Spietato

7. Crumbling

Funerals have never been easy for me, not since I had to attend both my parents. But being here today surrounded by my other group members and then to face Paul's family.

I've never felt so distant.

So hated.

Paul's girlfriend, Mireya is clinging to his mother where they both cry uncontrollably a crossed his jet black casket in front of all of us.

Decklen's fingers lace together with mine and I hold his hand tightly as Paul's little sister walks up to the casket and lays down a small white flower on top next to all the others.

"There are no words for me to say other than we all know how great of a man Paul was." I say with as much energy as I can gather.

Brenden and solo are watching me with small smiles, encouraging me to keep going. My eyes scan the rest of the people gathered around and my stomach drops.

Friends and family, all of them who loved Paul so much. Yet because he was involved with me, he is dead.

"We all knew a different side of Paul, he was and will forever be a friend that we can go to when we need advice and support." My eyes water as my eyes land on Mireya who is looking at me with tear stained cheeks.

"I've known Paul for a long time, he never failed to make me laugh in the hard times and I hope that we can all remember the person who he would want us to hold onto forever." I walk forward and look at the small white flower in my hand.

"addio mio fratello, cancello di maggio il cielo aperto per voi."
(Goodbye my brother, may heaven's gate open for you )

Tear spill over as I lay down the flower and walk back to Decklen, who pulls me into his arms and holds me as I try to collect myself.

After more family members say something about Paul, they lower his casket and everyone begins to leave; but I stop when I notice that Mireya is standing alone holding something.

I leave my car door open and Decklen stops from getting in the drivers seat to see what I'm doing.

"Lace," Mireya's voice is raspy and her bottom lip quivers. "He left this for you."

I look down as she holds out a small envelope, taking it. I pull her into a hug and whisper, "I'm so sorry." Over and over again as she breaks down again before we part ways.

I wave to her as she gets into the car and drives away, my hands shaking with the envelope still in my grasp. Sliding into the passenger seat, I put on my seatbelt and I feel a pair of eyes watching me.

"Decklen, I'm fine." I look out the window instead of meeting his gaze.

"You're not though." He probs.

"Please just drive." I plea as my heart tightens, my hands covering the letter in my hands.

Decklen watches me for a few more moments, but then puts the car in drive and pulls away from the graveyard as I watch the workers start putting dirty into his grave by the shovel full.

When we get to the villa, I get out before the car is even fully parked and head to my room; my body on auto pilot as I lock the door behind me and look at the letter in my hands.

Carefully I open the letter and pull out a few photos, looking at them closely. My heart stops.

It's of Decklen and David sitting at a little Resturant down by the market. Having a drink, the next photo is of them shaking hands, then the last is of Decklen leaving.

He told me he went to have a drink, but why would he keep the fact that it was with David from me.

"Lace?" I jump as Decklen knocks on my door, my hands clutching the photos in my hand.

"W-what?" I stutter, my heart beating so fast it's hard to breathe.

"Unlock the door bambino." He says sweetly and for some reason I'm scared.

Would he really Betray me?

No, that's impossible. We know each other so well I can't even imagine he doing something like this.

"I'm fine, please go be with Brenden and solo."

"But,"

"Decklen, I just want to be alone for a bit." I say trying to thinking of what these photos mean, still trying to comprehend how things seem to be crumbling out of my hand all of a sudden.

With Paul and now Decklen.

"Ok, but if you need anything I'm here for you bambino. I'll always be here."

Tears build in my eyes as I hear his footsteps get further and further from my room.

Sliding down the door, I let out a strangled breath; my body shaking as I realize that maybe I don't know Decklen as well as I think I do. I mean we have always been so close ever since we where kids, there has to be things he has even kept from me.

Am I an idiot for believe everything he tells me?

What were Decklen and David doing at that resturant?

My mind wonders to Paul, tears filling my eyes as I think of the possibility of my trusted friends betraying me after all these years.

How did Paul get these pictures?

Who was the one who killed him?

I cover my mouth with the back of my hand and silence a sob.

Does this world really need me? Someone who takes away the life's of those who they treasure just to stay in power.

My father had no hesitation doing cruel things to whom ever followed him, to his own family even; but I'm not him.

I don't want to drag those I love down into a place where they are unhappy and don't have a way to leave this kind of life.

Looking back down at the crumpled photos, my heart aches. If he isn't happy here, what do I do? He is the only person I have ever let be close to me, the only person whom I confide in with all my thoughts, and the only person who I have ever loved this way.