INFATUATED 《KNJ》✓

Chapter 10

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A month has passed and the winter is going to end soon. You notice how the weather getting warmer each day and somehow that view warm your empty heart a bit.
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It's been a month too since Namjoon left your place that night. That night, when you blurted out those stupid words to him.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I thought you love me." you remember how sad his smile was.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I-I-I thought I love you." you don't know how you manage to said those words. "But I was just..... Infatuated, with you." you continue and witness a drop of single tear fall from his eyes.
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Without any word, he stood up, turn away, and left.
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Now with the cold winter fade away, you think your cold heart also melted away. Yes, it was hard this whole month. Namjoon he never fail to appear in your day, not even once. He will coming up with a short yet sweet good morning text, or if he missed it he will texted you in the noon, just to remind you to eat. He never missed a day and you know it too well that you never stop thinking of him.
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The thing about Namjoon is he really respect your choice. When you said you need time, he really give you time. Of course he still texted you and sometime called you, he said he need to appear at least once a day so you won't forget about him.
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Half of you was annoyed or should you said pretend to be annoyed but another half, you're just happy. Happy that he still fight to win your heart. He didn't give up just because you want to. He keep fighting, although you never promise him anything.
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This whole month you've been drowning yourself in your mind, deeper and deeper each day. You want to know, if you really want him or not. You don't want to hurted him but you can't make him wait forever too. You were scared, of course.. you don't want to lose him and regret it for the rest of your life if you make a mistake. It's confusing.
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Today, you took a day off and purposely woke up earlier than usual. It was, raining again.. not too heavy, just drizzle rain. You let the curtain stuck to each side, so you can get the full view of the grey city from your wide glass window. Sipping your hot black coffee, you close your eyes, enjoying the good smell that always relaxing you.
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Then, those scene that you had with Namjoon ever since that first day when you shared umbrella with him until the last time you saw him, everything that you've passed with him replay like an old movie in your head. You remember how his deep dimples appear whenever he smile. His silly yet sweet smile that always appear when his eyes met you. Or his awkward and confused smile when he first met your mother back then.
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You remember how he smell when he hug your small frame gently. He didn't hug you tight, just as if he wanted to hold you carefully because he know you're fragile, although you're strong enough.
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You remember how he called you love, how it sounds so good in your ears. You missed it.
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You remember how he kiss you that night, on a peppero day. A sweet and unforgettable first kiss that makes you feel like everything was zoomed out as a background and nothing else matter in this life anymore.
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He's always there, he always love you. He even wanted to change just to be with you. He treasure you and treat you well. He loves you.
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Open your eyes as a deep sigh flew out from your mouth, you grab your phone, bags, and coats before rush out.
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You miss him, badly.
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Arrived at the company, you rush to the receptionist, asking if you can find him.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I'm sorry miss. They're not here yet and you can't meet him if you don't have any permission. If you wanted to deliver your fan-letter we can-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I'm not a fan! I'm his gi-" you almost revealed your identity but then you remember you're the one who dumped him. Do you still have the right to say that you're his girlfriend? "Nevermind. Thank you." you muttered and leave the building.
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You tried to call him but he never pick up. Checked out the time, you wonder if he haven't wake up yet. "But he's a morning person. Most of the time he even sleep at dawn or morning." that's when the fact hit you, he might be just fall a sleep awhile ago.
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Sighing you walked away weakly from the building and when you passing the coffee shop, a familiar flashback hit you. That's the place where you met him for the first time. Smiling a bit, you get in for more coffee.
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Then, when you were about to leave, the rain starting to fall heavier and since you were in a rush earlier you didn't bring umbrella. You were about to run through the rain when a voice stopped you, a familiar voice.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"It's suck, right?" you turned around to find him, wearing his brown hoodie and helding a cup of coffee. He didn't look at you but you can see everything through his bare face. He must be stay awake until now from last night again. Then you just realize he was using the same sentence that you said to him on your first meeting.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"N-Namjoon,.. I-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Since your office it's not that far, I will let you use my umbrella then. You can count it as a pay back for what you did to me back then." He cut you and finally look at you. His words were cold and full of sorrow.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I didn't go to work today." you muttered slowly and you were sure his eyes was filled with curiousity for awhile before he look away. "But you can send me there too. I'll ask them to send me home." you continue and he nod before both of you walking under the rain.
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The steps that you both took was so peaceful and slow. Everything feels like slow motion. You, in the other hand was wondering if he treat you coldly in purpose or he's done waiting for you and perhaps really hate you now. You don't like that second one, really. In no time, both of you arrived in your company building soon and you took a deep breath before you stop him when he about to leave.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Namjoon, I want to tell you something." you blurted our of sudden and he turn to you still with cold expression, waiting for you to continue. "I've think a lot for this month, about me, about you, about us... and I think I realize now that I really-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Infatuated, with me. I know." He cut you off again and you widened your eyes.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"No, listen Namjoon, I-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I understand now, Rise. I think you're right. I also, just infatuated with you." He cut you off for another time but this time you didn't stop him, your eyes widened, don't believe of what you just heard.
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"I like the idea that my girlfriend is a boss of this converse company. I always in love with converse, just for your information. I think we will be a cool couple. You and me." He chuckles but you didn't. "At first, I guess we really gonna last. It was fun and I'm happy but then... you makes me realize about the fact. I maybe realize it late but we're just infatuated at each other. So, it's okay, Rise. Don't think about it anymore. Don't think about me anymore." He ended it with a smile before turn away from you, and walkaway.
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You don't know how long you stood there since he left, but now he's no longer in your sight. When you awake from your deep thought, without thinking twice you run under the rain, turning left and right if you can find him. You run your way back to his company, hoping you still can find him but nope. You didn't find him anywhere, maybe.. maybe he already back to his studio.
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Maybe, just maybe both of you aren't meant to be.
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