Haikyuu! One-shots

Daichi x Suicidal! Reader

Warning: this is angst and it contains suicidal thoughts as well as cutting and all of the above. Read at your own risk. P.s. this might fuck you up because it sure as hell did to me.

I sit here. I joke and I laugh, I even crack heaps of smiles. I talk about my future and how life will be perfect. But who the fuck am I kidding? I'm sure as hell not fooling myself, I wish I was. I talk about my future with my friends as if I have one. I don't plan to stay here much longer. 'Be strong'. That's the quote, right? Well, I've been strong for too long. I cry every night as I press blade after blade to my skin. Why am I so weak? Why can't I get out of the hell and become strong. Or better yet, why can't I be strong enough to go through with my plans? Is it because I hate pain? Am I too scared? What am I? Some damsel in distress hoping for someone to magically call out to me and save me from myself? As if. I don't live a fairy tale, I live a nightmare. Everyday! Everyday, I get told that I'm so strong for being able to go through what I do and still be happy. I get told I'm resilient and I get asked;
"How are you so happy all the time?"
Lies. It's all lies.
My life, my friends, my family, my everything is a lie.
Everything except for one. Daichi. He's strong and dependable. He's everything that I try to be. But he isn't fake. He's never fake.
Why he fell for someone like me? I'll never know. After all, I never asked.
When Daichi saw my arms, it was just a glimpse. I never took off my jacket, but while I was helping to manage the team, my sleeve rode up a little and nothing gets past Daichi.
After practice was over for that day, he pulled me aside and walked me home. He spoke to me about it. It went something like this;
"(L/N)-San, I know that it's none of my business, But saw your arm today. I want to be here for you. You can always rely on me."
I was shocked.
"My arm? I don't know what you're talking about."
So I put on my fake smile and brushed it off.
He wouldn't let it be. He pulled up my sleeve. There was all the evidence he needed. His eyes held that of hurt and sadness. It was almost like I had betrayed him or something.
"I've known about this for a while. I stood and waited. I waited for you to ask for my help. I watched you fake being happy and I continued to wait and protect you from the sidelines, but that just isn't working. (F/N), I want to protect you. Not from the sidelines but from beside you. I've liked you for a while and I don't want to see you suffer anymore. So, please. Let me help you. Even if you won't date me, please let me help you at least."
He always could see right through me. Ever since we first met.
"Dai-Chan, I...I want to date you. But, I'm not stable enough and can't use you like that."
"No, (F/N). You're not using me. And I am very aware of how stable you are. You don't have to be strong with me. You can lean on me. Therefore, it's settled. I'm your boyfriend now."

And that's how it played out. Daichi tried his hardest to save me, he really did try. But that was the key word; try.
I was already too far gone by the time he told me. I don't want him to blame himself or feel guilty for not being there. After all, this is my burden to carry, not his. The burden is all but too much. So as all these thoughts rush through my head before I close my eyes for the final time, I can't help but think about how every time I was with Daichi, I was truly happy. I really did love Daichi, but he got there too late.
I whisper my last words;
"I'm sorry, Daichi"