Cross Mirage

Waver (1)

Haruka

As the light, jazzy hip hop beats serenade in the background, I lay sprawled on my bed, staring at the ceiling as if it'll give me the answers I need to quell the raging emotions within me.

Every time I close my eyes, the only thing appears in the void is Ji-Hong's expressionless face. As a chain reaction, my pulse would race and the blood would rush to my face.

Under these conditions, I have absolutely no mood to try out the new game that I just collected from the store. I've been looking forward to it for months too. Why am I in such a sorry state right now?

"You can't be serious," I murmur to myself. "Am I actually..."

The more I think about it, the faster my heart beats. It's so embarrassing to admit it, even to myself. At the same time, I'm not even sure if it is the answer to my unexplained obsession and outburst of emotions.

Am I, Kobayashi Haruka, A.K.A. Suzumi, the world's most famous female cosplayer who's secretly a boy, falling in love with another boy? Imagine the press when they get a hold of this...

"But that's wrong, isn't it?" I burst out, rolling on my bed, planting my face onto the sheets. "I'm a boy. I can't do this, can I?"

And just how would Ji-Hong react if I knew about this anyways? Assuming he's straight, which he most likely is, then wouldn't he feel repulsed by me? Then again, he's a nice guy. Still, I don't want to push it. Even if he accepts my sexual orientation, it doesn't mean he'll accept my feelings. I'll probably just end up being rejected and lose to...

Audrey.

Again, the bitter resentment gnaws in my chest, creating a deeper hole for my emotions to plummet into. Ji-Hong obviously chose to spend time with Audrey over me today. To him right now, she's probably more important than me.

"Why do I have to deal with this!" my muffled voice squeezes out of the sheets, and I hammer my arms and legs against the bed in frustration. "Why! Why why why! Why is this happening? Why!"

Amidst my childish thrashing, I'm barely able to catch the buzzing of my phone next to me. Excitement jolts my systems, and my hand instinctively snaps to it, tap my password at rapid-fire pace and bring out the incoming message onto screen.

To my disappointment, it's just a message from one of my sponsors; something about a paid invitation to appear at an upcoming convention for about twenty grand. What a let-down. For a second there, I thought Ji-Hong sent me a text. I suppose I'll accept the sponsor's offer later. It's not like I'm actually short of sponsorship deals or anything of the sort, and I don't even need the money to begin with.

"Whaaatever!"

Sighing, I toss my phone aside, flop back onto my belly, bury my face into the sheets once more and continue with my endless thoughts of despair.

With reactions like that, I couldn't even be in denial about my feelings for him even if I tried. I'm hopeless, aren't I? Completely, hopelessly fallen for him. He's probably forgotten about tomorrow anyways. Stupid phone... you're not fooling me for a second―

The phone buzzes. Again, the same jolt of excitement and again, my hand flashes towards my phone with the speed of a cobra.

Baited again. I'm really hopeless, aren't I?

I turn my phone over to check the preview message.

It's him! My mind screams and the engine of my heart revs up to overdrive.

Ji-Hong : < Hi, Haru. What's the plan for tomorrow? >

Upon realising that he actually does remember about our plans for the weekend, I let out a squeal of elation, only to forcefully suppress the joy in an effort to remain level-headed in a situation like this. While it's true that Ji-Hong remembered about our plans, it still doesn't change my position with Audrey in the slightest. Maybe I should test him a little.

Suzumi: < Hey-ya! Meet me at Sullerton Station at 11a.m.? I heard there's a new arcade that opened at Ferrier Mall. Sounds good? >

Ji-Hong: < Yeah. Sounds good. Do you want to invite more people? I think arcades are more fun like this. I think it's 'the more the merrier'? How about Hansel and Jamie? >

Looks like I've played this out rather smoothly so far, if I do say so myself. Ji-Hong doesn't seem to suspect a thing. Time for the attack.

Suzumi: < The more the merrier? You're right about that. Hansel and Jamie have practice tomorrow though. Speaking of which, how was the talk at the faculty office just now? Did anything happen? >

And now, I wait for him to take the bait. As my heart continues to pound wildly with nervous anticipation, I can feel the heat being drained from my body with each passing second as I wait for his reply, leaving my skin cold and clammy.

My phone buzzes.

Ji-Hong: < Something like that. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. >

" Ehhh? " I let out an unrestrained, strident whine of pure irritation at his answer, throwing myself back onto the bed. " Mendokusaaai! (What a pain!) "

Why can't that idiot just answer me right now? Why does he have to be so dramatic about his stupid date? Just tell me already!

In spite of the scalding impatience simmering within me, I know that I have to force myself to react to his unnecessarily cautious decision with sensitivity. If I try to force an answer out of him, I'm only going to raise his suspicions. Delicacy. I need delicacy.

With another sigh of annoyance, I punch in my reply.

Suzumi: < All right then! Get a good rest and don't be late, okay? See you tomorrow! >

This time, I'm not even going to wait for his reply. I send my phone bouncing over to the other side of the bed with the flick of my hand.

It's probably for the best if I can distract myself from this unneeded page of drama. Realising that, I head over to my M-BOX and prepare to start up the game I collected today.

"Maybe a round or two will take my mind off that idiot. Hey, who knows, maybe I'll even forget about tomorrow and―"

A buzzing noise sounds.

I leap over to my bed, snatch my phone up and fire my thumbs at the digital keyboard to unlock it.

Ji-Hong: < See you tomorrow then. >

" Are? (Huh?) "

I fell for it. Again.