The Forsaken (Book Three in The Illusion of Certainty Series)

Wanna Be Somebody Else

I took the weekend to enjoy myself. To let myself laugh. It was surprising how much better I felt. On Monday I felt lighter almost, if that was even possible. I smiled more and people noticed. I’d been the school pariah for so long that when they noticed I was open to interacting…they talked to me. They told me how sorry they were about Aidan and how most of them missed him.

I took it all pretty well. I started answering questions in class. My teachers were surprised but happy. By Wednesday, I was pretending very well. I had the act down to a science. Sophie spent the night and we talked about everything. She was so happy to have me back. She really thought I’d accepted everything and moved on.

My parents changed my phone number upon my request and that came on Friday. I was systematically cutting my ties with Aidan. I figured if I pretended long enough, it would actually become real. But by Saturday I was so tired that I slept the whole day. My parents checked on me a few times, as did Michael and Luke.

Michael was my biggest hurdle. He saw through it all, I could tell. He was the only one who knew how I really felt, how much I hurt. On Sunday he took me out for a walk.

“What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Why are you faking?”

“I’m not faking.”

He stopped and grabbed my arm. “You can’t lie to me.”

I can hear it all. You can’t block me out.

Michael. Please don’t open that door. It’s taken me so long to shove it all behind there and close it.

The wall you’ve built up isn’t as strong as you think. You need to deal with everything. You can’t hide behind that fake smile much longer.

I can do it as long as it takes. Until it becomes real.

And what happens when that doesn’t happen? You need to deal with it now.

I can’t.

You can.

“I can’t, Michael. Ok? I can’t.”

“Are you taking the pills?”

“You already know the answer to that.”

“You should take them. Maybe they could help you.”

“They can’t. Michael, believe me when I tell you…the pills would do nothing.”

“How do you know? Have you tried?”

“Michael…”

“I know you need time. It’s only been a little over a month but…he’s gone, Georgiana. He’s not coming back.”

“What happens—to a person? When they’re turned?”

“Their human part dies. They’re frozen at the age they are turned.”

“Do they keep anything of themselves?”

He nodded. “They keep everything. But a little darkness is mixed in. Giving an edge to anything they do.”

So he’s no longer my Aidan. He’s…different?

He’s newly turned. It’s easier for them to imitate how they used to be. But as they get older, stronger, it gets harder to be the person they used to. It melts away each day. Until the time comes that there is nothing left.

Why didn’t that happen to you?

Because I was born this way. The darkness has always been inside me and I’ve learned to contain it, to control it. You know how a Vampire’s eyes go black when they are hungry, when they are craving blood? That’s the darkness, its manifestation. It craves blood because that’s the life force of a human being, the light. Darkness always craves light, Georgiana.

Is that why you—you crave my blood so much?

No. I crave your blood because of our bond and the simple fact that you taste—better than anything I’ve ever had before.

I gave him a small smile. At least it’s not my body.

He smiled. Your body is just the wrapping, Αγάπη. It’s tempting all on its own.

Thanksgiving. I hate turkey. Not on principle, but because I always find it dry. I sat at the table with my family, Michael joining us. He sat across from me, staring down at the bird like it was Satan incarnate.

“Alright,” My mother said. “Tiberius, carve the turkey.”

My father stood up from his end of the table which just happened to be next to me, and picked up the huge knife.

“Whoa,” I said. “Watch where you’re pointing that thing.”

My father smiled at me. “Why don’t we say what we’re thankful for while I cut this thing? Georgiana, why don’t you start?”

I looked at him, horrified. “What?”

“Tell me one thing you’re thankful for.”

“Sanity?”

My father frowned at me and pointed the knife in my direction. “I’m serious.”

“Fine. I’m thankful for my family.” I looked from one face to the other, starting with my brother. “Without you…I don’t know where I’d be.”

“In the loony bin,” my brother said smiling.

“Sebastis, thank you for volunteering to go next,” my father said.

My brother sighed. “I’m thankful for my sister,” he smiled at me. “because without her I’d never met Sophie.”

I smacked him upside the head. He just looked at my mother. “Mom?”

“I’m also thankful for my children, my family. You all bring so much joy to my life and sometimes I think we can’t have enough of that. Luke?”

“I’m going to go with Sebastis on this,” he said looking over at me, “Georgiana, having you as my charge can be…difficult at times but other times it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I have found a family with you and everyone here.” He looked at Michael.

Michael looked down at his plate and then up at me. “I’ve never really had a Thanksgiving…” he chuckled, “so this custom is a bit foreign to me. In an attempt to make this all somewhat meaningful…I am thankful for Sybil.” He looked at my mother. “You’ve given me so much and I don’t think you realize just how much that is.”

My mother smiled at him and then at me. “Oh I think I do. Tiberius,” she said, “your turn.”

My father put down the knife and pitchfork looking thing and looked at us. “I’m thankful for all of you. Michael, Luke, you keep my daughter safe on a regular basis and I know that task it not easy. Sybil, you’ve given me my children, my life. Without you, I’d have nothing. Sebastis…I’m just thankful you aren’t more like your mother.” My brother choked on his drink.

“Thanks…I think.”

“And Georgiana,” he smiled at me, “with you I’m thankful for so many things that if I listed them all we’d be here all night. So I’ll go with the most important. I’m thankful for the years I’ve had with you. I know how hard it is for you, to get by day to day. I see it on your face, in your eyes. The burden you carry is great and as a father, as your father, I sometimes wish I could shoulder that burden for you. Even if it is for only an instant. I love you all.”

I smiled at him. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“No, thank you kitten.”

He kissed me on the forehead. He served first and the rest of us dug in. My father was right. I had survived the year, yet again. And as I pushed the turkey around on my plate, I realized I was thankful for that too.