Tenerife Sea (Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran)

9

There's silence for what seems like forever. 

"Mom.." I start, but I don't bother to finish. "I've preached safe sex to you since you could walk," my mom says, disappointment in her voice. I sigh. "I know, but i'm 27. It's not the worst thing, Mom. I mean obviously its not ideal and the father is not ideal, but it's happening. I'm sorry." There's more silence. "I'll let your father know and we'll catch the next flight to LA. Don't do anything stupid please, Taylor," my mother says before hanging up on me. Don't do anything stupid? Who does she think I am? Just because I got pregnant without planning it doesn't mean I'm not capable. If I wasn't an adult before, I sure as hell am one now.

Olivia jumps on my lap and I smile, petting her as she purrs. "Things were awfully simple being the mother of two cats," I whisper. "You'll always be my baby, Liv. I mean soon i'll have a human baby, but you'll still come first. Well, actually thats kind of messed up so you'll come second. I promise," I tell her, laughing at myself. 

I move into the kitchen, deciding to make some grilled cheese to eat with my chicken noodle soup Ed had brought me for dinner. Tonights probably one of the first nights in weeks i've eaten dinner alone. I've been back and forth to New York and surrounded by friends lately.. especially Ed. I realize that i'm not eating alone.. i'm eating for a baby too. I shutter at the thought of my own real live human being living here in a short 8 months. I know I have to get used to the idea, but I feel like it's not even real. I feel like at any moment i'll wake up and realize it was just a scary nightmare... I wish. 

I sigh and throw the sandwich on the griddle at medium heat. While it cooks I retrieve the soup Ed had dropped off for me, and I pour it out of its styrofoam cup and into a bowl. As I wait for the grilled cheese, I take time to take in my surroundings.. my kitchen. It's all so neatly decorated and organized. I take time to notice how nice my white cabinets compliment my wooden counter tops. The room is painted yellow and bowls filled with arrays of fruits sit on my counter tops. The cabinet in the corner is stocked full of cooking books and my wine glasses hang nicely from the glass rack in my adjacent cabinet. How will I maintain all of this while being a mother? I'm going to be a mom.. I stare at the yellow wall, feeling a little more light headed then I should be, and feel my body start swaying. I grab onto the countertop, steadying myself as I catch my breath. "Take it slow, Taylor," I whisper to myself, and run my fingers through my blonde locks. 

Once i'm confident in my balance I walk over to the stove and take off my grilled cheese, which is now mildly burnt due to my little episode. I take my chicken noodle soup out of the microwave and prepare a place for myself at the table.

Once i'm done with my dinner, I clean up my mess and realize that I haven't talked to Ed since he left earlier today. Remembering he was a bit upset, I decide to call him.

It rings four times before Ed answers. "Ello," his man-ish british voice floods my phone speaker. "Ed, hey. Listen i'm sorry about earlier today.. I've had a lot on my mind lately. I'm totally willing to do a retake of the whole 'what are we' conversation," I explain, hoping he'll understand. I hear him chuckle through the phone. "Okay, yea. I'm sorry too T, I know a relationship isn't exactly on your mind right now.. I just got ahead of myself." I smile. "Come over tomorrow?" I ask. "Of course. Text me in the morning." "Okay..." I trail off, and theres silence. I don't say anything and he doesn't say anything, we just sit in comfortable silence. I hear him breathe through the phone, and I close my eyes envisioning that he's right here next to me. "What'd you do while I've been gone?" He asks. I hear him crunching on something through the phone, probably cheerios, his favorite late night snack. "Ummm, I made grilled cheese and ate it with that delicious soup you brought me." I can almost hear the smile on his face. "Oh yea, was it any good?" I laugh. "Yes, it was. Thank you." "What are you doing tonight?" He asks, and I sigh. "Uhhh, probably just spending some time alone. I haven't really had any down time in the past few weeks, they've been so stressful," I explain. "That's good Taylor, you deserve some rest. I've been doing nothing but spending time alone, but loving every minute," he says and I can't help but laugh, knowing how lazy Ed can be. "Well good thing youre getting outta the house tomorrow!" I exclaim as I search through netflix on the couch, trying to find a season of Law and Order that I haven't watched 4 times. "I am?" He questions. I scoff. "Edward, shut up. How could you forget about spending time with me?" He chuckles. "Don't flatter yourself, love." I sigh and roll my eyes, hoping he can hear my eye roll through the phone. "I just rolled my eyes, just so you know," I inform him, proud of myself. "Well I just shook my head in response to your eye roll so two can play at that game." I roll my eyes again. "You just got double an eye roll." He chuckles, and we fall into silence again. I watch give up on finding a tv show, and lay across my couch, staring at the ceiling with the phone to my ear. I listen to Ed's relaxed breathing and hold my stomach, trying to envision the possibility of the three of us being a family... which could only be possible if I tell Ed.. which I won't. Things are going so good between us, I know for sure a baby will complicate things. 

As my mind runs ram pit with millions of possibilities for my future, my eyes start to get heavy. I put the phone on speaker and rest it on my chest, deciding to close my eyes for just one minute...

and i'm out like a light, sleeping soundly with the patterns of Ed's calm breathes.