Blackish White

Broken Glass

My eyes burnt really bad. It was way too bright in the room and I immediately knew why. I forgot to shut the darn curtains last night. I groaned and turned over, squinting. The clock read 7:30.

Great, now one of the only two days of beauty sleep that I get, is ruined.

Suddenly my eyes catch my black phone lying on the side bed stand. My heart in my mouth, I reached over.

Yesterday was the day I decided to reveal who I was. A hyper emotional, depressed bully. Some role model I am for fans. I sighed, opened my phone and checked how many followers left me overnight for thinking I'm a douche bag, which I would probably agree with.

I had become the 15th most popular blogger of the day, overnight.

My heart started beating faster and faster with every like that came and every wonderful comment that was added, except this time from happiness and relief instead of nervousness. My follower count had risen rapidly on both my blogging website and on YouTube. I felt so relieved that people actually related to me and sympathized.

Then I read the comments. I swear, I have never realized how many absolutely amazing people are out there in this world.

Don't worry, Lia. Depression is difficult to deal with but time will heal.

I hope you feel better! I will be with you through this.

I completely understand. I have gone through major depression and attempted suicide but life has so much to live for!

I always secretly wished to be popular but you have taught me to be who I am.

You have taught me that being real is much more perfect than being perfect

And it kept going on. There were a few hate comments but they were easy to deal with, looking at what so many people said to me.

Well, at least most of the hate comments were easy to deal with.

Talia, I have looked up to you as an inspiration since you started your YouTube channel. Singing has always been a talent that has come easy to me and it has improved enormously. I saw your blog, and read it today. The thing was that I was bullied by one of my best friends. A year later, she realized what she did and apologized profusely over and over again. But I couldn't trust her anymore, especially since, she changed after that and even though she stopped being mean, she wasn't the same. Her words constantly ring in my head, putting me down. I broke that year she bullied me. And you can't fix broken glass. Will Timothy's parents ever smile again? I'm sorry Talia but I can't look up to you again.
- Little Miss Emerald

As I read more and more, my breathing became shallower and shallower and a huge lump grew in my throat. These words sounded very similar to what Lea told me, the last words we spoke to each other. 'You can't fix broken glass, Lia, what ever you do. Are you sure what your doing is right?' I had scoffed at her words that time and today, I was reminded by one person who I don't even know. Lea knew it would come to this, she knew more, I was just a foolish wannabe.

This anonymous writer told me that her old friend never was the same after that. I wasn't either. I wasn't the same and I wanted to be. I wanted to be the girl who Lea loved, who my parents loved, who I loved.

But I would never be like that again.

I felt sick. I was going to puke. I needed air. Tears blurred my eyes.

'Timothy committed suicide last night'. The words echoed in my brain again and again. 'Deep breaths Talia. Deep breaths.' I mentally told myself. I sucked in a lot of air and calmed myself down.

It's over. It was just another panic attack. My therapist warned me about hate comments but I realized, the one I read was not really a hate comment. She, I am judging from her username that it's a girl, was just stating her opinion about what she felt about me. And it was true. I sighed and shut off my phone.

I made a mental note not to tell my parents about this panic attack. They will be extremely worried, again, about me and I will definitely make me go through a few more therapy classes with Dr. Radtillen. I shut the curtains and tried to sleep a little bit more, at least lie down till my parents wake up.

I did fall asleep and when I did, I got a dream of myself falling and slowly breaking into shards of glass.