soft light » joshler

faded.

frank ocean is my religion ~

he had eyes made of glass and milk and tea, and i loved him.

he spoke to me with a softness, a tenderness that pervaded his words and touched the edges of my soul, lighting it. i watched his thoughts fall from his plump rose lips like a never-ending rain, watched them patter to the ground where nobody could hear them but me.

he and i sat, on my shiny yellow corvette that reflected the cream-blue sky. my eyes half-closed, open just enough that i could drink in the sight of my love, the apple of my eye, anything. one of my arms draped around him, his head lying on my chest slightly. the warm pressure of his head causing soft heat to trickle through my veins.

"joshie?"

and my heart fucking fluttered when he said my name, and i loved it and hated it, because he had so much control over me, had me begging at his feet and wrapped around his little finger. and he was so oblivious, and i couldn't believe he never noticed the effect he had on me. never noticed my eyes, flitting over him constantly, and floating away when he looked back because i was a coward, and nothing terrified me more than his rejection.

"yes, baby?"

and i could almost see a peony-pink hue paint his cheeks, and catch his gorgeously long eyelashes flutter, and my heart skipped a beat, or three. because he was just so beautiful. he was like the sky at the opposite end of a sunset, the atmosphere washed pink, and blue, and soft-colored. he was like the smell in the air after a rain, fresh and subtle and tinged with gasoline. he was a fading polaroid and an opened mint soda and the color of milk mixed with coffee.

"you're pretty, joshua. i love you s'much," he whispered.

and it wasn't like he hadn't told me that before, but every time he did my heartstrings would flutter, my eyes blurring with a sudden sheen of tears. emotion welled from inside me, swirling in love and warmth and happiness and pain, and blossoming through my skin and eyes with a heat bordering on hurting.

all i could do was hold his frame closer to me, and let out a sigh, filled with everything i wanted to say. but there weren't any words that would come close to encompassing what sensitive ideas i enclosed within my mind. the depth and breadth of what i felt for the small boy in my arms.

he was like a multifaceted jewel - seemingly transparent, and yet. each side held a new color, yet to be named, a different story and self. my diamond, who when you shone a light to him, thousands of reflections and hues and ideas would spill out and spread themselves, a wealth of his unique thoughts and perspectives that were more precious than anything else to me.

i felt him turn, pressing his small, soft hands to my chest and burying his head in the space below my jaw. his legs, clad in ripped mom jeans, tangled with mine and hanging off the edge of my car.

i ran my hands through his hair, caressing the soft strands smelling of honey and lavender.

"let's go home, baby."

the end was rushed sorry but I'm rather proud of this. sorry for taking years to update, by the way -- school has been very intense recently.

I love you all so much. beyond belief, really.

-mei ☀️