The Future That Can Be. (Boyxboy)

Ch.8

I slept that night like any other night. 

Terribly.

I couldn't get my mind to stop running and I kept waking up to calm myself down. I am so sure I had a bad dream at some point, but I believe my mind just blocked it.

I woke up the next morning and had breakfast with my mother and Lancelot. I was rather quiet and everyone else noticed that as well, though at first they did not try to get me to talk. I very much appreciated that. I then grabbed some of the bread, breaking a piece and forcing myself to eat it.

"Sweetie."

I looked up at my mother who was watching me carefully, her eyes showing how worried she was. 

"I'm okay."

But I wasn't. I was too far from Camelot and I didn't know if I could make it in time to Arthur. To tell him that he could not marry Kaila.

"I'll leave you two," Lancelot said and I watched as he stood up and left.

I looked back at my mom, "I promise you-"

"This is about Arthur, is it not?" she asked softly. 

I chuckled softly. How does everyone seem to know stuff before I can even comprehend them myself. 

"Don't even attempt lying. I'm your mother. I know you better than you know yourself."

I looked up at her and I stayed silent. She was right. She could always see past my lies, so there was no use on me lying to her. I just didn't know how to tell her. How to say it. I couldn't even admit it to myself. I decided to start off slow.

"Mum... he's getting married in less than a week." I whispered as I looked down at my food.

Repeating those words hurt. I looked back at her, catching her eyes as she looked at me, her eyes full of sadness. I just didn't understand it. 

"Merlin, honey. How do you feel?"

"What do you mean? Am I suppose to feel a certain way?"

She smiled sadly, "It's okay. There is nothing wrong with having... feelings."

I shook my head.

"Merlin, it's okay."

I looked at her and I felt my eyes starting to water. She knew. Every one does, and here I was still denying it. Why? Because I tricked myself into believing it was a bad thing. That I could not say my feelings at all. Yet, I knew here with my mother I could, so why wasn't I?

"That one time you lot came to help. Remember? When Kanen tried to take everything from us."

I nodded. How could I forget?

"Ever since that day... I could see it. It was plain obvious how much you two cared for one another. I asked Uther for help and he refused. Arthur could've followed his father's orders but he didn't Merlin, and he was here for you. He did it all for you.

I watched her as she spoke, staying silent.

"They way he would look at you, well, to me it was the most magical thing I had ever seen. I knew right then and there that he cared deeply for you. Merlin, he loves-"

"Mother, don't say it." I quickly said as I watched her.

I stayed silent, trying not to let my emotions get to me as I watched her. I didn't want her to say the word. I never wanted anyone else to say it. I knew deep down that I couldn't hide my own feelings, and I wished I couldn't. Every day I'm with him, I wanted badly to tell him. To let him know just how much he meant to me, but I knew it was only going to cause trouble. He most certainly didn't feel the same way, and I would do anything to not ruin the relationship I have with him.