate speeds up.

We. Home.

"Yeah."