Never Had ~ A Louis Tomlinson Love Story

Chapter 36: Landslide

"Louis, she's gone." my mother's words snapped me out of my long, draining thoughts and I stared at her in shock, which really was something I had been doing a lot lately since Emma and I reunited. "W-what do you mean?" I stuttered, not sure if I was hearing her correctly. God Louis of course you're hearing her right. You know it; you just refuse to believe it. Now suck it up and be a man. Great now I'm talking to myself. Merry Christmas.

"She just, she left. I'm sorry honey. She needed to. You know that, we all do. She's going through some horrible stuff and she just needed to get away. Marlee knows a little more about it, I'll go grab her. Are you alright, honey?" she said frantically, quickly letting go of my cold fingers and pacing around the hospital bed. I did my best to nod and my mum saw it only slightly, hesitating to leave the room but finally I heard the door click behind her. Once again I was alone with my thoughts.

How could she do this again? What makes her think things are better when she's alone? Does she have any sense in her little body? Of course not, she never has: book smart, but God Save the Queen if she ever joined the royal navy.

I was more angry than sad now. I had finally had enough of worrying over Emma. These were her decisions and it's not my job to chase her around and protect her. If she wanted that, well she should've said something. But she's Emma and she never would. Knowing her all my life, I can read her like a book. Surprisingly, I didn't catch that she was getting ready to leave all twenty minutes ago. But no one else did, so I don't feel so bad.

Emma is an introvert. She keeps everything wrapped under. She never says what's wrong or what she's worried about because she likes to keep those thoughts to herself. Being around people, even me, weakens her and just keeps all of her thoughts even deeper inside of her. If I tried to picture Emma yelling out, crying, "Louis, I need you! Please take care of me",  I never could because it would never in a million years happen. She'd be too embarrassed, at a loss of pride, and afraid of how I would respond. I could assure her every day that I would never hurt her and she still would be introverted. It's just how she is. And I love it, don't get me wrong, it just gets away in certain times and I can't help but wish she didn't have that problem.

And no matter what, she always turns to running away. Maybe it's because she is a runner, maybe it's because of her father. But it really doesn't matter why; she'll still run. And like a child, she has to be watched at all times or she'll get away, like she just did. Of course no one else knows she does this. That's why she told Marlee and not me. Emma is incredibly intelligent and can manipulate anyone, even me at times. She uses her shyness to her advantage and tricks us all while she tries to escape us all. Maybe she should work for James Bond or something.

But none of that matters because she's gone. I could sit here and attempt at figuring out why all day and whether or not I'd figure it out she'd still be gone. No one could ever bring her back; no, Emma is way to independent. Even if I did find her I'd have to go through hell to ever bring her back to these people that love her more than she could ever know; not because they'd never tell her but because she'd never accept it.

I didn't know how long I had been thinking or how long Marlee had been standing beside the door trying to get my attention, but I surely blushed when I finally noticed. I allowed her to come and sit beside me and once she did she let out a long sigh followed by her five small fingers twisting through her curly brown hair.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what was happening until she was gone. I don't know where she went but I'm sorry I let this happen." she said all at once, sounding way more stressed than she needed to me. "Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault. If it's anyone's it's mine, but we really don't need to be blaming anyone right now." I tried to smile in hopes of comforting the poor girl, but it really didn't seem to be helping.