Barely Hanging

Breathing?

Cutting is now happening everyday. I have reasons to and I never never leave the house. I only leave once a month to go to the store. I never eat, drink, or do anything anymore. I've been to the doctor and I've been diagnosed with depression, anorexia, bipolar, and Insomnia. I'm now 5'7 and barely reaching 100 pounds. I hate how ugly I am. Logan freaking hates me and torments me everyday. 

"You're so ugly, why don't you just kill yourself?" Logan texted me once.

"Why do you care if I die?" I reply.

"Because that'd be one less ugly girl I'd have to look at"

"How did you change so fast?"

"I've always hated you, you ugly little *****"

"I thought you loved me....maybe you should be a ******* actor"

"Just maybe I should, and hire people to follow you and **** you. You deserve it too"

"Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"Because, ugly people should know that they're ugly."

"Thank you. So much, it really means a lot to me."

"You're ******* welcome *****"

He's so sick that he even tried to play it off as nothing.

Logan: "Why did you break up with me?"

Hollie: "You're the one who broke up with me!"

"What? Why do you keep saying that? I never broke up with you....I ******* love you. How the ****  could I break up with you?"

"Well it's too late. You said what you wanted. I read what I didn't want. It's done and over with. You broke up with me and that's that. I'm done with you trying to play it off that you've done nothing to me, when you ******* ruined my life. You're the one person I actually liked. And ever since Abbie left, I've been diagnosed with depression, anorexia, bipolar, and Insomnia. And my dad ******* beats me everyday. So, I'm done."

I also took my life that day. I had the rope and pills ready. Swallow the pills, then fall into the loop. That's how I planned it. 

I'm ******* done. I'm doing it. I walk to the garage and grab the thickest rope, and head for the bathroom. The cabinet is emptied out and pills are all over the counter. Crying while trying to tie and knot is hard. I'm shaking so bad, and I finally complete the loop. I fill my palm with random pills and walk towards my room. Slamming the door for extra effect. I hop up onto my bed and hand the loop. Pills in hand. Tears on cheeks. Rope hanging up. Shaky hand reaches up to mouth. Pills enter the mouth, and come right back out, just as a car door slams. Front door wings open and bangs into the wall.

My angered and drunk dad rushes up the stairs. 

"WHAT THE **** IS ALL THIS ******* CRAP DOING HERE?!?!" dad yells as he takes in the mess I've made in my room. He came up to me and took the pills and threw them around. He took the rope and walked out.

"GET YOUR LAZY *** DOWN HERE NOW!!" I perk up and throw my laptop aside. I speed walk down stairs, dad hates running inside. "Where's your phone?" I reach to my pocket and pull it out. I shakily hand it to him, but why does he look so angry? He unlocks it and looks through it. He opens messages and sees I've been texting a new friend I met online...and it just happens to be a guy. 

"Who's this?" He points to Josh's name while turning the phone towards me.

"M-m-my f-f-r-riend" I barely squeak out. My dad locks my phones, and WHAM! It flings across the room and rams into the wall. A shattered, useless phone hits the ground. I run over to it crying. John is the only one who cares about me. I sob while I slide against the wall to sit on the floor. 

"Stay inside and clean" my dad says as he walks out the front door locking it once outside. 

Maybe I should run away...

It's 6 a.m. and my dad still hasn't come home. I see sirens outside and I think it's the police. The knock on the door makes me jump out of my thoughts. I stand and slowly walk over to the door and swiftly unlock it.

"Um hello," I quietly say as the cop standing there takes off his hat.

"Hello...Mrs..." he pauses and looks at his clipboard. He continues saying, "Mrs. Bunker?" He then looks back up at me and I nod. "May I talk to you about something?" I nod and open the door, in order to allow the policeman to come in. He nods in thanks and steps inside and sighs loudly.

He motions over to the couch and I walk past him to sit on the opposite end of where he sits. He has sadness in his eyes and I can tell he doesn't want to do this.

"It's about your dad..." He shakily says...Why is he so sad? I perk up to listen.

"Well, he w-was drunk...and I uh I guess he didn't see the stop sign..." I look down at my hands, then the coffee table, then the policeman's eyes. They're a light blue that usually seem playful and happy, yet so familiar. 

"You're father got in a car accident and..." he pauses and rubs his eyes. "he passed away." This cop. I know him. He used to be a close family friend. I gasp a tiny bit and put my hand up to my mouth...I'm shocked...The policeman stands as do I, and he walks closer to me. I'm soon embraced in his arms and sobbing. I stand there hugging this friend for about five minutes. He finally lets go and backs up. "I'm here for you if you need anything. You're almost 18 so you can live on your own. Just...just call me whenever you need something." He slips a piece of paper into my hands and walks out the door.