All He Wanted Was To Be Loved [Watty's2018]

18

Niall woke up a while later, Calum's arm tightly wrapped around him. Niall looked down and saw that his wrist braces were gone, revealing some of the red cuts that littered his arms. He looked around and listened, and that's when he heard Liam and Harry talking in another room.

"Why would there still be new marks if he hasn't done it since Ethan?" Liam asked, his voice in a low whisper that Niall could barely hear.

Niall's eyes filed with tears. He carefully removed Calum's arm as he got off of his boyfriends lap to move closer to where the two boys were. He leaned against the wall close to the kitchen, waiting for Harry to answer.

"I don't know Li. Calum said he's been watching Ni, and there hasn't been any more. He would of had to do it recently," Harry confessed.

Niall closed his eyes as a tear slipped out.

They've known the whole time, he thought.

"Why haven't you or Cal told the rest of us? There could be something still going on that we don't know about, and the fact that you haven't done anything about it isn't good, Haz."

Niall decided he had heard enough of what they've said. He quietly walked away, grabbing a jacket before heading outside to drive to Luke's house. After he was a few blocks away, he pulled over to text Calum saying that Liz needed him home.

Niall unlocked the house before heading up to his room and locking the door. He slid down the door and pulled his hair as tears rapidly fell down his face. He remembered the conversation he had with Calum a few months before.

"Ni, what are these?" Calum asked one day, after the two had a tickle battle and Niall's sleeves had rolled up, revealing the scars.

Niall instantly pulled away from Calum, almost falling off of his bed in the process. "Um, its, please don't hate me," Niall said, tears forming in his eyes and Calum got closer to the scared boy.

"Niall, love. I don't hate you. I just wanna know why. I thought things were getting better."

"T-They are b-but I still get scared th-that Ethan is going to come back and I get panic attacks and then this h-happens." Niall wasn't anywhere near Calum at this point, staying as far away as possible while explaining.

Calum walked towards Niall, not giving up on trying to comfort him. "Well, let's work on another way to help," Calum suggested. Niall looked hesitant at first, but he slowly nodded and let Calum pull him into a hug.

"Promise me you won't do this again," Calum whispered into Niall's hair.

Niall nodded. "Promise," he mumbled into Calum's chest.

Niall sobbed even more as the memory subsided. He felt another panic attack forming, but no one would be there to calm him down from it. Not only was it his first panic attack alone, he hadn't had one in months.

Niall ended up passing out. Luke had come home with Michael, but wasn't worried about Niall since he was supposed to be at Harry's because of the game. They stayed down in the living room until they had gotten a text saying they couldn't find Niall and he wasn't answering his phone. Luke got up and waked to Niall's room to make sure he wasn't in there. When he found the door locked, he texted them saying he found him and not to worry.

He found the key for the door and unlocked it, finding Niall on his bed. Niall was asleep. Luke shrugged, getting ready to go back downstairs, but stopped when he got another text. Calum texted to ask if Liz had needed Niall home, and Luke told him no. 

Niall slowly came back to reality, blinking when he saw Luke in his room. Luke turned around to check on Niall one last time.

"Ni?" Luke asked, walking over to him. "Why'd you tell Cal Mom wanted you home?"

Niall shrugged, not making eye contact with Luke. Niall shifted, which made some of the cuts on his arms burn. He wanted to know how he got on his bed, because Niall was almost 100% sure when he had passed out, he was in front of his door.

Luke sighed before moving closer to Niall. "Ni, Calum's worried. Did you two get into some kind of fight or something?" Niall shook his head, but not explaining anything along with it.

"Niall," Luke finally snapped, making Niall looked up at him, "tell me what the hell is going on with you."

Michael walked to Niall's room just after that, and stood in the doorway for a bit.

"Go hang with Mikey," Niall mumbled before rolling over and hoping that Luke would leave him alone.

At this point Niall heard car doors slam close, and he knew some, if not all, of the others would be there.

"You never act like this, Ni. What's going on?" Luke asked, his voice having a calming effect on Niall.

"I just wanna be alone to think," he mumbled, hoping Luke would do that before everyone got up to his room and he would have to make up something they all would believe.

Luke sighed before standing up. "The guys are coming over. Do you want any of them up here?"

"Calum," Niall said without hesitation. Luke whispered a small 'okay' before leaving with Michael to get Calum since the boys had just gotten into the house. 

Niall knew he needed to talk to Calum. There was no way around it, even if he wanted to hide it, he knew he wouldn't be able to forever. He just wanted them to find out when he was ready for them to, and when he already had a steady foundation for stopping.

Calum quietly closed the door, causing Niall to roll back over and stare at his boyfriend, who still had his back turned.

"Cal-"

"You promised you were going to stop, Niall," Calum interrupted. He turned around, and he looked pissed off. His jaw was set, his eyes looked hard, and he crossed his arms across his chest, his fists balled.

"I-I did then I started the nightmares again and it started to happen again-"

"You can't keep making up excuses. One day you're going to have to accept the fact that you are the one who is doing this. That it's not all because of Ethan or your parents or these nightmares or anything else."

Niall stared at Calum, shocked. "I'm j-just trying to t-tell you what happened. I know that I can't keep blaming them, but-"

"But nothing Niall."

"Stop interrupting me!" Niall yelled, tears building up in his eyes. "You won't let me say anything that I need to. You hear what you want then start talking off of that! What happened to when we could actually talk, instead of accusing me of stuff and saying that I'm not trying? I am trying, but its hard."

"Maybe you don't belong here! Maybe we're all pretending to care when we don't! Maybe we can't stand the idea of you hanging out with us, but we feel sorry for you-"

Niall got up from his bed and ran past Calum, down the hall, where Harry and Louis were going to, to see what was going on, and out the front door. Since he didn't have his keys and he was crying too much, he ran to the park, and fell behind a tree.

He called Greg, and after a heartbreaking conversation, a plan was put in place for the next week.

A/N: Please don't kill me