Chapter- 2 Realizations

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"Thank God you're fine," the dark haired girl,perched on the stool beside me said, smiling at me.

"What happened?" I asked dazed. Perplexed even.

"You passed out," the woman standing on the other side of me said,giving me a megawatt smile. She's presumably the doctor. Tall,middle aged,platinum blond with a slim physique.

"Passed out?" I croaked.

"Yes,but before any more details let me first do a routine check up," she said not sternly, but firmly.

"Okay," I muttered.

"You're good to go," She said,a couple of minutes later.

"Can I take her home?" The dark haired girl asked.

"Sure,I will prepare the discharge form and other necessities and then she can go,"

"Thanks doc,"

"No problem," she smiled again and leaving the two of us alone,left the room.

How would you feel when you wake up from your sleep and find yourself in a hospital room? Curious and bewildered and shocked, isn't it?that's exactly what I was feeling ...

I watched the doctor went out of the room,then drag my gaze back to the dark haired girl sitting beside me,wearing a there's-a-lot-to-be-explained look.

Actually, the dark haired girl is none other than my lifetime best friend Sydney Nelson,aka Sid. Describing Sydney is impossible because she's the most unpredictable person,I've ever know,along with a very vivid personality. Physically, she's tall,curvaceous,with dark hairs and big beautiful eyes.

"What happened?" I inquired. She gave me a long stare,simply stating I am in for problem later.

"You don't remember?" She asked,and I shook my head.

"Oh,well, a guy found you on the pavement near the crossing, drenched,and passed out. He checked out your phone,which was although you were drenched was still working,God knows how. He dialled me,because that was most dialled number in your call log,informing that he was bringing you here,"

"Oh" I said.

"That was the least expected reaction," She said bluntly.

"I know...I am sorry," I muttered.

"You have no idea,how fucking scared I was Ella,you owe me one big explanation," She said.

"I know," I replied,though that was the last thing I wanted to do.

"So?" She prompted.

"Can you wait till we go home?" I asked. She sighed deeply.

"Okay"she said getting up. "I will go check the discharge form,"

I nodded,and giving my hand a squeeze she left.

"Easy baby," Sydney said,clutching my arms to get me inside her car.

"Its fine,I can walk," I protested,rolling my eyes.

"Yeah,you sure can," She said,fastening her seat belt.

I smiled ,wryly. Gosh,she's like a mother hen!

The drive to my home was quite and peaceful,well not peaceful, how can it be?there was anything but peace in my world. I glanced at Sid and she was lost in some deep thoughts. Closing my eyes,I leaned my head on the window.

Life is so unfair. I thought...I thought,I was dead, and it was a great relief,but see,I am here perfectly fine and alive. A few hours has changed my life completely. Now I don't have any hope,anything,to make me stand up.
Everything's wrecked, and I still have an exhaustive confrontation left with Sid,and worst of all,how much I try to prevent but I have to see Jacob's face,maybe accidentally but I have to, after all that's the benefit of living in a small town!

"El?" Sydney demanded, dragging me from my thoughts.

"Ye....yeah?" I said.

"We're home," She said.

"Oh yeah, thanks," I muttered.

"Look,I am driving back home,to prepare some dinner for us and then I will pack it right away and come back to stay with you,could you manage till then?" She asked, looking seriously concerned. I smiled at her.

"Of course,"

"Great,here are the keys,".

I nodded and got off the car,making my way towards the driveway of my red brick house.

"Don't kill yourself, I will be back home," Sydney called from behind. I gave her a thumbs up.

Shutting the door behind me,I headed straight for my room. I feel so exhausted,I wanted to sleep. Standing at the threshold I glanced at my neatly done room,it looks so familiar yet so so distant.

Closing the door with a kick, I slumped down on the bed,and my gaze accidentally fell on the medium size bulletin board in front of me. I stared at it,totally transfixed,and slowly tears began to flow.

Again.

Standing up and I walked towards the board. Standing in front of it, I stared at pictures and pictures attached on it. Those pitcures,that were my sleeping  partner,with those I will share my feelings,feigning them as him as ....as Jacob...my Jacob.

Jacob Austin Parker, an aspiring architect,and an epitome of perfection.

Standing at 6'2,he's everything a girl ever dreams off. His brown eyes,his unruly hairs,his sexy stubble, his perfectionist attitude, his cute lopsided smile, everything everything kills me....has been killing me since the first day I saw him playing basketball, and then came to know he's a class senior in my high school days,starting with a crush I never realized when it turned into love...an unrequited, painful,devastating love.

As I stood staring at the pictures, weird emotions began to flutter inside me. Before,without these my day wouldn't began or end but...but now, I don't know why but these were making me uncomfortable, the emotions going inside me were so alien that it was difficulty to point out,and suddenly I have an outmost urge to tear them...yes!

Tear them into small pieces. Not waiting,I began scratching them and tearing them,letting them fall on the  floor. 

My eyes burned from the amount of tears I had shed,yet they didn't stop. I stared at the small bits of those photographs lying on the floor...the photographs that have been my life.

My knees felt so weak,that I slumped down on the bed,among the few astray bits of those photographs.

"Why did you do this?" I choked on my words,as the tears began to blurr my vision.

Pain....so much pain. How can I feel so much for someone I never had? Who was never mine?

"Why!" I screamed scratching the sheets,sobbing furiously."I hate you!".

It came out so uncertain, that even I was surprised of myself. And then realization dawn on me.

Yes,hate! The weird feeling was nothing but hate.

I hate him!Yes! All my love has now been transformed into hate. So much hate within, that I don't think I couldn't even bear to see his face. The surrounding around me,everything feels so suffocating,choking me.

Why did you do this Jacob? I whispered again.

Why?

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