Cross Mirage

Chapter 9: Acceptance

Haruka

Calm down, Haruka. Calm down... it's just a day-out with a friend; nothing more than that.

At least, that's what I'm trying to do. However, we've been walking for probably an eternity now without a single word exchanged. Since when have I been so awkward around him? Is this all because I saw him with Audrey yesterday? It probably is, considering it's after seeing them was I able to come in terms with my real feelings for Ji-Hong.

The streets of New Zone District are bustling with life, and the air reeks of carbon pollution and whiffs of hot food from street vendors. Rumbles of vehicles and the constant chatters of pedestrians fill the air, occasionally interrupted by raucous horns from the chaotic traffic. Skyscrapers flank the streets, towering over us and tall enough to feel as if they're dwarfing my existence. Brightly lit stores with prestigious, internationally-reputed brands line the pavements, and teens, adults, locals and tourists alike venture into them in hopes of finding suitable merchandise for their tastes.

The stoic-faced Korean remains tight-lipped as we continue down the busy city streets. Somehow, he doesn't exactly appear all that composed himself. His brows are knit slightly, as if he's deep in thought, and his shoulders are tense.

This wasn't how I envisioned our day-out to be like; full of tension and none of the fun.

Taking a deep breath, I muster up the courage to break the wall of ice between us.

"H-have you had lunch?" I ask, my tone sounding a little more laboured than I'd have liked.

"Hmm?" Ji-Hong peers over to me. "Ah, no. We met in the station at eleven in the morning though. It was a little too early for lunch."

"Ah, yeah."

Stupid me. Of course! Who the hell has lunch before eleven in the morning. I'm the one who suggested for us to meet at eleven too. Stupid me!

"Are you all right, Haru?" my partner asks as we're halted by the red pedestrian light from across the street. "You sound... uh, different from usual."

"D-different?" I fluster, not know how to react to his statement.

"You seem tense," he begins, only to sigh right after. "Actually, I am as well. I have something to tell you."

'I have something to tell you', so he says. Even if I know it isn't going to be the words I was hoping to hear, it's still enough to shift a gear up for the engine of my heart.

"Yeah, what is it?" I answer as coolly as I can, trying my earnest to quell the unreasonably hot emotions that are raging in me.

"It's about yesterday," he says. "I'm sorry. I wasn't honest with you. There was no teacher who called me to the faculty office."

It's amusing that Ji-Hong's imminent confession does a better job at calming me down than my own efforts for the past day, and not in a good way either. There's that sinking feeling again whenever I think about his lie, and his date with Audrey.

"Actually, I―"

Ji-Hong's words are cut short as the traffic light switches over to the green pedestrian man. The constant, relaxed blips of the machine accelerate into a more rapid tune that incessantly drones in my ears. My partner and I move across the street with the gathered crowd of pedestrians. Once we've made our way to the other side, I usher him to take a right turn for the last stretch of the journey.

"You were saying?" I prompt.

Ji-Hong forcefully swallows as he struggles to regain the momentum lost by the traffic light's interruption.

"Nobody called me to the faculty office. In truth, I actually stayed back to watch Hansel's team practice," he says. "That wasn't the first time either. I've done this a few times before."

Basketball? I thought he hated it. And what about Audrey? Something doesn't add up here. His strange confession that contradicts what was supposed to be his feelings for the sport is bizarre enough to make me believe him for the time being.

"I wasn't sure how I really felt about basketball for a long time, but now I know what I want to do," he continues. This time, I can feel the determination brimming in his tone as he speaks. "I'm going to join the school's basketball team."

"R-really?" I arch my brows, somewhat surprised by his bold declaration. "Joining a serious team like Hansel's means that you're going to have to put in a lot of time and work into practice. That's a lot of commitment. Are you really sure you like basketball that much? I mean, just a few days ago, I thought..."

"I know," he says, softening his tone. "Let's say I still wasn't able to find myself. I'm not sure how to say this but that's the best I can put it. You know Audrey?"

At the mentioning of her name, I can feel my muscles instinctively tense and my blood freezing up.

"Y-yeah. What about her?"

"I talked to her yesterday while watching Hansel's team practice. She made me realise some things. But now, I'm sure I know what I want to do."

He may not be the most expressive person around, but those eyes are certainly more than enough to convince me that he's serious about his plans. I can't say I'm one to judge; after all, I don't know about his past and enough of the situation he's in.

"I see," I murmur as envy burns hot in me upon realising that Ji-Hong shared something with Audrey and not to me. "Anything else happen yesterday?"

"Hmm... well, we did visit Atrium Mall after that. They have good waffles. Maybe we can try it sometime."

Of course they do, dumbass. I was the one who tried inviting you there until you said you had stuff to do.

"You're making a funny face." Ji-Hong peers over to me. "Is something bothering you?"

"N-no, no, of course not!" I force a chuckle, all the while trying to stop my brows from twitching.

At least he admitted being with Audrey. It's like a heavy rock has been lifted from my chest. I know it's wrong, but a strong sense of antagonism bubbles within me every time the image of Ji-Hong and Audrey waiting in line of the café appears in my mind, the part where Audrey teases him and he's forced to look away bashfully.

The peculiar, up-sloping roof of Ferrier Mall looms into view. As we step through the automatic doors, the warm, conditioned air of the mall causes my chilled skin to tingle, and soft jazzy music mixed with footsteps and murmurs of shoppers serenade in the background.

"I have one more thing to say to you as well," Ji-Hong says. "Do you mind if we take a seat for this?"