Losing Kim Taehyung

twenty-four

"You're there but for some reason,
I can't reach you"

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My forehead scrunched up for a second before I slowly lifted the portrait to have a closer look. I know him, I thought. I gulped this lump on my throat as I try to remember the boy's name. "Jung. . . kook. . ." I mumbled under my breath as I tried to memorize his features in my head. Jungkook. The boy I shared my first kiss with.

"Hey, Areum, right?" I was too immerse in my own thoughts that I didn't notice mom's boss was already standing next to me. I lowkey startled that I immediately placed Jungkook's portrait back to its original position on the table.

"Oh, it's you Mr. . ." I turned to him and slightly tilted my head, waiting to introduce himself to me.

"I'm Ahn Jaehwa. I work with your mom." He said, smiling.

"Yeah, I know. Your my mom's boss." I said, "Anyway, thank you for inviting us tonight, Mr. Ahn."

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm actually looking forward in meeting you. Your mom says the nicest thing about you." He said.

I laughed shortly, "I think it's sort'a her job to say the nicest things about her daughter. I mean, come on, she's my mom."

Then he laughed too, "Well, you have a point there." Looking at him closely, he did look like a year or two younger than my mom. He had this nicely brushed dark hair. A white buttondown that made me really feel that this dinner was going to be a business meeting instead. I sighed mentally then returned to reality when I saw him pick up Jungkook's portrait. "Isn't my nephew good-looking?" He asked proudly, and I just stared at him. So, Jungkook is his nephew. "I saw you looking at his picture just a while ago."

"Ahhh," I cooed as if I just discovered something new. "I actually met Jungkook three summers ago. We met in an art summer camp." I told him. I looked at the portrait he was holding, "I see he hasn't change a bit from the last time I remember him." I smiled at him.

"This photo was actually taken two years ago," He paused, running his thumb against the wooden edge of the frame. "I'm sure Jungkook has become a grown man now." He smiled at the portrait. I looked at Mr. Ahn as he stared at Jungkook's portrait melancholically. Did Jungkook run away from home? I was about to say something when one of his maid approached us, telling us that dinner was ready. He put down the portrait on the table and glanced at me, "Come on, Areum."

When Mr. Ahn and I reached the dining table, I saw mom helping the maids in putting the utensils on the table before we sat down. Mr. Ahn ordered his maid to fetch his daughter upstairs, so she could join us for dinner. He said her daughter was kind of an introvert, that's why she had troubles socializing with new people. Once she got down, she shyly introduced herself. Her name's Jaemi. A demure, beautiful eight-year-old girl. I think beautiful genes run from Jungkook's family.

During dinner, we talked about Mr. Ahn and my mom's friendship-slash-relationship. They said they have been working together for quite a long time now, and they only get to hang out recently. Mr. Ahn said my mom was easy to get along with and really a wife-material. I saw my mom blushing as Mr. Ahn kept giving her sweet compliments. Then, we didn't know where these compliments would lead when he asked my permission to date my mom. We were all surprised, even my mom (even if she already expected this to happen). Of course, I gave them the permission, like duh, who am I to stop them?

After dinner, the two of them drunk some wine in the living room while I went upstairs to Jaemi's room to hang out with her. And like what her dad said, she was obviously an introvert. She was too shy to look at me or start a conversation that I always ended up doing all the talking.

I looked around her candy-colored room as I tried hard not to be blinded by the bright colors. There was a small tea table with a few stuffed toys sitting on small chairs. Jaemi lead the way as I trailed behind her, quite amazed in her room. She removed the lavender elephant stuffed toy that smelled like baby cologne in one of the chairs and made me sit there. The chair was too small that my lap already touched my chest. She then sat across me and poured an invisible tea in my tiny pink porcelain teacup. I was surprised that her tea set weren't made of plastics, it was made of porcelain. Gawd, rich kids. I scanned my eyes around the room, and it really looked like a unicorn just barfed in here. My eyes immediately landed on a painting above her bed—similar to the painting above my bed in my room. The only difference was it was a painting of Jaemi (Mine was a painting of me three summers ago). She was smiling brightly and her hair was braided in pigtails. It was noticeable that Jungkook painted the painting as he also did mine.

How come I only remembered you by now, Jungkook?
I wonder how are you?
What are you doing right now?

Do you still somehow remember me?

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When it was already time to go, they bid us goodbye. Jaemi was still shy and uncomfortable around me, but I could already feel she wanted to be friends with me. I left my number on her tea table, so she could call or text me whenever she needed a playmate. Mom and Mr. Ahn are doing well just fine. They hugged first before mom and I got inside the car. Mr. Ahn and Jaemi stood by the gates. I immediately rolled down my window as I shouted, "Mr. Ahn! Say hi to Jungkook for me when you see him, okay?" I didn't know why I said that, but I just have this urge to know how Jungkook was doing. It might be sudden, but still I have to see him again.

"Oh. . . O-Okay." He was hesitant at first before he finally said the word. They both waved their hands at us before the car lurched forward and we disappeared from their sight.

My mom was too happy throughout the entire ride that the smile on her face didn't disappear for even a second. She kept humming a happy tune as she drove. I only glanced at her then looked out the window when I suddenly thought of Taehyung this time. A flashback popped in my head. That one flashback in which I saw in the supermarket. Solji and Taehyung together.

He's not coming back to me, isn't he?

I sighed defeatedly.

What if I'm just looking for Jungkook because I feel empty because of Taehyung? Because I only want a replacement?

I shook my head no to myself.

That's not it. I'm not that bad to do that kind of thing. I just want to know where Jungkook is. What happened to him? Is he living the dream he once told me?

Jungkook and I separated too sudden. Too quick. I only spent two months with him in that summer camp, and it wasn't enough to know each other. We were also too young back then. I wondered if he change at all. Jungkook was. . . He was like reading a novel book. He was deep, artistic and perfect. He inspired me to dream and soar higher. He was like a every painters' masterpiece in a human form. That's how perfect he was, and through the years I hadn't seen him, I haven't met anyone like him. He was one-of-a-kind.

He was like a dream. . . And I hope we'll meet again, Jungkook. I do hope so.