His Bad Boy (L.S. BDSM AU)

Chapter 11 - Lost

Each passing day felt like a week. He woke up to a man who acted as if he hadn't cried into his chest the night before, who ignored him and asked to be left alone.

Louis had been adamant to take a leave of absence from school, to stay with Harry when the previous night had been more rough than the others. The dominant had been drunk the night before when Louis got home, refusing to let Louis near him and then clinging to him and crying when Louis finally got him into the bathtub.

But Harry made him leave in the morning again, saying there was no use in missing school when he would be in the same state when Louis got back.

It was impossible to keep up with his schoolwork when all he wanted to do was stay by Harry's side, to make sure he ate and did not get trapped in his head.

The six hours he had to spend away from the man were excruciating, he had to keep his tears and thoughts to himself, he felt like he was losing Harry and it hurt in the worst way possible.

He found Lauren in the dining room, setting up plates that would go unused.

"Hey, how's he?" He asked after getting her attention.

She shook her head, eyes sadder than Louis had ever seen on her, "Wouldn't leave the room, doesn't eat. I'm sorry, Louis."

Louis went up to her and took her in his arms, she had been trying her best, they all had been, but it broke their hearts to see the person they love at their worst.

He was a fool when he once thought that Harry had everything a person could possibly want, that he had that since he was born. Clearly, the man was just good at keeping his feelings hidden, it was evident how much hurt he was carrying. There was so much pain in his eyes, as if he was done hiding, as if he couldn't keep it anymore.

Louis gulped around the tightness in throat and nodded, "I'll take something up for him."

Tea and toasted bread was all Harry could keep down, if he even ate. He carried the tray upstairs, finding the room bathing in dull light, but enough for him to make his way by the man's side.

Harry was buried under the covers, layers of them hiding him under.

Louis knelt by his side, pushing hair away from his forehead and kissing the damp skin. His eyes stung upon seeing the hollow of the man's cheeks, his sunken eyes, the paleness of his skin.

"Harry, wake up, love," he spoke in a low tone, "You gotta eat something."

Keeping his touch delicate, he caressed the man's cheek, watching as Harry blinked his eyes open and offered him a smile before it was replaced by a mask of indifference.

They gazed at each other for a while as Louis waited for some hint to assess Harry's mood. There were some days when he would shut Louis out completely, not responding to a word he said. Then there were days he was starved for Louis' touch, taking Louis into his arms the moment he saw him.

He sighed when Harry placed a kiss to his palm.

"Heard you haven't eaten all day, that's not good for you, love."

"Why are you here?" Harry's voice was scratchy from not using it, his brows furrowed as he questioned Louis.

"Harry-"

"Why are you putting up with me?" Harry asked again, dejection in his voice. "All I do is make you miserable, you shouldn't be around bad things, Lou."

"Don't say that, I wouldn't want to be anywhere but by your side," he clasped his fingers with Harry's when he found his hand under the duvet. "You can't shut me out, so stop trying to."

"I'm a mess, Lou," Harry whispered, "And I have made you so upset."

"I don't care. Just tell me what you need, or who. Is there someone I can call?" He would ask each day, to call anyone Harry needed, be it his family or a friend, but the answer was the same each time.

"No, I just need you."

"Then let me be here, please," he begged, his fingers holding on tightly to Harry's hand. "Let me be here."

Harry sighed and closed his eyes, "I hurt you too much."

"You only hurt me when you push me away."

When Harry looked at him again, it was with acceptance in his eyes. Louis smiled lightly as the man pulled himself up from under the layers of covers and shifted to make space for Louis.

Louis took him in his arms immediately, letting Harry rest against his shoulder.

"Want some tea?"

The man shook his head.

"Please, just a cup," he insisted.

"Fine."

"And some toast?"

"Lou..."

"For me, please?"

He could only get Harry to eat a single piece of toast and half a cup of tea, but it was still better than nothing.

Harry laid silently in his arms after that, letting out slow breaths against his throat. He ran his fingers through Harry's hair, gently untangling each knot and then slowly massaging his scalp.

This way, he could almost pretend that things were normal, that it was just another Friday night where they were enjoying the comfortable silences beneath the sheets.

Harry pressed a kiss to his neck, arm curling around his waist as he settled himself against Louis, letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm going to try and get better," he spoke, "For you, for us. I'll call my therapist tomorrow."

Louis cupped Harry's cheek, making him tilt his face up, "I want you to get better for yourself, Harry, not for me, or anyone else."

"If... if it was just me, I wouldn't want- wouldn't ever call anyone for help, but Lou, I don't want this thing to break us apart, I hate to think of a life where I lose you," Harry confessed, a single tear rolling down his cheek before others followed its wake, "I can't lose you, so I will do this for us, as much as I'll do it for myself. I want you to be there for me, wait for me, because I know it won't get better in a day, or a week, and I can't- I can't--"

He wrapped Harry in his arms as the man broke down into tears. "You won't ever lose me, Harry. I'm staying by your side no matter what, we will get through this, we will."

~