Who am I?

Chapter 10.

I stared down at my plate, trying to make out shapes in my pasta. Vanessa makes a badass bowl of pasta and I wish I was hungry enough to eat more, but I couldn't find it in myself to choke it down. So, here I was trying to ignore the two concerned adults watching me as I watch the delicious food that I wasn't going to eat because of their concern and the thing they are concerned about.

"Marti, you don't have to eat if you don't want to sweetie." I looked up a bit at that, no one had ever called me that before, or really any terms of endearment. Vanessa was smiling at the reaction she got out of me, obviously feeling accomplished. I just nodded and looked back down at my plate. My emotions had been messed up recently. I had gone from depressed to happy to lonely then back to depressed. I guess it was expected considering everything that had happened recently, but that didn't mean I accepted it or liked it.

"Ma nina you're going to have to tell us what happened." I knew that he was right and that I did need to tell them, but that didn't mean I wanted to. I hoped that this wouldn't make him feel bad considering if I hadn't ever met him then this most likely wouldn't have every happened.

"I know." It was just a whisper, but it was something. "I just want it to all be a dream, and talking about it makes it more real." I looked up at them finally, feeling a little more confidant at their understanding and welcoming faces. They wouldn't judge, they had probably been through the same issues. I took a deep breath before launching into my story.

I told them everything, from me leaving here, to falling asleep at the bus station to wandering New York, to finally me falling asleep in the theater and Lin finding me. When I was done they just looked at me with pity. I didn't want they're pity, I wanted them to tell me that it was okay, that I would survive. I especially wanted them to tell me that I could do this, that I didn't need my parents to live my life. But I didn't want pity. One thing that my mom taught me that I actually agreed with is that pity will get you know where. Comfort and sometimes even a little sympathy maybe, but never pity.

"I don't want you pity." It was like a switch flipped. They both immediately sat up straighter and lost that look in their eyes. They stopped looking at me like an abused and lost puppy. It brought the first smile out of me since dinner started. "Thank you."

"Ma nina you know you are nothing of that sort right?" I nodded, partially believing it. "And you know that it isn't right to judge someone like that just because of their race?" Of course I knew this, just because my parents where racist assholes doesn't mean that I would carry on those traits.

"Yes Lin, I am very away of that, now more than ever." It was then that I noticed the hidden angry that was concealed in his almond eyes. He was fuming. When I noticed this in him it was easy to see the same thing in Vanessa, she just had a better cap on it. I also started to notice their body language. Lin's arms were crossed, his arms stressing the tin fabric of his shirt as he attempted to keep his emotions in check. Vanessa's hand was resting on one of his arms, also trying to keep him grounded. They both had their jaws locked and eyes set on mine. I had a feeling that if I wasn't there they Lin would be up and pacing, with Vanessa sitting there in silence thinking every possible action through before deciding on the best course. I knew that the second I left the room that would start up.

"I know you guys are upset, but I mean it could be worse?" I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince myself or them. "The country could go to war and decide to drop a hundred bombs on the street, leaving us all without a limb, left to suffer through the ghost limb pain for the rest of our depressing lives. You wouldn't be able to act anymore, and most people would be too scared to leave their houses to even see the show. This could continue for years before we finally fade away and die leaving the mess behind for our descendants to pick up, completely throwing away our shot at life." I could keep going but I figured my point had gotten across. The Miranda's seemed to have gotten used to out random outbreaks as they didn't even blink an eye before looking at each other in a silent conversation.

It was a little creepy, they just kind of sat there and started at each other for a good two minutes, because they looked up at me and smiled in unison. Like I said, creepy.

"Marti, we are going to need to discuss somethings just between the two of us. Do you think you could leave your parent's numbers for us?" Knowing that this had to happen for me to get anywhere I nodded,

"Okay, it's getting kind of late anyway. Could I use your couch for the night?" Maybe I could get some writing done. I missed writing, even if it had just been a couple days sense my last good write out.

"Oh honey, you don't need to sleep on the couch, I can show you to the guest room that can be yours until we figure out a more permanent situation." The way Vanessa worded this made me feel like the inconvenience I was. It sounded like they would put up with me until they could find someone to look after me. Is that what they were going to do? Put up with me until someone else came along and took my off of their hands? That seemed to be a reoccurring theme recently. Maybe this was my life now.

It was then in that moment that I started to build up a new wall, different than the one my parent's helped erect. It was then that I started to build up a wall of attachments. I didn't know if I would regret it, but I did know one thing; I was now the only thing I could count on.

Authors Note:

Holy crap, ten chapters in and I'm still going strong! I have decided that every couple of chapters I will write just a quick update. First, I want to see a huge thanks to Insolitasum, redknight and Ray_Hale for commenting and telling me how they feel about the story so far. Feedback like this (Positive and constructive negative) really helps me keep up my motivation to write! Secondly, I want to ask you guys what you think of the story? Do you like? Not like? I really am interested to know what you guys think! Finally, I was thinking that it might be cool to include some of your guy's ideas. The only thing would be to keep it small, like maybe a certain scene between an actor or one of the Mirandas and Marti? Anyway, I hope you guys have had a good day! 

Davey_Hale