Space Isn't Just Darkness

Chapter Thirteen

Spock Pov

Spock paced down the hall with long strides, not entirely sure of where he was going. As long as it was far from the bridge, he was content. Many onlookers offered curious glances but he paid them no mind.

He had tried so hard to retain his grief and sadness for the loss of his mother. After watching her fall into oblivion, unable to save her. The devastation of watching his own home planet crumble into nothing but dust. The guilt of letting his emotions drive him to deport Jim from the ship and then Ferris's reaction.

He knew his father was following him yet, like a child, Spock did not turn to meet his gaze. Spock was ashamed of himself.

Spock took a turn down a specific hallway and stopped when he found himself inside an empty beaming transportation room. His gaze was focused on the very beaming pad that his mother should have appeared on.

Spock could hear his father's footsteps as he entered the room. Spock kept his eyes trained downwards. It was the first time his father and he had been alone together for a very long time.

After a beat of pause, Spock's father spoke up.

"You must not punish yourself. Speak your mind, Spock, " Sarek told him as he approached his son.

Spock swallowed as he tried to find words. "That would be unwise," Spock replied as he pushed his emotions further away in an attempt to reconfigure. Just as he had done for all of his life.

"What is necessary is always wise," Sarek responded with his deep voice that was very much like Spock's monotone.

Spock still hadn't looked up. "I feel as conflicted as I once was as a child. Have I made so little progress?" Spock asked. His voice was coarse and tensed.

"You will always be a child of two worlds. I am grateful for that," Sarek  Spoke finally met his gaze. "And not only because you are all I have left of her."

It was the first time Spock's father had mentioned his mother since she had perished. It was the closest his father would ever come to true emotion.

" I-I feel anger. For the one who took her life. An anger I cannot stop. And grief," Spock told his father.

Sarek paused before replying. "I believe your mother would say.... do not try to stop what is natural," Sarek told him, and Spock didn't reply.

Sarek took a deep inhale. "You once asked me, why I married your mother," Sarek started, and Spock looked back at him.

Spock could recall the very day in his youth when he had asked. He had been picked on by other Vulcan children for his heritage and wondered why his father would make such a decision. Sarek had told him that since he was Earth's ambassador that it was only logical.

"I married your mother because... I loved her," Sarek told him. Love was not something many Vulcans mentioned. Love went against logic. Spock couldn't find a way to reply as the revelation went over him.

"I do not know why Mr.Kirk and Ms. Kirk sought to emotionally compromise you however, I haved devised that it might perhaps be due to Nero killing their father as well," Sarek explained.

"I should not have struck Ms.Kirk," Spock said quickly. It had happened so fast. She had reached out to her help her brother and he had shoved her away without a thought.

He felt some remorse for attack Jim but even Jim must have know be was crossing a line and had it coming. Ferris on the other hand, she was at no fault what so ever.

Sarek nodded once. "Ms. Kirk is understanding. As is her brother. However, I envision that they will need your assistance in defeating Nero," His father told him.

"Are you suggesting that I am to help them?" Spock asked as he looked at his aged father.

"It is up to you to make that decision," Sarek answered wisely and settled a hand on Spock's shoulder as he looked back on the beaming pad. It was a simple gesture from a human standpoint. But Spock could feel the immeasurable affection through the touch as he surveyed his options.

What would Amanda have done?