Who am I?

Chapter 20.

So here I am. Back right where I started. In a life I didn't belong in, with people I didn't like. It was perfect, just at the end of winter break. A week of paradise ending in a nightmare.

The ride was completely silent. I sat in the back seat, my phone's recorder open so that I would only have to click the button to get evidence. Pulling up into the familiar driveway that I was never allowed in for fear that I would break something or get something dirty.

"Meredith, put your bags upstairs right now and come right back downstairs." My father growled. It was the first word either of them had said to me the whole ride back. I grabbed my one bag and ran up the stairs, hearing the yelling about not running up the steps and ignoring it.

"I wish I was still with them." I muttered as I ran, quiet enough for no one to hear. Fuck these people. They didn't own me, my father wasn't even biologically my parent. I wish I was still with Lin and Vanessa.

I ran into my old room and slammed the door. I threw my bag on the floor and screamed, rage punching my pillow. I heard light footsteps on the way up to my room. My mom? I though my "dad" would have come up to chew me out. Mom hated most conflict, why the hell would she be—

"Meredith Abigail Abbot! You may hate me, but I am still your mother! I am your mother and you have not right to treat me the in that manner!" My mother's voice went from calm and collected to shrill, shrieking, in a matter of seconds, "That woman is not your mother! You are mine! My daughter! I love you, and you are acting as if your father and I didn't do everything we could to give you the best life!"

"That man is not my fucking father. And you deprived me of the best life I could have had. You took away my chances of happiness!" I screamed, why did they have to come back for me? They told me I was nothing then kicked me out. I found a better place, I found people how love me, and then they had to come and take that away too. Why did they have to be so freaking controlling?

"Don't you dare swear at me!" I looked over at her in shock, was she really going to say that, not an apology or even addressed the current situation. NO, instead she is going to attempt to mother me, a privilege she lost the second she turned her back on me.

"FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FU---!" I knew it was childish and totally unnecessary, but I was just so tired of it all. I continued to scream in her face expressing my emotions in the only way she would allow me, but was cut off by a hard slap to the face.

My mother's blonde hair had turned grey in the last few weeks, hers face looked tired, but her eyes were smoldering, but only for a hot second, the anger was replaced by horror of what she had just done. I very clear she regretted what just happened, but that doesn't turn back time. That doesn't make my cheek hurt any less, that doesn't put the minuscule amount of love I still had for her back in. I mean, of course I had still loved her, she was my mother and that would never change, but this brought new light in my eyes. Vanessa had been more a mother to me in one weekend then she was in a life time.

She looked me in the eye, "You were only ever loved. Why did you do this to us? To you?" She left the room, slamming the door hard. I stood there and watched the entire frame of my door quiver in the after effect of what had just happened. I stared at the floor. My mother. Just hit me. My face was stinging. I snapped a photo and sent in to Vanessa, along with the audio I had captured when I had heard my mother on the stairs, then I looked in the mirror I was standing across from. My face had a red hand mark on it, it was still stinging. I could hear my mother crying downstairs. Why did she get to feel upset? She's the one who hit me.

I jumped up when an idea hit me. Was it stupid, of course, but I knew it would be the perfect way to get back at them. I quickly grabbed my unpacked duffel and jimmied my window open and jumped to the ground. I took off at a run, going straight for my mother's car. I knew the gist of driving, and I would have gotten my permit soon if this whole thing hadn't ever started. I got into my car and started driving in the direction of the city, no not New York City, but the city where my parents work. I knew that I couldn't do this on my own so I grabbed my phone and dialed the number of Logic, know that Ray would pick up.

"Pick up, pick up, please pick up Ray." I muttered as the phone rang, my eyes on the dark road ahead of me. It rang a couple more times before I heard Ray's tired and sleepy voice come through the receiver.

"Hello?" She made me smile in spite of the situation, even if it was just for a second. It quickly fell off of my face though when I remembered the entire reason for my call. I felt my face become stone cold.

"Ray, she hit me. My mother hit me." My voice was emotionless, I had run out of everything and I was ready to do something about this, rather than just have a pity party.

"Oh my god! Marti!" She sounded like she was fully awake now, and I was thankful. "Are you okay? Are you safe?"

"Yeah, I'm not even at the house anymore, but can you meet me somewhere? I, I'm about to do something stupid and I need you to help me. I need you." I was practically whispering at the end, praying that she would say yes and come help me.

"Yeah I can meet you, what are we about to do?" This made me smile again, she was going to come through, she was going to help me like she always does.

"Just meet me at my father's office, and wear black. Lots of black that you don't mind getting filthy." She agreed and we hung up. I kept driving in silence, festering in my emotions while I planned out what was going to happen. When I pulled into the office building parking lot I already knew exactly what was going to happen. I saw Ray standing over by her family's car, dressed just like I said. I got out of the car and grabbed the bag I threw in the back, opening it to reveal a couple of new spray paint cans. I looked up at her, meeting her eyes, silently asking if she was still sure about this.

I smiled as she took a can.

I sat on the stairs of our coffee shop. The shop had just closed for the day and there were not many people found around the area anyways in the store. Marti had left only one week ago and I was already floundering. I could never speak to people well even with her, and now here I am, my teachers thinking I'm mute, my peers laugh at me, pick on me.

"Ray! Get your ass in here! You were supposed to clean an hour ago!" My father was yelling at me again. His face was purple and angry, my mother was at the store. She hadn't yet made getting sick a regular thing.

"I'm sorry, I was ju—"

"Don't be sorry, be better!" He growled and slinked away.