Incoherent

0.41 - Progress

It's been a few weeks or so since James asked me out and I have to admit it's a lot better than I thought it would be.

The trees were bare now and Christmas was just around the corner. I pulled on my black winter coat, slid on a hat and gloves and left for the day. It snowed last night, and there was still some reminisce of the white fluffy substance on the grass and on the side walk.

I checked my phone and sighed. 6:32 am. James should be here any minute to pick me up.

School progressively got boring the more I stayed, and the more I stayed the more I realized how much I hated school. Teachers were boring, kids were annoying, I honestly would have been fine staying in bed.

Bed. The place I haven't been able to get a blink of sleep since coming back from the asylum.

It feels like the clock is turning back in time. Like this is how things were meant to be if nothing had ever happened. If I had never met...

No. I'm not going to ruin my mood and think about that.

A honk took me out of my thoughts and I smiled a bit. I hopped into the car and sighed at how warm it was.

"6:35, right on time," I said and smiled at James. He smiled back and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"Just for you Lil," he smiled and began to head to school like every other day.

I smiled and scrolled through Instagram while waiting.

"Didn't get any sleep last night either, huh?"

"Hm? Oh," I shrugged and looked up at him before shutting off my phone. "Not really, no. It's been getting worse."

"Worse?" He frowned a bit but didn't take his eyes off the road.

The road was a bit slippery with all the black ice, and I knew he wouldn't want to risk anything by looking away from the road.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm so fucking tired James. The bags are worse than ever before and I just want to sleep."

In the past I was able to get an hour or two in, but now I couldn't get anything. Not even a few minutes of sleep. I was up all night on my phone or watching Netflix or reading– it was awful.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to come over this weekend?" He asked. "We can make cookies like we do every year. I still need to go Christmas shopping actually."

I smiled and poked his arm. "I already have your present," I said rather joyfully. "You're gonna love it. It's better than last years, I swear."

I'm not the best at giving gifts, and to say the least James wasn't all too thrilled with my gift cards and candy. He said it was 'too generic' and wanted something more personalized.

"Better be," he said.

The rest of the ride was actually pretty silent. When we got to school, we both grabbed our things and headed to the double doors. "I'll see you at lunch and teen living," he said and hugged me goodbye.

I smiled up at him and reached up on my top toes to peck his lips. "Okay, bye."

He smiled and headed off to his first class while I headed in the opposite direction to mine.

James was a good boyfriend. He was caring, he did all the things a boyfriend should do, and I loved him for it. It was like a happily ever after kind of couple.

I'm just waiting for my story to end before anything bad happens.

-

"So have you guys kissed yet?" Ryder asked when we sat down at our usual table.

James and I both shared a look and smiled a bit. "Haven't you seen us kiss?" I asked.

He made a gross face and took a bite of his sandwich. "No and I don't want to see. I'm just asking." He shrugged and soon Xavier and his boyfriend sat down.

"Hey," I said and smiled at them.

Xavier smiled back and sat down with the guy. What was his name again? Benjamin? Barry?

"I love your shirt Benedict!" Austin said as she sat down as well.

Oh that.

"Thanks," he said and smiled at Austin.

This was weird. All smiles and happiness. Austin and Xavier weren't talking about some crude thing and Ryder and James weren't picking on each other.

It was actually... nice.

"This is progress," I said, gaining their attention.

"Waddya mean?" Xavier asked.

"It's progress. Ryder and James aren't fighting, you and Austin seemed like you've matured, you've got a boyfriend now," I smiled and nodded. "This is major progress."

Austin smiled at me and nodded. "Don't forget you're out of your funk."

"My what?"

"Your funk. With your imaginary boyfriend and stuff."

I paused and my body grew rigid. Was I? Was I out of the funk? Did I even have a funk to begin with? Then Thomas entered my mind. He entered and I wish Austin had never mentioned-

"I'm fine." I forced out.

The table was silent and I smiled softly. "Progress, remember?"

They all slowly smiled and went back to a normal conversation.

I on the other hand knew that instead of going forward I was indeed going back.

I was making no progress at all.

-

Helloooooo only a few more left! I hope you're ready! Also the next chapter is a time skip to Christmas!!!

( also I'm posting it ON Christmas so that's cool!!! )

Lots of love,

Mercay