INFATUATED 《KNJ》✓

Chapter 9

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Look out to the dull sky through your glass window, you let out a sigh. It's raining again today. You usually love rain so much that you think it was your lucky day. Still warm in your mind, that day where you first met him. That beautiful rainy day, but now... why the rainy day makes you frowning?
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It has been a week since you met Namjoon and he really fulfill his words. He really leave you alone and not even once try to contact you. Somehow you feel relief but sometimes you feel suffocate.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Rise, we're going to leave in 10, are you ready?" Mark came in your room and your eyes shifted to him.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Where?"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"The photoshoot. Today will be our first photoshoot with BTS as our new ambassador."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Ah... right." you muttered and look away, drowning in your mind.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"So, are we going or not?" He asked again, noticing you still stay silent. "You can stay if you feel unwell." He added as if he can read your mind.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I'm alright, let's go." you turned to him and grab your things and put it into your bag.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"You sure? I can say that you're busy or something.. I know there's something between you and that group's leader and although I don't know what it is, don't force yourself." He reply, still stood on his spot.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Your eyes aren't big for nothing, huh?" you chuckles a bit and he smile, "But I'm alright. Anyway, I can't keep hiding. Let's go." you added and both of you heading to the shooting location.
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The moment you arrived, BTS already started doing their make up by their make-up artist and of course under the discussion with your staff to keep the theme. Few staffs who notice your presence bow at you as your eyes still scanning the area for someone. After all of them done the outfits and make up, you and Mark walk closer to them and then your eyes meet him.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"You guys rock the converse!" you greet them happily and they smile shyly, but Namjoon only fake a smile.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Thank you. We're really a big fan of converse." The eldest, Jin reply you instead of Namjoon.
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Somehow you wish it was Namjoon who give response to you, but you can't blame him either.
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The photoshoot start shortly and although you don't really have to stay, you still stay as this is the first photoshoot and you think it's better if you stay there until the end. You're not sure if it's because you wanted to see him longer, or is it just really you being professional.
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Through the whole photoshoot, you can't lie that your eyes keep searching for Namjoon. It's like no matter how many times you tried to look away, you will end up looking at him more. It's a relief that it's other members turn now, so you don't need to looking at him to make you feel this weird feeling in your heart anymore.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Have a cup of coffee, Miss Ryu." Someone said as a cup of coffee placed in front of you. Turned to the voice owner, it's none other than Kim Namjoon.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"T-thanks." you replied, turned away, cursing inside that why you don't see him coming, at least maybe you can prepare your heart.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"How is it? You watched us, right?" He start the conversation normally, and you were a bit relief about that.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Yeah. I'm satisfied. It will turn out really good, I bet." you smile a bit, as your heart slowly calmed down. If Namjoon can manage to hide his real feelings well, you know you can do it too.
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Both of you fell in silence as you try to focus on Jimin and Taehyung who was having fun while shooting, then you sip your coffee and your eyes automatically steal glance at Namjoon. He looks so fine beside his jawline are getting sharper, his eyes still shining like the last time you remember and his side view is really mesmerized you. He's your boyfriend and yet you still abandoned him, can you be more thankful, Rise? Thousand or maybe million girls out there wishing they were you. But-
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You were deep in your mind but suddenly he turn to your side, caught you red-handed staring at him.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Should I ask that typical sentence in drama whenever this kind of scene came out?" He asked and you were confused.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"W-what?"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Should I ask you, 'Is there something on my face?' after I caught you staring at me?" He asked and you were so sure that you never be this embarrased in your life.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"T-there is!" you answered randomly and he was a bit surprised. "Tonight, I will tell you. Just come over. I got something to say."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Rise, I-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Text me the time, when you will be free."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I won't free tonight."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"O-oh? Really? Then-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I had a bad feeling today, so let postpone it to tomorrow and please consider to change your mind." He reply looking directly to your eyes as he stood up and leave you dumbfounded.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Did he know what I wanted to do?" you asked in your mind and let our a relief sigh as the scene flashback again in your head.
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You told about Namjoon to your bestfriend few days ago. At first, she doesn't believe when you said BTS's leader Kim Namjoon is your boyfriend, but after you showed her the selcas you both had, she breakdown.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"What's the problem now? You're a fan of him, you like him so much and he liked you too! You're the luckiest girl in the world Rise!"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"But, Joanne. I feel something weird. The beginning feels so amazing, like dream come true! Yes, I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. But after our first fight, I think-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"You think you don't really like him?"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I-it's not like that. I like him, it's just.. that side of him, I still can't accept it. I don't know, maybe because it's the first time I saw him yell and mad and left me like that, so..."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I think I understand now."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"W-what?? What is it?"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"You like him, but you still can't accept all of him."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"N-no.. I accept him. I understand him being an idol, his schedule and all."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"You don't even know him so well."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I do know him! I'm his fans if you forgot."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"That's the point, you know him as a fans."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"But we already date for months."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"You're infatuated with him, Rise. You accepted to be his girlfriend only because you like the idea of having him to be called as your boyfriend. You like him because he's perfect in your eyes, but that's not love yet Rise, that's infatuation and it's dangerous. Once you found his flaw, you will re-think about it, just like what you did now. Did you really like him? Did you really accept him, along with his weakness, his flaw.. like all of him?"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Infatuated?"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Infatuated?" Namjoon asked after you told him about what you've been thinking about lately and he let out a chuckles. "Is this a joke, Rise?"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Namjoon, you listened to me. I'm sorry, I'm the one at fault. You can hate me, but this is the truth. I realize that I'm not really in love with you, Namjoon. I'm just infatuated with you. I don't know if it's because we started dating too fast or what, but for now, I don't want to keep hurting you and giving you false hope."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"What do you mean by hurting me and giving me false hope? I told you, I'm fine. I'm fine waiting for you. I will give you time. I don't mind it all, so please don't tell me that word." He shake his head and smile, but that smile hurt you.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Namjoon. I don't want to hurt you." you whisper slowly.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"You already did!" he yelled out of sudden before let out a long sigh. "You told me, you can't accept my flaws yet and only like me because you see me as a perfect one, right?" He asked and hold your hand on the table, looking at you seriously. "Fine, I will be anything you want. Just tell me, what you wanted me to do and what you dislike about my behavior. I will be the perfect man for you. I won't show my flaw and-"
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"NAMJOON!" it's your turn to yell and cut him. "Please don't be like this. I don't want you to be fake. I still wanted you being yourself."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"NO! If that will make you leave me, then no." He whispered and stood up abruptly. "I'm leaving. I'm tired today."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"Namjoon, we should finish it tonight." you held to his wrist, stop him from going anywhere. "I'm sorry, but I don't want to hurt you more."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I think it will be awesome."
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I think we will be awesome." you confessed, lowered your head.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"They said we are meant to be." He continue remember what their friends said about them.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"They though we are meant to be." again, you changed his sentence.
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Turn around, he kneel down to match your height who still sat on the couch.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I thought you love me." He smile, but it was the saddest smile you ever seen.
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"I-I-I thought I love you." you stuttered and not realize that the small pool in your eyes were visible to him. "But I was just..... Infatuated, with you." you continue and witness a drop of single tear fall from his eyes.
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Without any word, he stood up, turn away, and left.
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Is it going to be the end of both of you?
Is it going to be end like this?
Just because of, Infatuation?