After the Storm

13. Friends that try to kill me.

Anamnesis: Recollection/reminiscence

Rumination: Contemplation/thoughts.

*************************

I went about my day as usual, waking up at seven, getting dressed, eating a measly breakfast of porridge and potatoes and trying to ignore the constant blabbering of some women in my family.

"Did you see how General Cunningham smiled at me throughout the ball?"

"He was smiling at me, not you." Maria hissed at her twin.

"No, he was looking at me!"

"It was me!"

Their argument had been similar the previous few days ever since they caught the attention of a man of great importance at the recent ball.

Looking exasperated, Anne turned to our guardian. "Aunt! He liked me didn't he?"

"Mmhmm." She didn't look up from the daily newspaper.

"He liked me more, you―" Maria used a word that would have gotten her a earful if Aunt Brank had been paying attention. I personally gained a teeny bit of respect for my sister. I never thought she'd have it in her to use such an 'unladylike' term.

"Oh shush it! I'm clearly the one he is interested in!"

"He probably thought you two were the same person." I mumbled under my breath.

"Pardon?" Anne turned her owlish eyes on me.

I smiled sweetly, likely looking similar to a tiger baring its teeth. "Nothing, my dear sister."

I soon left them to their usual bickering and quickly made my way to the shed to change into my work clothes. It was only when I was changing that it hit me.

I didn't have a job.

My fingers froze while halfway buttoning up my shirt.

You quit, remember?

It felt like some writhing little beasty had decided to crawl viciously up my throat, but not without first making a stop at my chest.

I couldn't have quit! Lillian Linton never quits!

But my conviction was immediately countered by the stark anamnesis of the quarrel, me stalking out of the office and the silent tears that had mutilated the surface of my pillow. There was nothing remotely insubstantial about that.

I had to grab the wall for support as my legs became putty. It was as if my resignation had only just finally started to sink in.

I had quit. I had actually quit my job.

Yes, you dolt. Then what are you standing here for? Get a move on and do something different for once!

Patsy, Eve and Flora! I had almost forgotten that I had friends. My mind had been so consumed lately that any thoughts about planning rallies, giving impromptu speeches and getting kicked out from parks had flown out of my mind.

Well, that's what work does to you.

However I didn't feel in the mood to meet them. I didn't feel in the mood to do anything in fact.

Just go! It might help you get your mind off things for a while.

I stuffed myself back into my dress and promptly ran out of the shed.

Blast, blast, blast! They were having a suffragette meeting at eight, weren't they? Patsy had almost whacked me with her parasol when I told her I couldn't turn up, but I didn't really feel offended. She was the kind of woman who could pick a fight with an empty room after all.