Strings Attached

Chapter 5

"Oh, no, I'm not playing for tips," Castiel tells the man.

"Keep it anyway," he replies. "You earned it."

Castiel awkwardly looks down at his guitar and continues playing. He's vaguely aware of Gabriel getting up and leaving. His friends must be here. Castiel doesn't mind him leaving. Actually, he's grateful. He doesn't want to have to worry about his brother's judgement."

"You should sing something!" a little girl calls out. Castiel glances up to see a couple kids, no more than six years old, watching him now as well.

"I don't have anything to sing," Castiel replies.

"Pleeeeaaaase?" the girl begs.

Why she cares, Castiel will never understand, but he doesn't like disappointing people. His very existence does that enough.

He sighs and plays a song he wrote a long time ago, surprised his fingers remember where to go. He has to fight to remember the words, though he knows exactly what it's about.

His favorite part is the bridge. He was always proud of those lines, though he doesn't know why. Maybe it's because the author can't write songs and this is all she can think of. Who knows?

"His eyes burned through me like the fires of hell. I should have known that it wouldn't end well. But I was captivated and I thought I loved him until it all broke down..."

"Never heard that song before," a familiar voice remarks.

Castiel's head shoot up, his eyes locking with those of none other than Dean Winchester. Of course. Of freaking course. Immediately, Castiel looks down at his guitar and continues his mindless strumming.

"What's it called?" Dean asks.

"I don't know," Castiel mumbles. He never names his songs.

"Who's it by?" Dean asks.

Castiel hesitates, then says, so quietly it's barely audible, "Me."

"I thought you didn't write songs," Dean reminds him.

Castiel doesn't answer, and instead continues to play randomly.

"It's awesome," Dean adds. "Really. When'd you write that?"

"Last year," Castiel replies.

It takes Dean a moment to realize what it's about, the timeframe helping move the process along. "Crowley, I'm guessing?"

Castiel doesn't respond.

"I didn't see you during lunch today," Dean adds. "I figured you'd come back to the band room."

Castiel remains silent.

"What are you doing, playing out here, anyway?" Dean asks him.

"My dad kicked me out," Castiel replies.

"Oh, right. You're Gabriel's brother," Dean recalls. "He invited me and Sam to come here with him. God knows where they are now."

Oh, so "Sammy" is Sam Winchester? Great. Just great. Now he's got to deal with both the Winchesters. As if one jock wasn't bad enough, he's now here with two of the most athletic people in the school. With his rough history with athletes, Castiel is more than wary to be stuck with them. At least Sam's generally nice to him.

"Well, don't mind me," Dean says. "Return to your music."

Castiel doesn't continue singing, not wanting Dean to hear anymore of his personal thoughts. It's embarrassing enough that Dean heard his song about Crowley, back when he thought the jock was more heartbreaking than cruel.

Instead, Castiel continues strumming mindlessly, his calloused fingers gliding across the strings with ease. It's easy to pretend he's alone when he just plays like this. It's his escape from everything, and he welcomes with with open arms.

"Castiel!" Gabriel says loudly, breaking him from his trance. "Castiel! Castiel! Castiel!"

Castiel looks up at him expectantly.

"Dad said we can go home," Gabriel informs him. "I'm gonna stay with Sam instead, but he wanted me to tell you."

"Thanks," Castiel mumbles, weaving his pick between the strings as he always does to keep it safe. He's about to put his guitar in the case when he realizes how much money is in there. That has to be at least fifty bucks. Wow, that's incredible.

Castiel scoops the money out of there, then thinks better if it and just carefully places the guitar on top to keep the dollar bills still. He'll take care of the money at home.

"Leaving already?" Dean asks, sounding almost disappointed. "I was hoping you'd stay around, play a little more."

Castiel shakes his head silently and stands up, holding the guitar case.

"Why not?" Dean asks. "If Gabriel is going to stay, I'm sure you can, too."

"Homework," Castiel says, the first thing he thinks of.

"It's Friday," Dean reminds him. "You can do homework over the weekend."

"I just — I have to go," Castiel stammers before walking away as quickly as he can. When he thinks he's out of sight, he allows himself to limp. He has no one to pretend he's okay to, so why should he?

But what he doesn't know is that Dean is still watching, both confused by his sudden disappearance and disappointed, but also worried. He doesn't know how bad Castiel has it in life, and if Castiel has it his way, he never will. No one will. It's his cross to bear, and he doesn't want to drag anyone else into this.