Misbelief

Chapter 9

I find myself awake as I hear someone whisper my name faintly. I open my eyes to Niall, my brother, crouched by the side of my bed.

"May I help you?" I ask and he smiles and nods. That small smile triggers too much in my mind.

"Harry left, and he wanted me to wake you and look after you." He says and I feel like a child

"I don't need a babysitter, but thanks for following his orders." I scoff and he laughs

"I'm not your babysitter, I'm just here to make sure your okay Lillian! Can't you see that I care about you?" His ocean eyes find their way to mine, and I have to look away.

"Niall, if you cared about me, you would've done so many things different in our past." I say and he looks down.

"I can't go back and change the past, I wish I could, but it's not possible. I was a little kid, I was stupid and lacked much intelligence. Father didn't really give me a choice." I cringe as he says "father". That man is not my father, that drunkard can't be related to me, or Niall.

"The past is in the past, I don't hold a grudge. Father did give you a choice though." I look out the small window as the rain trickles down the glass.

"I was scared, I just..always put myself before others at that age. I thought I was more important." He stares at the wall, as if having a flashback. He may get the same horrific ones that I get. We're traumatized really, due to the man who I, many many many years ago, called father. I'm hoping his dead body is laid in a dumpster right now, and he's descending to hell.

"Niall, I know you did, why else would you beat me? I don't think you hated me that much." His eyes go from white to a light pink, indicating he's trying not to cry and look weak.

"Let it out Niall, I'm here for you." I rush into his arms and he starts sobbing, and I can't help but join him in the pity party.

"I've missed you so much Lillian, every night I thought about you and if I would ever see you again. I just..worried too much." I remove myself from his warmth and nod

"What happened to the asshole?" I ask and he chuckles, making me smile

"He's somehwhere, eating puppies." With those words being said I begin to laugh to the point where I stop making any noise. I love this feeling, being with my older brother, smiling and laughing, through tears, as if the old days came back.

"Niall, I appreciate you fulfilling Harry's orders, but if I need some looking after, I'll either scream or call you." I smile and he nods, exiting the room.

I make a dying whale sound, and get up to close the door. I love being alone sometimes, and today is on of those times. I feel so inspired and just full of thoughts that I take a pen from a drawer and a piece of paper, deciding to write a letter to my first love. Hopefully my last as well.

Dear Harry Edward Styles, (yes I know your full name, thanks to Zayn )

This unconditional love I feel towards you is no puppy love, or romanticizing movie love. It is a deep love that I can't control inside of myself. We have a connection you and I, as if God was missing two pieces of a puzzle and decided to make them himself, and put them on earth. I am as cheesy as it gets, you can't change that about me.

I can tell that you really want to protect me. Your anger toward other people who think I'm worth something gets out of hand. That is one of your many flaws, which I have come to love in the weeks I have known you. I may not be completely in love with you, just yet, but I know I will someday. As John Green has said

"I fell in love the way you fell asleep, slowly, then all at once."

I'm not at the all at once area yet.