The babysitter ✈ narry

prologue | harry

"I'm sorry sir, but if you don't pay for this hotel room in next 2 weeks, I'm scared you will need to leave your room." The man in suit, worker in "IDEA" hotel said.

I frustratingly tugged on my hair and nodded. "Yes, I understand. Thank you." 

The man just nodded but it was clear in his eyes that he felt pity towards me. I headed towards the big doors and once I was in front of them, they opened. I stepped outside and immediately shivered.

I hugged my brown jacket and started to walk. It's obvious I need to find the job if I want to have a place where I can live in. I can't afford that hotel room anymore. 

Everything was much more easier when I was with my parents. Well, people who I called parents. 

They were good in parenting, until I was 16. I came out to them, as gay, and do you know that feeling when you're 100% sure they're going to accept and support you, because you're their blood? Well, it turns out I was wrong.

My father yelled at me and called me so many bad things. My mother was looking at me, she didn't say anything, but I could say she was ashamed that I was gay too.

When I wanted to run into my room, my dad stopped me and looked at me in disgust. He told me that that isn't my house anymore and that they can't have a son who is gay. 

I, after hearing that, just grabbed my jacket and ran out of that house. I didn't look behind because I was so hurt, I thought my family is going to support me, but they didn't.

And I'm a bit grateful for that too, because if I didn't came out, I wouldn't come out until this day. I'm very proud of myself because of that.

I saw a few Cafes, with a paper "REQUIRED WAITER!" glued on their door, but just ignored it. I'm searching for something more easier.

I don't consider myself lucky at all, because my life is hell. You can call it that. My love life doesn't even exist. Would you laugh if I say I'm a virgin? Yup. That's me.

After the names my dad called me, I was also disgusted by myself. I found that hotel room in hotel "IDEA" and with a money I had in my pockets, I payed for 5-6 days. My money wasn't enough, but workers saw I was young so they let me have a room. So yeah, I'm living in that hotel room now too.

I don't have friends and that's sad, I know. But my friends I had, when I was 16, when they heard I was gay, thanks to my parents, they left me. They're probably disgusted right now. I doubt they even remember me. I always had a feeling they were fake friends, but never believed in that, because I wanted to feel loved.

But I always felt like a freak, just because I preferred guys and not girls.

I used to cut, too. But in the past. The day I felt lonely, I would cut. The day I felt alone, I would cut. And everyday was like that. But thank God I stopped, because I wouldn't be alive if I didn't. (because the cuts I was cutting were deep and they were everywhere on my body)

On the brighter side, I love cats. I used to have one when I was little, but now that's just a memory. I love dogs too, but somehow I love more cats, because they're small, fragile sometimes, and so cute. God, I want a cat now.

My hair is really messy today. Curls are everywhere and they're reaching my shoulders. My hair is also a bit greasy, but what can I do when I was busy thinking?

I wouldn't say my clothes are bad. You can see they're outworn, but everything else is just okay. For me.

The reason I'm thinking about random things at the same time is easy: the kids in my school were laughing at me. I was odd in kid's eyes just because I liked to wear old clothes. Well now I'm scared to wear them, because let's just say I have a fear. I'm afraid somebody is going to laugh at me again.

I hate myself because of what I've became. I wasn't like this when I was sixteen, but somehow all this living in fear, crying, just changed me. I hate my family. They're cruel and I don't know how could they do something like that to their blood?

I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling like this, but I feel like this day could change my life forever.

On better.