We Never Had A Happy Ending.

I drove fast to my house, parking in the driveway, I headed towards the front door and ran in. My vision was blurry, me not knowing where I was going, I bumped into the wall. I fell back and held my hand, crying louder from the pain. But that pain wasn't close to what you caused me.

I got up quickly and ran to my room. Slamming the door shut, I sat down on the floor and cried. Cried till I couldn't anymore. All I remember was my sobs quieting down, and blackness overcame my vision.

When I woke up, I was still on the floor and my face was sticky from my salty tears from the day before. I got up that day and took a shower, scrubbing my skin. In my head, the moan and words kept replaying and replaying in my head. I haven't done this in a long time. But I couldn't resist. I took my razor and pressed it again my skin, tear in my eyes, I saw blood slowly coming out. It hurt a lot, but once again, it wasn't close to what you caused me.

I put the razor in a different spot and slid it against my skin. Putting down the razor quickly, I let out a loud cry, holding onto my wrist, trying to stop my blood. I sat down in the tub and cried. Knowing that you'll never notice me. I let the hot steaming water fall onto my skin. I quickly got out and covered my body with a towel. Walking back into my room, shutting the door tightly, I let the towel fall. Looking in the full length mirror, all I saw was this bruised, red eyed girl. With dark brown hair and gray eyes. Her hair wet and her body slouching. She had no thigh gap, nothing to show off. Her breasts were too big for her body, and her body was too small for her breasts. She had curves and wide thighs. She hated how she look, she wasn't fat nor skinny, but she felt ugly.

I looked away in disgust and dressed myself with a pair of white skinny jeans and an thrift shop boughten blue sweater. I popped on my worn out vans and got my back pack. Blow drying my hair i put on chapstick and some cheap concealer. Tying my hair up in a high ponytail I get out of the bathroom and head towards downstairs. I remember having to walk to school since my parents took the old grandpa car. It was cloudy that day, so I ran to school. At lunch I sat down and felt something squishy underneath. I looked down and saw that it was chocolate mousse. Your table roared in laughter looking at me. I remember the smell, the smell that I'm so sick of. They told everyone I shit my pants, which only made you laugh with Victoria.

I got up that day and ran to the bathroom, hearing laughter behind me. I cleaned myself up and went to my locker, silently crying. I put in the combo and opening it forcefully. Hitting the other locker, with me not giving a shit, I grabbed my gym shorts and t-shirt. Running into the girls restroom I quickly changed and threw away my only good pants.

I didn't go back there that day. I never did, I ate in the library bc I knew I'll be bullied if I went back. I don't know why I still loved you. You laughed, bullied, at me. But the worse thing you ever did to me was.

Never loving me back.

Sincerely,

Claire Davidson.

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I swipe away my tears and put my pen down. I love Ashton. I love Ashton Irwin. I might just seem like another crazy fan but it's different. I knew him ever since preschool. He was the fun and crazy guy with his cute dimples. He was the reason I'm still here today. Whenever I listen to his songs, all I listen to is his voice and the beating of the drum.

Hi, I'm Claire Davidson. I'm 19 years old, 20 in a month. I graduated from high school a year ago. In elementary, middle, high school. I was in love with Ashton Irwin. The drummer boy from 5SOS. He never notice me. & I can't afford to go to any of his concerts. He goes here to Sydney sometimes, but I never get to talk or see him. I'm captured. In my own house. 2 years ago my dad died from a car crash. My mother has been a drunken mess that's horny all the time and abuses me. Mother is stronger than me, even tho I'm taller. Mother locked me in my own room. She sealed the windows and only let me take showers when I needed to. She gave me her left over food and called me names. I work of course. 3 jobs. One at a video store and two at Macca's ( Australian McDonald's ) I remember that was Ashton's favorite place to go to. & he worked daily at the video store until he had to quit to join 5SOS. & babysitting. I babysit anyone's kid or kids. Right now, I'm babysitting Ashton's siblings. Yeah surprising. Not really bc he's on tour with 1D so there's no way in hell I'll get to meet him.

I'm saving up to get away. Not for college at all. I can give two shits about college. I want to get a small apartment and live on my own. That's my dream. To get away from mother. I still have no friends. People at work despise me and give me ugly looks. I'm been an outcast my entire life. It only got worse when people found out my father died.

I write letters to Ashton I know he'll never read but there's always something in the back of head saying that there's hope.

I write how I feel about him and write down what happen in high school. Not like he'll remember everything.

I place my pen and journal under my pillow and fall back. Pulling the blanket up to my chin and let my eyes shut before falling asleep.

A/n : Okay! I know I'm starting to write a lot of stories but this one came to me. I love Ashton with all my heart! The way he plays the drum and his voice. & his laugh oh my gawd. He's perfect in my eyes. Anyways, this story is a part of 'Beside You' but it's in Claire's POV and she doesn't really know anything about Ashton and Victoria. This is a different book, not like the rest, y'all expect a girl gets a guy. But in the end, there's no happy ending.