They Found Out | C.F. & O2L

Chapter 21

"Connor? Is that you?" I hear Kian from inside of the living room. I stood outside in the hallway, gathering all my strength to ask for their support. To show them that I'm not as strong as they think. I know I have to show up, otherwise they'll show up in the hallway. Where I am. I run my hands through my hair and take a good grip on my hair. I softly pull it. I don't know what to think. I'm so confused about everything. My back slams against the wall and I can hear people move around in the living room. I slid down the wall into a sitting position with my knees pulled up. I put my head down into my knees and my hands are still in my hair.

"Connor? What's wrong?" I hear someone ask me. I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I slap it away as soon as I can. "Stop it! Okay? Just stop it! Stop asking me if I'm okay. Leave me alone!" I scream at whoever is crouched down next to me. I take my time to look at all the boys. Tyler looks neutral, I can't really read him. Troye looks really worried and a bit scared, but not so scared that he's hiding away like Jc is doing behind Ricky. He's really scared. Ricky and Kian are both a little pale, Ricky a little less than Kian, but enough to notice.

Kian's P.O.V.
Connor is responding to us, but he's very distant. He won't let us touch him, to comfort him through his pain; he won't listen to us, he only screams at us, and lastly; he is shaking madly, like he's having a mental breakdown. I try to lay my hand on his shoulder again, to get him back into the real world, but he's not responding to anything.

I should be able to get him back, right? He's my best friend. I have been there for him through everything and vice versa with the things he did for me. I'm scared for him. He's going to kill himself if this doesn't stop. It's tearing him down and he's not going to get through this. At least not by himself. It's just that he won't be able to handle things by himself, not this heavy. He won't seek for help. He needs to ask for help. We can't help him if he doesn't. And that's what we need to do. We need to help him.

I couldn't break him out of his mind. He was thinking too much and talking to himself. He was too busy with his own thoughts to acknowledge anything but himself. I did get to hold him after some time, but it didn't help with anything. It only kept him from walking away or doing something bad. I don't know what he was thinking about or what was going through him. He was talking, but I couldn't understand a word he spoke. There were words, and I'm sure he knew what he was saying, but no one else knew what he spoke.

Sweets was the one to break him. He had made us leave for a bit, when he had us come back, he told me exactly what to do. He couldn't do this himself, he wanted someone to do this that knew Connor well and knew him for a long while. He didn't want to do it himself. He was just the therapist. I needed to keep enough distance and be close enough to help him. I needed to speak to him and had to know what I was saying. No hesitation. Making sure he heard me. It was hard getting through to him and I don't know how to thank Sweets for his help. I couldn't imagine how else it would have ended if he hadn't helped us to get him back.

Tyler and Ricky brought the poor guy to his bed and Tyler came down by himself, telling us Ricky was going to stay with him and watch him. We had thanked Sweets and he helped us dealing with these recent events. He talked to us and gave us some much needed advice. He really is a great guy. I don't even know why he's doing this for us. He doesn't need to do this. I had the nerves to ask him about it. His response was simple. "Not everything you do has to be rewarded with money. Helping you isn't an obligation. I can offer you the help you need. That's what counts. For me."

I went to check up on the boys upstairs. Connor was still fast asleep and Ricky was silently on the phone with someone. I took it as an opportunity to walk around his room. It's the place you will find the most evidence. If something is going on, it should here or in his bathroom. I enter his bathroom and after looking everywhere, I found some blades in a place you would never even think if looking. I didn't take them. I should have, but I didn't. I didn't want to risk Connor finding out and distrusting us. He will never come to us ever again if I do take them away.