She Breathes the Stars

Chapter Ten

Ever since my parents died, I never really believed that there was a place for me to go home to. There was my cabin; but it never gave me the warm feeling that the word home should've portrayed. There was the weeping willow that I liked to sit under during my long walks into town, but it was more like an escape from the jail that I called my house. There wasn't a home, and I never thought that there would be; but when I heard Nite ask me in that tired voice of his if we could go home, I got that wholehearted feeling for the first time in god knows how long.

I want to go home.

So, as we walk along the dirt path that is now slushy with melting snow, it's hard for me to keep the smile off my face. My lungs feel as if they're breathing in fresh air from the highest mountain top, and my legs are limber and supple as if I had just ran a race.

Everything would be perfect if I didn't know that Nite will be leaving me soon.

But, if I keep my eyes on the clouds above us and pay attention to how nice the woods smell, then I can keep myself distracted from that fact. After all, I don't know exactly when he's going to leave, and I don't believe that I'm that attached to him yet, so I should be fine. I just can't think about it.

Warm breath, soft skin, glittering fog, cozy hugs, vibrant eyes, chilly igloos...

"You fainted last night," I blurt out.

Nite turns to look at me with a raised eyebrow, the skin on his forehead slightly shiny with sweat. His eyes are almost black again, considering that it's morning, and that does a good job distracting me from what happened last night. At least for a little bit.

"I did?" He asks. "I thought I was awake the entire time."

I remember how cold his skin became, how his lips turned from blue to purple and the snow crystalized on his eyelashes. He felt like a lump of snow in my arms, and the slowness of his heartbeat made me want to whip out the cell phone I didn't have and call 911. He was defiantly out cold; no doubt about it.

"What makes you think that?"

Nite suddenly stops in his tracks, looking up to the sky like he's trying to remember something. The wind rustles his hair.

"Weren't you there?" He asks, voice sounding a little forced. "Weren't you on the balcony with me?"

The wind whistles through the trees, snagging a nearby leave off of a branch and pushing it ever so gently towards the ground. It disappears behind Nite, just like I knew it would. But the sun is covered by the grey clouds, so of course he isn't translucent yet. Yet.

"Tell me about the balcony," I say calmly. "What were we doing there?"

"I don't know," he says, furrowing his eyebrows. "I just know that I took you there, and that we were talking but I couldn't hear what we were saying. There was an ocean below us, and you wanted to jump in, but I don't think I wanted you to. It was the same scenario as before, but I just couldn't hear this time."

If my brain could make a sound in this moment, it would be making that beeeeeep noise an old television does when a program gets cancelled and the screen becomes all fuzzy: Confusing, obnoxious, and just down-right frustrating.

Unfortunately though, I don't get much time to think about it because when we turn the last corner that comes to my house, there's a car parked in the driveway. An old red truck, with the bumper half way falling off and college stickers stuck to the back. I know whose car it is immediately, and the realization makes me extremely happy and tremendously afraid all at the same time.

The beeping in my brain grows louder as I grab Nite's wrist and consider throwing him into the nearest bush. Instead, I just stand in front of my house like a deer caught in headlights and breathe heavily through my nose. The lights in the living room are on, shinning out on us through the window, and I can see my sister's shadow moving throughout the house.