The Art of Becoming Stridersexual (Homestuck JohnDave)

Chapter 2

You are now Dave Strider.

You are in your room, jamming out to some totally righteous jams while you try to find something to wear tonight. You've been doing this for 37 minutes.

37 goddamn minutes to find a shirt. You shudder internally. When you phrase it like that it makes you sound a lot gayer than you are. On second thought, maybe you really ARE that gay. After all, you really have been looking for a shirt for 37- no, scratch that- 39 minutes. You groan and flop down on your bed. Maybe you should just go shirtless. The birthday boy would love that, wouldn't he? You laugh to yourself at your joke.

You suddenly remember that you have more important things to do than crack awesome jokes that nobody will ever get to appreciate. You stand up and walk over to a mirror that hangs on your wall, cracked from some long-forgotten Strider strife.

Staring back at you is a tall, lean blonde. You look almost as if you've been put through a taffy puller, like that kid from Willy Wonka. Well, except for your muscles, which remain toned and well-built.

Your music falters for a moment to be replaced by a shrill "ping." You turn to your desk and see that someone's begun pestering you.

--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:51 PM--

EB: daaavvvveeeee

EB: when are you coming???

John's messages remind you that you were trying to look good for a reason. You two are going to the party together. Not TOGETHER together though. Sure, you said, "it's a date," but really, it's totally not a date.

But at the same time, you never know. It's a party that you're going to. An admittedly small party, but a party nonetheless. There's gonna be beer of course, and a little alcohol might loosen Egbert up a bit. Maybe just enough for you to own up to him about your feelings towards him, see how he reacts, and have John forget about it later.

No, that's stupid. You're not gonna drop a bomb like, "Hey, I know we've been best friends for 12 years and you only like girls but I'm totally gay for you and I think about kissing you a lot" while he's drunk. You may be a douchebag, but that's just a goddamn cowardly move.

You glance at your laptop. The clock reads 7:04.

You glare at your reflection with blood-red eyes for almost a minute, a stupid decision, really. You only get more upset and end up punching the wall next to the mirror.

You breathe heavily for a few moments, then relax. Ok. It's just some stupid party with your stupid friends that you've known for years. Nobody gives a rat's ass what you wear, especially not John.

You walk to your laptop, stop your music, and open Pesterchum.

TG: on my way

--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 19:07--

You grab the closest shirt that you can find (a plain black v-neck) and throw it on. You glance in the mirror, and your reflection offers a slight nod of approval. It'll do.

You grab your red sweatshirt from your bed, the one with a red gear-like symbol on it. You're not exactly sure what it is, but it's pretty cool.

You grab your shades from where they rest on your turntable and throw them on before giving yourself a solid once-over in your mirror. Shades, sweatshirt, jeans, converse. Perfect.

You walk out of your room and shut the door. Wouldn't want bro peeking at your stuff. You know from experience he'd give you loads of shit for anything and everything even remotely close to uncool.